Z is for... we'll never know

I don't read as much as I used to, but when I did I was a big fan of the Alphabet series of books starring a Californian private detective called Kinsey Millhone, so it is with sadness that I learned of the death of Sue Grafton who wrote them.  She started back in 1982 with "A is for Alibi" and had just published her latest book "Y is for Yesterday".  So, no Z, which in some strange way - to me at least - seems somehow very appropriate.

Unexpected item....

Hardly surprising that the supermarkets report that their self-service checkouts are a magnet for shoplifters. Even over 20% of those who use them admit to not paying for items they have taken through, although not all have done so intentionally.  I suppose from the supermarket's point of view it's a simple calculation - which costs them more, the amount they lose through shoplifting at the self-service checkouts, or the amount they would have to pay to employ real people to man the same number of traditional checkouts?  I reckon that the fact that the self-service ones are still there - indeed in my experience they are increasing in number, means that they have made their choice.

Get 'em while they're fresh!

Apparently Easter eggs are already in the shops!

Colonialism.

I know I've been down this road before, but feel pride in our nation's history, or feel ashamed of it - both positions are acceptable - but please don't try to pretend it never happened, or to re-write it.

Wait and see?

Big hoo-haa about changing the colour of our passports.  All very symbolic and all that, but from what I can see judging by the pictures in the papers, they've got the colour all wrong.  I still have my old passports, and they were a very, very dark blue - almost black.  Nothing like the various shades of blue being suggested.

It's the subtext, silly.

So it's the first day of the twelve days of Christmas (see 6/1/06), and according to the rhyme, you should give your true love a partridge in a pear tree.  Bit why on earth?  Doesn't make sense.  Indeed, the more you look at The Twelve Days Of Christmas, the less sense it makes, and you are driven to the conclusion that it is in fact just a nonsense rhyme.  But why?  Well, for the best part of 300 years from the middle of the 16th century, it was dangerous, if not actually illegal, for Roman Catholics to practice their faith in this country.  To keep their beliefs alive they devised various seemingly innocent ways of passing them on to their children, and this was one such.  The Twelve Days become twelve important facts for children to remember - one for the one God, two for the Old and New Testaments, three for faith, hope and charity, four for the four gospels, and so on.  So forget the partridge - unless you're having one for dinner - yummy!

Compliments of the season...

...to one and all.

Christmas Eve Box

For those with young children, a good idea which seems to have arisen over the last few years, and which, for once, does not seem to have originated in the US as a money-making exercise.  Although you can buy then ready-filled, they are much more appropriate if custom filled by you.  The idea is to give the kids something to do on this, the most difficult day of the Christmas period, when all they want to do is to see the day out waiting for tomorrow.

Christmas Trivia (3)

I'm sure you've all received your Christmas cards by now, and I would be very surprised if at least some of them did not feature a robin.  But what is the association between Christmas cards and robins?  Well it goes back to Edwardian/Victorian times when postmen wore red coats (it was, and still is, the Royal Mail and red was considered a royal colour) and because of that they got the nickname of "robins".  As Christmas - more perhaps back then than today - was a time when you eagerly watched out for the postman to bring cards and presents the idea of the robin as a Christmas bird was born.

Christmas Trivia (2)

We know that Santa Claus is based on St Nicholas - a real 4th centuary bishop.  Given our modern version of him as a jolly gift-giving person, it may come as somewhat of a nasty surprise to find that he was - and presumably officially still is - the patron saint of bankers, pawnbrokers, pirates and thieves.

Christmas Trivia

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...  four calling birds, right?  Well no - originally it was four colly birds.  Colly is an old English word meaning black (hence colliery) so they were blackbirds.  Just when or why they changed to calling birds is not clear but it was probably around the time when the word colly fell out of use,

Sub rosa

What's it mean?  Well, literally "under the rose" but it has taken on the meaning of "in secret".  The idea goes back to the medieval custom of hanging a rose from the ceiling of a room where a meeting was to take place, as a sign that anything said or done there was not to be spoken of outside that room.  You may well see a rose carved above the confessional booth in a church, indicating the secrecy of the confessional.

Little green monsters?

Brussels sprouts - the Marmite of the vegetable world.  People either like them or loathe them.  But if you like them, how many should you have?  Many as you want?  I ask because Leicestershire County Council have sent out a tweet to its residents saying that they should have no more then six each.  The stated intention is to prevent waste, but of course it has produced everything from cries of outrage and nanny-state-ism to witty replies.  I particularly liked the idea that there should be an amnesty for those who have overbought with the provision to post your excess sprouts through the Council's letter-box.

Racist bells?

A Boston University professor has claimed that "Jingle Bells" has racist roots because it was first performed in "black face".  For sure it's an American song, which originally had no association with Christmas, and as far as can be ascertained was first performed in 1857 as part of a minstrel show in Boston.  A minstrel show back then would almost certainly have been performed totally in black face.  So does that justify the professor's assertion?  Seems to me a bit like saying that "Three Little Maids From School" is racist because it comes from "The Mikado" which is traditionally performed in what might be called "yellow face".  I rather liked a tweet commenting on the professor's statement which ended "What the hell happened to the America I grew up in where people didn't wake up every day trying to find something to be offended by?"  Well said.

Where's me day orff?

It seems that Prince Harry and Thingy arranging their wedding for Cup Final day has upset some people.  Can't see the problem myself - wedding will be in the morning and the Cup Final is tea-time.  So what's the beef?  I've a feeling that this is more about the disappointment that we won't be getting an extra public holiday for the wedding, as perhaps was expected.

Nice soft hands? Please step this way.

If you're flying, you may wish to consider your use of hand cream.  Apparently much hand cream - especially the more expensive brands - contain significant amounts of glycerine, which is first cousin to nitroglycerine, which is a constituent of explosives and may well set off the alerts at airports and involve you in - at the very least - embarrassment .

Donner and chips please...

Kebab eaters relax - the European Parliament has blocked the Commission's attempt to outlaw the use of phosphates in cooked meats - see post dated 2nd of this month.  Phew!

Oh look, there's a space...oh, it's gone.

It's a situation all drivers are familiar with - especially at this time of year - you enter a car park and it's heaving, with cars circling round looking for spaces.  It takes you maybe 10 minutes or more to find a space.  This car park charges you for parking by the hour.  Question - when should you start being charged?  When you entered the car park, or when you eventually found a parking space?  The answer seems so obvious, and until recently there was no problem - you parked and then went to the machine and got a ticket, and that was the point at which you started paying,  So what's changed?  These Automated Number Plate Recognition cameras that's what.  They are invariably positioned at the entrance and exit of the car park and record your time of arrival and departure.  And that very often is considered to be your length of stay and for which you will be charged.  Rip-off?  You bet!  One brave motorist has recently challenged a penalty notice he received for overstaying his hour's parking saying that his stay had been calculated from time of arrival to time of departure, rather than from time of parking to time of return, and won his case.  Would like to think this will set a precedent, but am not holding my breath!

Oh, Doctor Beeching!

Story about rail passengers being sold tickets for trains which the rail companies know will not run over the Christmas period due to engineering works brought to mind an experience my Mum and I had back in the 60s.  I think I've mentioned before that my Mum had a schoolfriend who married a Welshman and they lived in Wales and every now and then we used to go and visit them.  We would catch the train and get off at a small one-man-and-his-dog station called Moat Lane Junction.  Well this one time we were there, sitting on the train, and suddenly realised it had gone straight through Moat Lane Junction without stopping.  So we found the guard (trains had on-board guards back then) and kicked up a fuss, only to be told that Moat Lane Junction had been closed down about six months previously as part of the Beeching cuts and we should never have been sold tickets to there.  We had to get off at the next station, which was Machynlleth, and my post dated 20-3-12 mentions what happened there!

Who needs Bake-Off?

Big argument chez Random the other day when we'd all gathered for a communal meal and it came to the dessert.  It was definitely a plum something, made with pastry but what? And I remembered my Mum telling me way back - a pie has a pastry top and bottom - a tart only has pastry on the bottom.  So I was able to definitively state that we were eating plum tart,  A quiche, by the way is a tart with an egg custard based filling.

Gorra pencil?

We refer to "lead" pencils, but in fact they have never contained lead.  Their core is graphite, which back in the 16th century when it was first discovered, was thought to be a type of lead.  The word "pencil" by the way, comes from the Latin and means "little brush", and has the same root as the word "penis".

Oooh, you can't watch that!

My post of 26th November seems to have taken on a life of its own  Students at Cambridge University have picked up on the idea and come up with a list of films which they consider contain examples of non-consensual sexual interactions.  Many are pretty obvious - Last Tango In Paris for example - but also included are some films which have always been considered "family films".  It's A Wonderful Life, anyone??

So-o-o?

I'm with Richard Hammond (the hamster) in wondering why some people make such a big thing out of coming out, or others coming out as gay.  Why are we so hung up about a person's sexual preferences?  I have many friends (believe it or not) and for the most part, there's plenty of things I don't know about them - I don't know their heritage, or their religious persuasion for instance, and I wouldn't think they would see any need to tell me these things.  So why would they see the need to tell me that they're straight, gay, bi or whatever?  Is it because knowing where a person stands on the sexual spectrum can avoid awkward social misunderstandings - or rather not knowing can involve you in such misunderstandings? Only reason I can think of.

Our Father...

I imagine that most people have a working knowledge of The Lord's Prayer, whether they class themselves as religious or not.  So it comes as something of a surprise to find that the Pope wants to change the wording.  The bit he's worried about is the part that says "lead us not into temptation".  Now the basic concept of this, like any prayer, is that we are talking to God - so we are asking God not to lead us into temptation - and it can be argued that the inference is that - unless we ask him not to - God will lead us into temptation. which of course goes completely against the basic Christian belief in a benevolent God.  The Pope would rather we copied the French, and changed the wording to "do not let us fall into temptation" which makes it clear that it is us who are in danger of falling into temptation, rather than it is God who might lead us there.

Compare and contrast

Started writing my Christmas cards this week.  Food for thought - cost of a card 10p (£3 for a box of 30)  Cost of a second class stamp to post it - 56p

R.I.P.

Christine Keeler and THAT photo of her sitting astride THAT chair.  Feel I've lost part of my personal history.  

Here we go again!

Throughout my life, the one constant fly in the ointment has been Ireland.  And obviously this is a sequence not meant to be broken.  Here we are, on the cusp of an agreement with the EU which will enable the Brexit talks to progress and guess who's intent on throwing a spanner in the works?  Of course it's all our fault - we created the Ireland "problem" and it's only fair really that it keeps tripping us up.

How much???

I wonder what those who were swayed by the big red bus with its implied promise that leaving the EU would free up £300-odd million a week to potentially spend on the NHS, now feel about the prospect of leaving, far from bringing money in, will cost us something like £60 billion, and maybe more.

Hush, hush, whisper who dares...

Really??  Did an Anglican minister really suggest that people should pray that Prince George - who remember is only four years old - is gay?  This seems wrong and inappropriate on so many levels - not least that if there is in fact such a thing as the power of prayer, this surely devalues it.

You want chilli sauce with that?

If you're a fan of the doner kebab better look away now, or hope that we get a lightning Brexit.  Why - well, it's all to do with phosphates apparently.  These are additives which keep cooked meat moist and flavoursome, but have also been associated with cardiovascular disease, so the EU are considering banning their use.  But only for kebab meat it seems - which has produced howls of outrage from the Turks, who see it as a deliberate attempt to disadvantage Turkish-owned businesses.  And what are we supposed to eat at 1.30 in the morning when we're kicked out of the pub??

And the moon is made of green cheese

It appears there are still those who believe the earth is flat.  Hard to believe now we have pictures from satellites showing a very round earth.  But you don't have to go into space to prove it - the ancient Greeks realised that simply observing approaching ships as they appeared over the horizon - top of the mast first - could only be explained if the ship was travelling uphill relative to the observer. And as this phenomenon was observable irrespective of where the observer was and which direction he was facing, the only possible explanation was that the earth was a sphere.

Names, names...

You may recall us talking about whether Camilla would become Queen if and when Charles ascends to the throne, and now the question has arisen again in a slightly different form.  When Harry and she marry, will Thingy become a princess?  Well yes, because she will be the wife of a prince, but it is unlikely she will be referred to as such.  The title Princess tends to be reserved for daughters of members of the Royal Family.  Harry will almost certainly be designated the Duke of somewhere or other and Thingy will become, and be referred to, as the Duchess thereof.

Roll on next summer

So, here we go again - Harry and Thingy (see 28th September, but I think I'm going to adopt that as my pet name for her) have got engaged.  Best wishes to them both, but once again, as with William and Kate, I wish I could fast forward until all the mush is over.  And that reminds me - we've got Will's and Kate's baby to cope with as well - anybody got a desert island available?

Continued...

Strewth - I know technology is forever moving on, but perhaps I didn't realise how fast this is happening.  I ran yesterday's post past the grandchildren and only one out of the five of them "got it".  So... in the days before digital cameras - and particularly mobile 'phones with cameras - if you wanted to take a photograph you used an old-fashioned camera which took a physical roll of film, and when you'd used up the roll, you would take it to the chemist and pay a fee to have it developed and prints made of the photos on it.  In reality, the chemist would probably send it on to a specialist firm to have this done.  And as these firms would be handling large quantities of these rolls of film it was not unknown for some to get delayed in the process or even go missing entirely.  So you might well find yourself saying "some day my prints will come" - geddit??

Music man - ha ha.

The title to yesterday's post is a song from Walt Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".  In my youth it tended to be referred to as "The photographer's lament".

Someday my prince will come...

...and maybe be arrested!  It would rather spoil the story wouldn't it, but it has been suggested that, as the Sleeping Beauty princess had not consented to being kissed, it amounted to a sexual assault.  Of course, as she was in an enchanted coma, she couldn't consent, could she?  But that doesn't seem to matter any more.  Lack of consent is no consent.  I don't know whether the person who raised this issue was serious, or was seeking to point out the possible absurdity which could arise from the law as it is currently understood, but it's a valid point for discussion.

Ha ha

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Wot - no Christmas booze?

A parliamentary committee has suggested that you should think twice before buying a bottle for your grandparents for Christmas.  As a grandparent who relies on Christmas, Fathers' Day and my birthday to replenish my stocks of the good stuff, I take a very dim view of this.  I have produced a family report pointing out all the advantages of keeping grandad happy and mellow.  I think they get the picture.

All plain sailing now?

So has Zimbabwe seen the end of the Mugabes?  Personally, I wouldn't bet on it!

It is your destiny...

So Nibiru has failed to deliver again??  Never mind - it's just a matter of time before someone decides that the calculations were wrong and comes up with yet another date for doomsday.  As Private Frazer was wont to say "We're doomed!" - it's just a matter of when.

It's private, mate!

I've meant to post about this before but somehow never got round to it.  It seems the DVLA make a significant amount of money from selling details of who owns what car to non-governmental organisations - mainly local authorities chasing council tax arrears, and companies running car-parks seeking  to recover fines.  So why is this bad?  Because this is information which the DVLA collected under statutory authority.  When you buy a car you are legally bound to inform the Authority of this fact, giving full details of who you are, how old you are, where you live, and so on.  Now if you give this type of information to someone voluntarily - say in order to get a store-card for example - then you have to accept that it may be sold on to somebody else. and if you don't like the idea of that happening, then the answer is to not give it (and do without the store-card or whatever).  But like I say, when it comes to owning a car, you have no choice.  And it seems to me - that being so - that the quid pro quo should be that your information should remain within government and not be divulged to anyone outside.  I fear I am ploughing a lone furrow, but that's how I see it.

Christmas lexicon

According to the National Trust, we should no longer talk about Santa Claus.  Father Christmas, they reckon, is "more British".  Mind you, an Irish Catholic priest has gone one better by suggesting that we should stop using the word Christmas at all, as it "no longer has any sacred meaning" and has been hijacked by "Santa and reindeer".  Remember when Birmingham came up with the idea of Winterval?  Perhaps not so daft after all.

What's the story?

What do we make of this business about Damian Green's computer?  Long story short - ten or so years ago the police were investigating  information which was allegedly being "leaked" from the Home Office.  Green - then shadow immigration minister - was arrested as part of this investigation and documents and computers were seized.  In the event, no charges were brought against Green, but the police are now saying that back then pornography was found on his computer.  It matters now because he is currently the de facto Deputy Prime Minister.  The important words in the police's statement to my mind are "on his".  "On" first of all - from what I read there is no suggestion that pornographic images were found on the hard disk, but rather that the browsing history showed that the computer had been used to access pornographic sites.  Which brings us to "his".  To what extent was it his computer - how many other people had access to it?  I've not seen the answer to that question, or even any indication that it has been asked.  So is this all froth and bubble and no substance?

So much for modern technology...

Since doing away with the paper tax disc and replacing it with an online system, the number of untaxed cars on the road has tripled. and the cost to the Treasury is some ten times as much as the new system was supposed to save.  

Hic the noo!

Supermarkets and off-licences near the Scottish border are busy stocking up on beers and wines in anticipation of an upsurge in sales.  Why??  Well, the Supreme Court has given the Scottish Government the go-ahead to impose a minimum price per unit on the sale of alcohol, and this will mean that booze in Scotland will become more expensive to buy than in the rest of the UK.  So if you live close to the English border it may well be worth while taking the car across and loading up over there.  Booze-cruise v2.0?

Greggs - flaky, and not just the pastry!

You do sometimes wonder about people's sanity, don't you?  Who on earth would think it appropriate to replace the baby Jesus in a nativity scene with a sausage roll?  And yet, that is what has happened on Gregg's advent calendar.  Now, an advent calendar doesn't just suddenly appear out of the blue - it must have been in preparation for weeks, months probably, and must have been seen and checked by many people.  So this was not simply a mental aberration by one person - more a case of corporate stupidity.  And as has been pointed out, the basic sacrilege is compounded by the fact that it is a sausage roll - pork, which is an unclean meat for Jews.

And today is...

Has Google out-doodled itself?  What used to be an occasional bit of fun or interest has become, for me at least, somewhat of a bore.  The problem is that there are really only a relatively few occasions and anniversaries worth recording but Google now seem to be intent on finding something to do a doodle about every day.  And in order to do so, they have to stretch the anniversary concept to ridiculous limits.  Yesterday, for example, they chose to mark the 131st anniversary of the invention of the hole punch,  Now you can argue whether the invention of the hole punch was significant enough to warrant marking, but the 131st anniversary??

Gradable adverbs

You what??!  These are words like "very", "quite" and "rather" which grade (that is, accentuate or diminish)  some other word. So "very bad" (worse than just bad) or "quite entertaining" (could be more entertaining) and so on.  A professor at Lancaster University has suggested that the use of such words is becoming less common, and wonders if this is an indication that we (Brits) are becoming less deferential and more assertive.  I hope not - it's our tendency towards over-politeness and under-statement that sets us apart from our brash cousins over the pond, and long may it continue to do so.

Brexit

Anybody else feel like sticking up two fingers to the EU and simply walking away?

Words

One of those things which is so obvious once you really look at it - the word "bootlegging" refers to the practice of secreting bottles of illicit booze in the wide tops of "cowboy" style boots in the US prohibition era.  Liquor was also brought in by boat - mainly from the Caribbean- and this gave rise to the expression "rum-running".

We will remember them

Here's the full poem - see October 28th

In Flanders fields the poppies grow

Between the crosses, row and row

That mark our place.  And in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead.  Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe,

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch.  Be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep - though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

R.I.P.

Normally my posts under this head are factual accounts of people who have passed on, but every now and again I am filled with sadness when I have to write one.  This is one of those times - Antonio Carluccio.  Never knew him, but felt as though I did.  Always a pleasure to see him on the TV and we were the same age which somehow makes it all the more personal.  I'm sure if I had known him, we would have been friends.  Addio Antonio.

So, who won then?

Funny story about a woman from a little Cambridgeshire village who baked a Victoria sponge and entered it into the village cake competition.  She was chuffed when she found out she had won second prize.  But not so chuffed and rather confused when she discovered she was the only entrant!

The Lazy Cook

Pared-down pad thai

You will need -

• Packet of rice noodles
• Chunky peanut butter - about two tablespoons
• Crushed garlic (in a jar from the supermarket)
• Crushed ginger (ditto)
• Dark soy sauce
• 2 eggs

Cook the noodles in accordance with the instructions on the packet and put on one side.  Add a slurp of cooking oil in a wok and add the peanut butter, garlic, ginger and soy sauce.  Heat gently until peanut butter had liquefied.  Turn up the heat.  Whisk the eggs, season, and add to wok together with the noodles.  Stir until eggs have scrambled.

'Taint fair!

Oh Gawd - here we go again.  Tax avoidance is perfectly legal - you can argue about the morality of it, but it is not illegal, and is only possible because of the hopelessly convoluted complexity of our tax laws which wittingly or unwittingly create loopholes for clever accountants to take advantage of.  The so-called Paradise Papers are simply a reflection of this.  So what's all the fuss about?  As I see it, it is simply a matter of reverse snobbishness - these posh people can afford to employ tax advisers to sort out these clever schemes for them, whereas I have to pay all my taxes and live in poverty on bread and gruel, sort of thing.  So the answer is to sort out the tax laws, not to demonise those who legally take advantage of them.

Round and round...

If you had a fireworks party last night, did you have any Catherine wheels?  And if so, did you wonder why they are called Catherine wheels?  Well they are named after Saint Catherine of Alexandria, who was an early Christian martyr who was condemned to death by being "broken on the wheel" which involved being strapped to a wagon wheel and then having all your bones broken by beating.  The story goes that before the beating could start, the wheel miraculously broke apart.  Didn't do poor Catherine much good, mind you, as she was subsequently beheaded.

Mistress of the mystery.

With the upcoming remake of "Murder On The Orient Express" about to hit the screens, the worth - or otherwise - of Agatha Christie as a writer has come to the fore once again.  She never claimed to be a great author, or to be writing "literature" but by God she was a great story-teller and a most accomplished plotter.  And for me. that is enough to fix her place in the pantheon of the great writers
.

Westminster scandal?

I'm getting very perturbed by the way MP's, and other's, lives are being picked apart by the media based mainly, as far as one can see, on rumour. point scoring and blatant opportunism.  The cry you keep hearing is that there is no independent body to whom people who claim to have been improperly assaulted can go and complain.  Yes there is. it's called the Police! Perhaps the question is - why haven't they used it?

It's all too thrilling!

I'm sick with excitement trying to decide what I'm going to do with the extra one quarter of one per cent interest I'm going to get on my savings- assuming, that is, that the banks pass it on.  Ooh, I'm all of a quiver!  That's sarcasm by the way.

GBBO

So, how did it work?  The Great British Bake Off moving from BBC to Channel 4 and replacing 75% of its presenters?  Well, pretty well really.  I've never been a huge fan, but have grown used to it over the years, and because they maintained the basic structure and only the faces changed, the transition was much smoother than I expected.  But just one quibble - and it's a big one.  Maybe because of the commercial breaks, it now runs for 1 hour and 15 minutes, which means it doesn't finish until 9.15.  And that really throws my evening viewing, because most channels schedule their stuff on the hour, which means I either have to cut Bake Off short, or miss the beginning of whatever programme I want to watch next.  Please Channel 4 - I would much rather you scheduled it for 7.45 to 9.00 - there's usually a fair bit of faff at the beginning which I could easily skip.  Just a thought?

How many??

Anyone who has gone to University will be familiar with (and probably cringe at) the word "thesis". They will understand it to mean a lengthy document discussing, or perhaps arguing for or against a certain proposition - time consuming and hard work.  So I could never really understand the story of Martin Luther nailing his "ninety-five theses" to the door of that church in Wittenberg in 1517.  Must have had a really long nail, I thought.  But of course the answer is that a thesis doesn't have to be long - it may simply be a short statement, as were Luther's.  In fact I think history suggests that he got the whole thing on one side of one sheet of paper, and it was this he nailed to the door.

I believe...

To hold a point of view is a good thing - it shows and open mind.  To try and force that point of view on others is a bad thing - it shows a closed mind.

Well, hi there!

Remember my post about cousins?  I was suggesting that, if you take any two people at random from the whole world. and go back far enough, you will find that they share a common ancestor and are therefore cousins of some sort.  So although the papers have latched on to the story, I was not at all surprised to find that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are "long lost cousins" thanks to a common 15th century ancestor.  You read it here first!

Apocalypse update.

Thought you'd heard the end of  Nibiru?  Having failed to bring about the end of the world back in September, it's having another go - the new end of the world  date is November 19th.  Hang on to your hats!

Blow or grow?

The Royal British Legion have decided to launch this year's poppy appeal by printing out John McCrae's famous poem "In Flanders Fields" in poppies at various sites around the country.  Except that they have chosen to use the version which starts "In Flanders fields the poppies blow....".  I was always taught that it should be "In Flanders fields the poppies grow...."  and indeed we have the poem written out by the man himself which quite clearly uses the word "grow".  So where did "blow" come from?  There are various theories but, given that the poet himself wrote it as "grow" surely that should be the definitive version?  Further, I think it gives the poem a nice symmetry - first line "In Flanders fields the poppies grow..." and the final line "though poppies grow in Flanders fields".

Phew...!

It seems my jaw was not the only one to hit the floor - see last Sunday's post.  The World Health Organisation has apparently withdrawn its intention of making Robert Mugabe as a goodwill ambassador.  So the only thing outstanding is - which idiot thought of the idea in the first place?

Well, fancy that!

There has always been this theory, particularly amongst Jewish mothers, that the best home treatment for colds and 'flu is chicken soup - to the extent that such soup is generally known as "Jewish penicillin".  But now modern science has established that there is some basis for this and that it can be shown that chicken soup can significantly reduce upper respiratory tract inflammation.  Listen to your Mama!

Look for the silver lining.

Go back five years and you will find a post about the Church Of Scientology planning to make its UK Headquarters in Birmingham.  Well, it opened the other day with what has been described as "secretive razzamatazz".  Which means that there were lots of (Scientology) bigwigs present, many speeches and the building was dressed in blue ribbons, but no outsiders were allowed to attend, and certainly no reporters.  As I mentioned all those years ago, the one positive aspect of all this is that they have renovated the old Pitmaston building, which otherwise would almost certainly have been demolished and the site sold for housing.

Play it again Sam...

...which, by the way is one of those false quotes - it was never said.  But, fascinating fact - watch the film (Casablanca) and you will never see Dooley Wilson's (Sam's) fingers on the keyboard - why?  Because Wilson couldn't play!  This most iconic scene was faked - the piano playing was all done off-screen by one Elliot Carpenter.  Does this in any way devalue the film?  No way!!

Do you remember...?

So Wimpy is looking to make a come-back?  The once ubiquitous fast food chain was more or less put out of business by the rise of those American invaders McDonald's and Burger King.  But they never went completely out of business and still have some 80 stores scattered  around the country.  And now they've got expansion plans.  Will they succeed?  Can they succeed?  The fast food market is pretty crowded - I think they will have to do something more than play the nostalgia card.  I wish them well, though.

Oh, come on....!

Trump has his "fake news" stories - I have my "jaw-dropping" news stories.  You know the sort of thing - you read them once and think "that can't be right", so you read them again, and again with mounting incredulity - but they don't change.  Here's one - the World Health Organisation has named Robert Mugabe a goodwill ambassador.  I rest my case.

What's sauce for the goose...

I don't entirely agree with the principle, but given that it seems the done thing lately to talk about revoking honours given to individuals who have since done something considered incompatible with that honour, should we be thinking about whether to revoke Malta's George Cross?

Ha ha

Bloke dies and goes to heaven.  St Peter says  OK, we've had a look at your file, and frankly you haven't done anything particularly good, nor anything particularly bad,  Not sure what to do with you.  Can you tell me anything you've done which might help me make up my mind?  Well, said the bloke, I saw a bunch of yobs grabbing this old lady and trying to steal her handbag, and I went up to them and told them to stop it, or they'd have me to deal with.  Gosh, said St Peter, that was quite something.  When did this happen?  Oh, about a couple of minutes ago, said the bloke,

Ummm...

Statement on the news the other day - "Three out of five hate crimes go unreported". Well, if they're unreported, how do they know?

Erm...would you mind telling me...

So the next time I go to the doctor's, he's likely to enquire about my sexual orientation?  It seems this is no idle curiosity on his part, he is now required to do this.  Difficult to see the relevance.  Other than the possibility of HIV, it's hard to see any connection between my love life (assuming I had any) and my general health.  More likely to be a source of embarrassment all round, I would think.

Well, fancy that.

It was four years ago - almost to the day - that I posted about my embarrassment on finding that I had been mispronouncing quinoa.  Well here's another one - chipotle, which I've always tended to pronounce to rhyme with "bottle" whereas (and I should have known this, as it's Spanish, which is a language I am reasonably conversant with) it should be chip-ot-lay.  But what I've only recently found out is that it's not a chilli pepper in its own right - it is in fact a jalapeño pepper which has been smoked and dried.  No knowledge is ever wasted, as my Gran used to say.

Will there still be a Fat Controller?

So now it's to be Thomasina the Tank Engine?  In the interests of diversity - or political correctness, depending on your point of view -  The Rev. Awdry's creation is to be re-written for the 21st century,  introducing female and ethnic engines, and sending Thomas abroad to have adventures in foreign lands.  Even the Liverpudlian narration is to go - which of course raises the question - will it still really be Thomas the Tank Engine?

Spooky!

Are you superstitious?  Last Friday was the 13th which on its own was probably enough to make many people think twice about doing anything risky.  But if you felt like spitting in the face of fate, you could have taken it further..  The airline code for Helsinki airport is HEL and a Finnair flight from Copenhagen to Helsinki last Friday had the flight number 666.  So you could have flown on flight 666 to HEL on Friday the 13th - I wonder how many people did, or perhaps more to the point how many people were going to, but then saw the signs, and didn't?

Girls to the left, boys to the right - or is it the other way round?

A sort of "so what" story has arisen in Birmingham where a Muslim school which completely segregates boys and girls from the age of about 10 is guilty of unlawful discrimination.  And very right too, I hear you say, so why "so what"?  Well because the judgment makes it clear that it is only because this is a mixed-sex school that makes what they are doing illegal.  So all that have to do is to split the school into two separate schools - a boys school and a girls school (which is the reality anyway) and they are no longer flouting the law.  Time and money wasted?  And by the way, this is not specifically a Muslim thing - some Orthodox Jewish schools do the same thing, and even, it seems, some Christian schools, and the ruling applies equally to them.  

Here we go again??

Anybody caught sight of Nibiru yet (see post of 15th September)?  No??  Another one bites the dust?

Poly or Uni?

Back in the 1970s I studied at what was then Wolverhampton Polytechnic.  In the 90s - along with many other polytechnics, it was granted University status.  At the time, I seem to remember that it was suggested that the idea behind this was for the government of the day to be able to boast of a large increase in the number of students going on to University.  Now it is being suggested that this change was a mistake and should be reversed.  The argument is that, as Universities, they can (and do) charge University fees without necessarily giving University quality teaching, and also that, wheres as polytechnics, their teaching tended to be part theory, part practical, now they feel as Universities they must be more erudite, and have tended to drop the "hands-on" aspect of their teaching, and this is seen as A Bad Thing for the country as a whole.  Watch this space?

Hold the front page!

I'm a bit worried about this Harvey Weinstein business - yes I know this is a US matter but I have an uncomfortable feeling that, had he been British, much the same things would be happening over here.  For those who haven't been following the news, Mr Weinstein is a film producer who has been fired from his own company - the company he founded - and Hollywood stars are lining up to dump on him. Why?  Well, there's the problem.  Certain allegations of sexual harassment have been made against him.  Note that word - allegations - and at the moment that's all they are They may be true - they may not.  They may be partly true, or a matter of misunderstanding or exaggeration.  There are plenty of them - but quantity doesn't necessarily mean quality.  So what we have here is simply trial by media - they've decided he's guilty and that's that.  And like I say, I can imagine the same thing happening over here.  And that makes me feel uncomfortable.

Here we go again...

The "round pound" coin is being withdrawn from circulation next Sunday - so does that mean if you have any left they become worthless after that?  No.  Once again the concept of "legal tender" is being misunderstood.  You may want to read my posts dated 4/12/05 and 17/5/12 before you go any further.  So after next Sunday they cease to be legal tender, but that's all.  As far as using them to pay for stuff, it's down to the shopkeeper or whoever you're dealing with - they can choose to accept them if they want to.  And you can always pay them into a bank - the Bank Of England if all else fails,

Continued...

It seems that yesterday's post, far from clarifying matters, just confused people, so let's see whether we can make things clearer.  Let's suppose.for the sake of argument, that the dollar and the pound are trading at parity - so a dollar buys a pound, and a pound buys a dollar - OK?  Now let's suppose that you are a company trading on the FTSE working in dollars and this week you have made a profit of $100,000.  The FTSE record this as a profit of £100,000.  With me so far?  Now supposing next week you tread water - so once again you make a profit of $100,000.  But in the interim, the pound has weakened against the dollar. It's now only worth 98 cents - which means that a dollar is now worth £1.02 (I'm rounding and ignoring commission and such).  So as far as the FTSE is concerned, your profit this week is £100,200 - 2% better than last week even though as far as you are concerned it's exactly the same.  All down to a change in the exchange rate.  You see how it works?

Did you know...?

Don't know whether I've posted about this before - apologies if I have, but I've just had one of those "join the dots" moments.  Why, when the pound falls against the dollar, does the FTSE tend to do well, and vice versa?  Well, the majority of the companies which make up the FTSE tend to be multinationals and do their accounting in US dollars.  The FTSE on the other hand does its accounting in pounds sterling.  So company profits or losses (in dollars) have to be converted into pounds for FTSE purposes,  And if the pound weakens against the dollar - meaning your dollar buys more pounds - any profit is exaggerated on conversion into pounds and any loss reduced.  And there you have it.

To what purpose?

Is there any point in investigating an accusation against someone who is dead?  We're talking about Ted Heath of course.  A great deal of police time and money has been expended in looking into allegations of child abuse involving him going back decades.  But to what end?  The man is long dead - even if he did these things, so what?  He can't be punished - or depending on your beliefs, he is already suffering eternal punishment.  But what about the "victims"?  Isn't this all about justice for them?  Well, this supposes that they're telling the truth - the whole truth and nothing but....  Just because they've convinced a policemen who maybe was looking to be convinced in the first place doesn't really help us.  So, like I say, what's the point? Or is this all about compensation???

What a shame!

I'm sorry that Monarch Airlines has folded. We only flew with them once but my recollection is that the in-flight meal was the nicest I ever had.  What I think is questionable, is that the rad flags have been flying for several weeks, and you have to ask whether in those circumstances, the company should have been allowed to continue selling flights  - at least without telling people of the risks.  And of course a lot of people are now out of a job.

And on we go...

So now it's the Conservative conference - and all I said last week about the Labour conference goes in spades for this one.  Main difference is that last week everybody was singing from the same hymn-sheet (or else!) whereas this time you have to look for all the sub-texts - I know what he/she said but what did he/she mean, sort of thing.  Of those I have seen, I thought Hammond's speech was the best - but then again I took it on face value, and was that a mistake?

MH370

Seems pretty unbelievable in this day and age that a jumbo jet can simply disappear into thin air.  And yet, that is exactly what seem to have happened to Flight MH370 which took off three and a half years ago from Kuala Lumpur bound for Beijing.  As best we can tell, and for reasons which we may never know, it veered off course and then vanished.  We think - think - that it most likely lies on the sea-bed somewhere in the Indian Ocean to the west of Australia - but where, and perhaps more importantly, why - we haven't a clue despite three and a half year's intensive work.  The Australian authorities, on winding up their enquiries,  have accepted that the failure to solve the mystery "is almost inconceivable and certainly societally unacceptable".  

Volem votar!

Well, the Scottish independence referendum was a fractious affair but at least it went no further than angry words and insults.  And even if the Westminster government had declared it illegal, I would hope it would not have deteriorated into open violence.  So the pictures and stories coming out of Spain are all the more shocking.  Here the Madrid government have sent in the police to actively disrupt the attempt by the Catalonian government to hold a referendum on independence - blockading polling stations and seizing ballot boxes.  Compare and contrast, eh?

With friends like that....!

Why should we pay any attention to what Boris Johnson has to say about Brexit?  One of the most annoying aspects of the debate as far as I am concerned, is the way those who campaigned most vociferously to leave (Johnson, Duncan Smith, Gove, etc) all ran for the hills when they were faced with the possibility of actually having to put Brexit into practice, and left Theresa May, who was a remainer, to try and sort it out.  And now they are constantly sniping at her from the side-lines.  So no - you had your chance and chickened out, and now if you can't say anything helpful, just shut up!

Ah so!

I think I would like to live in Japan - they know how to treat their old people,  The latest example is their attitude to older drivers.  Unlike most other countries, which seek to get old people off he roads (I have to renew my driving licence every three years and swear on a stack of bibles that I am still physically, mentally and psychologically fit to drive) the Japanese take the view that driving keeps old people mentally alert, and getting out and about is good for their morale and social skills, so they are encouraged to keep going.

Cheque's in the post??

Find it difficult to understand this Universal Credit business.  It seems that, of you are put on Universal Credit, this immediately stops any benefits you might already be getting, but it will then be six weeks before you get your first Universal Credit payment,  What are you supposed to do in the interim?  And therein lies the problem - it seems the Department of Work and Pensions have no plans for this - or, even worse, don't seem to think this is in any way their problem.   So you either have to use your savings - if you have any - or go into debt if you haven't.  And that to me make no sense.  I've not seen any pronouncement from the DWP about this other than that they are satisfied that "the vast majority of claimants...are comfortably managing their money".  Sounds more like a hope than a statement of fact to me, and in any case, what about the minority who aren't?

Ha ha

What did the American buffalo say to his child as he went off to school?
- Bison.

Continued...

Sorry if anybody was offended by yesterday's post - no rudeness or lèse-majesté was intended by referring to Prince Harry's girl-friend as Thingy,.  I was in a bit of a rush as I was typing, and just couldn't bring her name to mind.  Meghan Markle - doesn't exactly trip off the tongue, does it?  So I hope that's straightened everything out.

Naughty!

It seems that holding hands in public is "not done" in the Royal family.  Strange?  Prince Harry and Thingy did it and the picture made the front pages of just about all the newspapers - even stranger.  Comparisons are being drawn with Edward VIII and Mrs Simpson - oh, for Heaven's sake, come on!

Talking shop?

What exactly are Party Conferences for?  At present it's the Labour conference, but I'm sure the Conservative conference, whenever it is, will be much the same.  Talk about preaching to the converted!  Just a load of speeches saying how great we are, and how terrible the other lot are.  Nothing really positive comes out of them and it's unlikely that anybody's views are ever changed as a result, so, like I say, what are they for?

Über Alles?

So Transport for London has banned Uber from the Capital?  Whatever the rights or wrongs, I am irresistibly reminded of French workers in the 19th century who, worried that new automated machines would rob them of their jobs, took to throwing their wooden clogs (sabots) into the machines to wreck them - hence our word "sabotage".  The pressure for banning Uber has mainly come from the black cab drivers, who are equally worried that the Uber model will eventually mean the end of their livelihood.  They may well be right, but you can't stop progress, and the expression "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" springs to mind.

When in hole, stop digging?

So now it appears that Brexit no longer means Brexit, but Brexit deferred?  And deferred by how long?  The Prime Minister in her recent speech was carefully vague.  She talked of a "double lock" giving people the certainty that the period will be "time limited" and "will not go on for ever", but when it came to specifics, was prepared to do no more than suggest "about two years".  Which takes us to at least 2021. and who knows what the situation will be - and indeed who will be in power - by then.  Plenty of wiggle-room!

Blistering barnacles!!

Was Tintin gay - or even worse, a girl??  So claims a French philosopher in a sensational essay.  The author Hergé is of course long dead and therefore unavailable for comment, but it is said that he and his close friends were in on the joke and left many clues in the books which support the claim.  He was also responsible for the illustrations in the books, where certainly Tintin is often portrayed as somewhat androgynous.  Of course, you could ignore the whole business and simply enjoy the books on their undoubted merits.

Two for the price of one.

Sorry about yesterday - the kids and grandkids weren't around, so I'm afraid you got both barrels.  Apologies. To make it up to you, here's a joke -
My grandfather started walking five miles a day when he was 60.  He's 82 now - and we haven't a clue where the hell he is!

Oh dear...

I'm depressed.  September is drawing to a close, the nights and mornings are getting darker, and the weather is misty and dull.  I've posted before about how my soul sinks at this time of year, and after what happened last year I am even more apprehensive about the winter to come.  Any positive vibes you could send my way would be appreciated.

Stack 'em high, sell 'em cheap

So the fastest-growing UK supermarket is Lidl.  All power to their elbow.  I've posted before about my admiration for them and for Aldi who provide no-frills shopping at much lower prices than the bigger stores.  As regards Lidl - and I'm sure I've mentioned this before - unfortunately my local store (about 10 minutes away) was for some unfathomable reason shut down some five years ago, and now I have an awkward half-hour journey to get to their nearest shop.  So I only go every now and again - sort of as a treat,

I'm innocent - but guilty!

We seem to have sort of lost the plot about this business of child grooming.  A 12-year-old girl was bombarded with requests from a paedophile to send him (we presume it was a him) nude pictures of herself.  Eventually she gave way and did so,  Her mother found out and informed the police.  So far, so nasty, but the mother has acted responsibly and hopefully the paedophile will eventually be found and brought to justice.  The girl is the victim here - yes?  Well, no, apparently.  The Protection of Children Act 1978 make it an offence to "take...show...or distribute" an indecent photograph of a child, which you would think was fair enough, but amazingly this applies even if the person taking, showing or distributing such a photograph is the child themselves,  So our 12-year-old girl has committed an offence, and potentially could end up with a criminal record.  The authorities have discretion as to whether or not to prosecute, but surely this cannot be right?  Is this just a case of bad drafting or of people not thinking things through - or am I not seeing the full picture?

Ha ha

My dog used to chase anybody on a bike.
Finally, it got so bad, I had to take its bike away.

One, two, three. four...

Is a conductor (orchestral) really necessary?  The question arises because an orchestral concert in Pisa, Italy was conducted entirely by a robot.  Or was it?  The robot "learned" its movements by following the movements of the orchestra's resident conductor, so just who was conducting?  Really all the robot was doing was following a program - a set series of instructions - and there's nothing remarkable about that.  The more interesting question, which well predates computers and robots, is does an orchestra really need a conductor at all?  After all, these are professional players who have rehearsed together and know the piece they are playing - does someone waving a stick at them really make any difference?  Smaller groups, like string quartets and such, manage without a conductor.  So why not full orchestras?  I don't know the answer, but to my mind, a conductor - and who it is - certainly does make a difference, although I'm not sure why.

Join the dots?

(1) The Government announces a pay rise for the police. (2) The Police Commissoner for West Mercia says that "the funding [for this] has to come from somewhere and there is a risk that [it] could potentially lead to reductions in officer and staff numbers".  Actions have consequences, or as my Gran used to say, and you must be getting pretty tired of me telling you, you can't have the penny and the bun.

Apocalypse now.

We haven't had an "end of the world is coming" story for some time, so it must be time for another one.  Heard of Nibiru?  No - neither had I but apparently it's a planet-sized object which will collide with, or pass very close to the earth at the end of this month and as a result, destroy all life on this planet.  An American businessman has set the date as September 23rd.  Mind you, I think you should know that this businessman's business is selling undeground bunkers!  Really think this must amount to a conflict of interest?

Compare and contrast

So Len McCluskey - leader of the Unite union - sees himself as on a par with Nelson Mandela and Gandhi, and like them (or his vision of them) he is prepared to break the law in pusuit of his goals.  Fair enough, I supppose, provided he, like tham, is prepared to accept the consequences of breaking the law, but I've a feeling that that is where any possible similarity will end.

Up the Wolves!

I'm sure you are aware that I am a devoted fan (and believe me, given all their ups and downs, you have to be devoted) of Wolverhampton Wanderers - my local team (or at least it was when I was at school).  So I have a concrete and logical reason for being a fan,  But apparently Mark Hamill (yes, Luke Skywalker from Star Wars) is now also a fan - but in his case by accident.  He apparently "liked" a tweet asking if he was a Wolves fan (thinking it referred to the animals) and was then inundated with supportive tweets from fans of the club.  So he now reckons he's a fan by default ("Never heard of them until two days ago...but they made me feel like family").  Mind you, we could do with all the help we can get.  May The Force be with us!!

Where do you fit in?

Somebody used the word "Millennials" on TV the other day to describe the type of consumer they were trying to reach, and I thought - I really must find out exactly what that word means.  Well, I fell at the first hurdle, because there is nothing "exact" about it.  Apparently sociologists have for some time been dividing us up into "generations" according to when we were born, and then looking for common characteristics - and making them up if they couldn't find any!  So I apparently belong to the Silent Generation - those born sort of mid-1920s to mid -1940s.  We were followed by the Baby Boomers (mid-40s to mid-60s) and they in turn by the rather sinisterly named Generation X (mid-60s to early 80s).  Which brings us to the Millennials (early 80s to late 90s) and the current lot, born after that are Generation Z.  Not sure I feel any the wiser for all that though.

A Cappella

So what exactly does that mean?  Well, it refers to unaccompanied singing - specifically but not exclusively - choral singing.  But why a cappella?  Well, big churches, Catholic and Anglican, were constructed in the same way - entrance at the west end, straight aisle from the door to the altar at the east end.  And then off to the sides of the aisle would be smaller side-chapels, designed for private prayer, and often dedicated to some particular saint.  These side-chapels would have their own altars and seating - they would in fact be miniatures of the church itself, with one important difference.  No organ - so if you wanted music in these little chapels, it had to be unaccompanied singing,  The Latin word for chapel is cappella and so unaccompanied singing became known as singing "in the style of a chapel" - or a cappella.

Blast from the past

Interesting to see that the case of Steven Ward has raised its head again (see 4/12/13).  A nephew of his has asked the Criminal Cases Review Comission, who have the power to refer "iffy" convictions to the Court Of Appeal, to look into it.  They have said they will not make a referral in this case basically because of the time which has elapsed, the fact that Ward is dead, and that important documents (not least the transcript of the judge's summing up) cannot be found.  However they did say that, if Ward had still been alive, they "may well have been minded" to make such a referral. The trial has been described as "an appalling manipulation of justice by police, politicians and judges caught up in a moral panic".  Perhaps the final word should rest with the Commission themselves  who said that the case should perhaps e considered as simply "a case of its time".

Too little, too late?

I have to add my voice to those criticising the Government's efforts regarding the aid being offered to islands for which we have responsibility in the Caribbean and which have suffered damage as a result of Hurricane Irma.  I feel much as I felt back in 2013 about a typhoon which devastated part of the Philippines (see 14/11/13).  We knew this was coming well in advance and surely we should have been offering assistance in preparing for it, rather than simply letting it happen and then offering help to clear up the mess? 

I'll huff and I'll puff...

The news is full of  Hurricane Irma - but what is there to say?  It's safely out of the way as far as we are concerned and although the wind speeds are eye-watering by our standards, we can just sit on the side-lines and watch it happen.  What I think comes through to me most strongly is the even-handedness of the whole thing.  The super-rich have been hit as badly as the poor.  And I somehow feel there's a moral there somewhere.  

Can we get back to teaching?

We've spoken before about these topics which come around every year, and as it's back-to-school time we have the usual stories of children falling foul of their school's uniform policy, but this year the situation is complicated by the current obsession with gender-fluidity.  Never mind whether a student's skirt-length is too short - what about if that student is a boy?  One school has decided that the way to deal with this is to ban skirts and require all pupils to wear trousers - but then, isn't that sexist?  Why trousers - why not make them all wear skirts?  What a mess!

Penny on the bottle.

Scotland is discussing whether to bring this old idea back to life it seems.  So you would pay more for your can or bottle of drink, but would then get this extra back when you returned your empty can or bottle to the shop, or other approved collection point.  Commonplace in my childhood, and worked well.  The driving force behind this idea is not so much to encourage recycling, but to discourage people from littering the countryside.  All very admirable.but critics point to the possible negative effect on sales and also the scope for what they describe as "fraud".  Don't quite see it as fraud myself, but what they're on about is, at the one end people rummaging through other people's bins in search of discarded cans or bottles, and at the other end people bringing car- or lorry-loads of cans or bottles over the border from England to collect the returns.  Still just a proposal at present, so watch this space.

Takes ones mind off Brexit!

So Wills and Kate are expecting baby number 3?  Given Kate's past experience with an extreme form of morning sickness which has needed medical intervention, the words "glutton" and "punishment" spring to mind!  Best wishes to them both (well, all three), obviously.

Pragmatism?

So what do we do about Kim Jong-un?  Sanctions don't seem to have had any effect, Trump's bluster doesn't seem to have had any effect, international condemnation doesn't seem to have had any effect, so what now?  Can I suggest that I think the question which should be being asked is - what does he want?  Surely he doesn't really want to go to war with America, either directly or indirectly - what on earth would there be in it for him, other than the destruction of his country and probably himself?  So what's he really after?  And I think what he really, really wants (Spice Girls) is respect, recognition, to be accepted as a member of the nuclear club, to be one of the "big boys".  And if that means appearing to accept that he's "won" and give him his moment of glory, it would seem to me to be a small price to pay.

Three wise monkeys

The majority of crimes are committed by young males.  This is a statistical fact.  So is that first sentence in any way sexist or ageist?  If you see a young male walking down the street do you automatically think "he's probably a criminal?". Why am I asking this?  Because a Labour MP has been sacked for claiming that Britain has a "problem" with British Pakistani men exploiting young white girls.  She points to recent cases in Rotherham, Rochdale, Newcastle and Oxford of gangs of men coming before the courts charged with grooming and sexually abusing girls.  The majority of the men involved were of Pakistani heritage, and the majority of the girls were young white teenagers. So why was she sacked (or forced to resign which is pretty much the same thing)?  Because, according to the Labour hierarchy, what she said amounted to "demonising a community" - in other words labelling all Pakistani men as paedophiles. But was it?  I'm sure there are those who think that way, but was that the intention? Are we so afraid of being seen as racist that we cannot report what is staring us in the face?

Them and us.

I wonder what the survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire feel about the amounts of money which have been flying around during the football transfer window.  How the other half live, eh?

Music Man

Just a personal thing - I'm a dedicated Simpsons fan, and much of its appeal to me comes from it's music. So I was shocked and saddened to hear that Alf Clausen, who has provided the music for the show for the last 27 years has been told that his services will no longer be required.  The press have all used the word "fired" but I'm not sure it's that straightforward.  It's been suggested that it is less to do with Clausen himself, and more to do with the costs involved in his using a full 35-piece orchestra. Whatever the reason, it's a shame.

Ha ha

Wife - Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet?

Husband - Love, do you remember the jewellery shop on the high street where you saw that diamond necklace and fell in love with it and I couldn’t afford it then, but I said "I will get it for you one day"?

Wife (all excited) - Yes I do, I do.

Husband - Well I'm in the pub just over the road from there.

Add to the list...

Bi-sexual, trans-sexual, a-sexual ...  I think I just about understand what those mean, but now it seems we have to deal with demi-sexual.  As far as I can get a grip on that, it describes somebody, of either gender, who is not interested in casual relationships or one-night stands, and who is incapable of sexual feelings towards anybody until and unless they have first established a strong emotional relationship. But hang on - I can only speak for myself, but isn't that pretty well how it's supposed to work?  Love comes first - sex follows.  So a demi-sexual is somebody who is not a slag - or whatever the male equivalent is - someone who doesn't jump into bed with the first person they come across, but looks for a relationship first and foremost.  In other words - dare I say - normal?

What a mess!

Was it Groucho Marx who said something like "I wouldn't want to belong to any club which would have me as a member"?  I'm beginning to feel the same about Brexit.  It seems more and more politicos are suggesting that, yes we should leave the EU, but that there should then be a transitional period during which for all piratical purposes, we would still be in it!  And more and more it is being suggested that this transitional period should be open-ended.  So we'd be out and in all at the same time!  Spot the difference?  Those who voted to leave as a way of controlling immigration must be spitting blood!

Look what I've found!

You can't "discover" something which is already there.  At least this is the basis on which Australian aborigines are objecting to statues of Captain Cook which describe him as the "discoverer" of Australia. And of course that's right - you could equally argue that Christopher Columbus did not discover America and so on.  But think about it - in order to discover anything it has to be already there in order to be discovered.   So it's all a bit silly really when you think about it.

Pardon?

I knew that an outgoing US President had the power to pardon convicted criminals - I remember reading a thriller (was it Grisham?) based on that very theme - but I didn't realise that a President always had that power throughout his term.  It's come to light because Trump has recently come under fire for pardoning a sheriff mate of his who was convicted of what was seen as a racist offence. What's that old saying - "It's not what you know..."?

Alt-right

So, just what is it?  Like most labels, the answer is not straightforward, because different people put their own slant on it.  I think everybody agrees it stands for "alternative-right", but beyond that, it depends who you talk to.  To many, it's just a different way of saying "extreme right" but for others it specifically means white nationalism and even more extreme views, like antisemitism, neo-Nazism, homophobia and the like.  Very much a "we hate (fill in the blank)" movement.  It was clearly always there, bubbling under the surface, but there's no doubt it has been energised by the election of President Trump and his "make America great again" slogan.

Letters and numbers

Can't understand why there's such a fuss about the GCSE grading being altered from the old A*- G to the new 9-1.  Seems simple enough to me - if you're an employer interviewing for a position and looking for an intellectual high-flyer, you would ideally have been looking for an A* candidate under the old system, and now equally ideally you're looking for someone with a 9.  What's the problem?

The Carabao Cup

The what??  It's the latest incarnation of what started out life 50-odd years ago as the Football League Cup, and was the League's answer to the F A Cup.  All was OK until the League opened the competition up to sponsors, and as a sweetener agreed to the Cup being named after its sponsor - since when it's  been the Milk Cup, Littlewoods Cup, Rumbelows Cup, Coca-Cola Cup, Worthington Cup, Carling Cup, Capital One Cup, EFL Cup, and currently the afore-mentioned Carabao Cup. Carabao by the way is a Thai energy drink.

The bells, the bells....

Tuned in to watch and listen to Big Ben chiming at midday on Monday - last time, other than for special occasions, that it will sound for four years apparently while renovation and repairs are done. And I had this sudden existential thought - shall I still be here in four years' time to see and hear its re-appearance.  And that thought brought me up short, I can tell you!

Problems, problems...

Find it very difficult to understand how it (apparently) was ever the case that abusive behaviour online was treated differently from abusive behaviour in the "real world". And yet, it seems it was so, because prosecutors have now been told to treat them the same - the implication being that they haven't been up until now  I've spoken before about what I see as the potential evils of social media, where you can spew out poison and vitriol whilst remaining anonymous.  Quite what you do about it, I'm not sure.  The logical thing is to require anybody using Facebook or Twitter or such to prove and have put on record their real identity so that they can be traced and brought to account if necessary. But clearly that would negate the whole ethos of social media, which for most users is simply the online equivalent of a chat with strangers down the pub. And how do you tell if people are telling the truth?  Any ideas?

'Twas ever thus.

The world is understandably concerned at the prospect of war between the United States and North Korea.  But this ignores the fact that those two countries are already at war, and have been for nearly 70 years. What we refer to as the Korean War started in 1950 and has never been officially ended. There was an armistice in 1953, but that was it.  The parties are still theoretically at war.

R.I.P.

Bruce Forsyth - one of the last - maybe the last of those entertainers who came up through the halls (music halls, that is) and as such were proficient in many fields. Indeed, although he was so good at it, I always felt he was somewhat wasted as a game-show host.  He had so many other talents - singer, dancer, very underrated jazz pianist. stand-up comedian, he could do the lot.  He'll be missed.

Whip crack away!

Do you know what a Whip is?  I'll give you a clue - it's a chocolate treat. It's made by Nestlé.  It's been around for some time,  but it used to have a topping.  Have you got it?  Yes, it's a Walnut Whip without the walnut.  The mind boggles!

The wheel turns...

A bit of a hoo-haa about this year's A-level results following the introduction of a new, tougher testing system.  Except it's not new - it's going back to the old system which existed when I took my A-levels in 1955 I think it would have been.  No course-work, no modules, no AS exams - just one three-hour exam at the end of the two years, and back then it was pass or fail - no grades.  There were many who thought it unfair that your whole academic future should depend on one exam when you might not be at your best, and so continuous assessment became the order of the day.  But you can raise arguments against any method of testing a pupil's ability and so continuous assessment in its turn gave way to course work, and so on.  We seem to have now come full circle back to the idea of a single final exam.  But I very much doubt that will be he end of it.

Blood on whose hands?

What are we to make of this Charlottesville business?  Not strictly our concern - or is it?  Where I live (West Midlands) we frequently get the EDL (English Defence League) organising demonstrations and being met by anti-fascist counter-demonstrations. America of course always does things bigger and better(??) but otherwise it's much the same thing.  It's natural to see the counter-demonstrators as having the moral high ground but violence is meted out by both sides and a thump round the head with a baseball bat has the same impact, irrespective of who is wielding it.  And although I find it strange to be sort of defending him, I think that is what Trump was trying to get at. Violence is violence - the concept of "righteous violence" is iffy at best.  What I find more helpful is to look at motivation - who was there for what purpose?  Who was being proactive, and who merely reactive?  Seen this way, it is clearer to see that the alt-right lot were the instigators, and those opposing them simply reacting to what was being done.  Doesn't alter the fact that violence was meted out by both sides.

The English tea ceremony.

Yesterday's post reminded me that, in the days before teabags, you made your tea in a teapot and poured it into the cup from that.  But did you put the milk in first or afterwards?  This was something about which people would come to blows - each maintaining that their way was the "right" way of preparing a cuppa.  I remember that "milk in first" was considered a bit common.  I think everybody was in agreement that the pot must be warmed first, and the tea must be left to brew for a couple or three minutes, but this question of the milk...!  I saw a suggestion a while ago that it was all to do with the type of crockery you used.  As the tea would be near boiling point, there was a danger that pouring it straight into the cup might crack it if it was inferior china, so you put the milk in first to guard against that.  If you were rich enough to be able to afford the best porcelain, you didn't have to concern yourself with that, and putting the milk in last enabled you to control the colour to your liking.

Fancy a cuppa?

One of those strange things which no-one can really explain is that in the US - traditionally coffee drinkers - they have high street tea bars, whereas we - traditionally tea drinkers - have high street coffee shops like Starbucks, Costa and so on.  It's been suggested that it's something to do with the fact that, unlike us, US households don't tend to have electric kettles, though I have to say that the connection escapes me.

Round the bend?

Did you know that a banana gets its curved shape as a result of the conflicting forces of gravity, trying to force it downwards, and the attraction of sunlight, trying to force it upwards.

Ooh, you can't say THAT!

Apparently, we must add to the list of words which mustn't be used, the word "spastic".  Really?  It was used by an American athlete being interviewed at the World Athletics Championships the other day, and resulted in an apology by the British presenter, who described it as a word "that may have caused offence". Well when I was younger, to have called anyone a "spazza" would have been very definitely derogative, but to have said that they were spastic would not have carried the same disparaging meaning, but probably be seen more as a statement of fact. In America it seems it is used to mean clumsy or over-excited, and that is the sense in which it was used on this occasion.  You remember that quote about us and America being two nations divided by a common language?

D.B.Cooper

Who he?  You may well ask.  Back in 1971 a man describing himself as Dan Cooper hi-jacked a Boeing 727 on the ground at a US airport, claiming to have a bomb, and demanded $200,000 for the release of the passengers.  When this was paid - in cash - he let the passengers go and had the plane take off.  Once airborne, he parachuted out of the plane with the money, and was never seen again. Some $6,000 of the money was found on the ground near where he must have landed, but, despite extensive work by the authorities, no trace was ever found of him or the rest of the money.  So, that's the story.  The recent discovery of a parachute strap has rekindled interest that the money, which is believed to have been buried, might be found. Cooper himself is believed to have died from exposure - he was inappropriately dressed for the terrain and the weather.  But, who knows?

Ha ha

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker..
-- well she's not exactly my girlfriend - yet,

R.I.P.

Glen Campbell - very much of my generation, and his version of "Wichita Lineman" is right up there in my list of favourite songs of all time.

Giz a drag.

A photo of David Cameron with a cigarette between his fingers has re-ignited a discussion about the "evils" of smoking.  I've mentioned before that I used to smoke - pretty well everybody did back then - but I gave it up about 50 years ago.  Not that it was a matter of health - it was a matter of money.  Perhaps because of this, I've always had a soft spot for smokers.  When I worked, we had to have a designated room for smokers, and the designated room was my office!  I've never had time for the "I don't like it, therefore you shouldn't be allowed to do it" school of thought.  If you choose to smoke, knowing the risks, then as I see it, it's up to you. I've mentioned before that in my view the "second-hand smoke" argument is tenuous at best. So if Dave wants a crafty fag, I'm not going to criticise.

The Rainbow Trust?

I am a member of the National Trust.  This goes back to when my wife was alive - she was very interested in local history and enjoyed visiting historic houses, and so we became members of the Trust - and English Heritage - and when she died I maintained membership of both - partly in her memory, and partly because I thought they were both doing a good job, and worth supporting.  I have to say that I am having second thoughts about National Trust, who to my eyes seem to have lost focus on their primary purpose of protecting the landscape and historic buildings, and become more involved in politics which seem to have little or nothing to do with that purpose.  The latest example concerns Felbrigg Hall in Norfolk where volunteers (note that word) who dealt with the public were required (note that word too) to wear LGBT lanyards and badges.  The Trust's rationale was that the last owner of the property was gay (although this is disputed) and that the Trust was marking the 50th anniversary of the Sexual Offences Act 1967 which partially decriminalised homosexual activity in private between consenting adults.  But so what?  What has that got to do with the price of fish?  If I visit Felbrigg Hall it is to see the property. I am not in any way bothered by or interested in the sexuality of the previous owner (even if true) and fail to see any connection between my visit and the 1967 Act.  I should perhaps mention in conclusion that the Trust have withdrawn their requirement to wear LGBT colours - it is now optional.

Go away - I live here.

I remember many years ago going on holiday for a week down in Cornwall - can't remember just where but it was a beautiful little village on the coast, and I was having a drink in a nearby pub and commenting to the locals on what a lovely place it was, "Yes" said one "it's a lovely place all right from October to April, except for the weather, but from May to September it's a pain - full of tourists, nowhere to park, roads all clogged up - you can keep it".  And that was my first intimation that actually living in the sort of place we all like going on holiday to may have its downside.  I mention this because apparently tourists in the Mediterranean - particularly Barcelona and Mallorca - are being harassed by the locals, telling them that they are not welcome.  Of course tourists bring in the money, so it's that old problem of not being able to have the penny and the bun.

A race too far?

For a few minutes last evening we were all Jamaican.  World Athletic Championships 100m final. Usain Bolt's  last appearance - got to win, yes?  But he didn't - sometimes fate doesn't give us the result we crave. We just have to live with that.  Should Gatlin (the twice-banned American who did win) have been allowed to race?  Pointless question - we don't make the rules, and those that do said yes.  The fairy tale is over - but it was wonderful while it lasted.  Let's remember that.

Sorry Grandad - you're barred!

There's a suggestion that, as there's a minimum age for voting, there should also be a maximum age - 65 is being put forward.  I can see the logic - I shall be 80 in a few weeks (Gawd 'elp me!) and statistics suggest that I probably won't see 90 (only a 30% chance).  Those of my grandchildren who are eligible to vote are in their 20s. So should our votes count the same?  In making our individual decisions about how to vote, I only have to worry about the next few years, whereas they need to consider the next few decades.  So should people's votes be "weighted" according to how long they are likely to have to live with the consequences?  I think this discussion has mainly arisen as a result of the referendum result, where it seems (and I still find this hard to understand) that the "leave" vote was mainly driven by older voters, although it is the younger generation who will have to live with the result.

Where there's a will....

Birmingham has a problem with foul odours and an increase in foxes and rats.  Yes, the binmen are on strike. This has been going on for several weeks now, and streets are becoming clogged with black sacks full of rotting rubbish.  It seems the council and the Unite union are at loggerheads, and there is no immediate prospect of the problem being solved.  Some residents are taking matters into their own hands, and a local Muslim group is doing a great job of picking up black sacks from the streets and taking them to the tip.  But clearly this is a health hazard, and quite apart from their responsibility to collect refuse, the council also have a responsibility to deal with things like offensive smells and rodent infestations, so couldn't they just bypass the bin men and their union and deal with the situation under their public health obligations?

Least worst solution?

Should we abolish the monarchy?  With the Queen and  Prince Philip clearly in the twilight of their years, the question has raised its head again.  And yet again, whatever you think about the prospect of King Charles III, the thing you have to ask yourself is - what's the alternative?  And the only possible answer is - a President. Do we really want one if those?  Look over the pond - look at recent elections for metropolitan mayors, for police commissioners - they've all been political fights ending up with a political appointee.  Do we really want a President (here fill in a Conservative or Labour appointee)? Speaking for myself, I'll take King Charles any day,

Am I bovvered?

I'm struggling to get a handle on Brexit.  I thought it was simple - we voted to leave, and it was just a matter of sorting out the hows and whens, but then the concepts of hard-Brexit and soft-Brexit began to be talked about.  And at that point, I sort of tuned out and let them all get on with it.  But now I've been looking at it again.  My understanding is that hard-Brexit holds that taking control of our borders, and who is allowed in, is paramount, and if this means accepting that the economy and our ability to trade with the rest of the world will suffer, then so be it.  Soft-Brexit is the reverse - the economy and trade must be protected at all costs, and if that means that we will have to accept limitations on our ability to control our borders - so be it. Of course, things aren't helped by the fact that there's a power struggle going on in the Government at the moment, and Brexit is being used as a cover for that.  Think I'll tune out again!!

Who - me?

I'm a racist - wasn't aware I was, and certainly would not describe myself as such, but I'm white (well, more sort of a pinky/grey actually) and therefore, according to the President of Cambridge University's Black and Minority Ethnic Society it therefore follows that I am racist  Well, thanks for that - saves me having to think for myself!

Sod off!!

Well I suggested some three years ago that, rather than trying to stop them going, we should concentrate on stopping those who have gone to Syria to join ISIS from coming back into this country.  And it seems the powers-that-be have finally caught on to the idea - it is reported that some 150 British "jihadists" have been stripped of their citizenship, which means that they no longer have the right to return here.  But apparently we can only do this if they have dual citizenship with some other country. It seems it is illegal to make a person stateless - though for the life of me, I can't see why that should be so.  Still - it's a start.

Beware!

I hadn't the first idea that cherry stones contained cyanide.  A man from the north-west of the country found out the hard way when he crunched up a few and ended up in hospital having, according to the hospital, consumed a potentially lethal dose of the poison.  And it's not just cherry stones it seems - the stones of apricots, peaches and some other fruits are similarly poisonous if chewed.  Why anybody would want to, mind you, is another question.

Charlie Gard

Now the poor mite has finally passed away, can I say that in my opinion,the only person to have come out of this sorry mess with any real credit is Mr Justice Francis. He alone, it seems to me, has kept his eye on the ball and consistently put the welfare of the child front and centre.  Everyone else - however much they might have believed they were acting in Charlie's interests - had their own agendas, and it was he alone who kept cutting through the crap and holding everybody's feet to the fire.  Well done Judge, and rest in peace, little one.

Are you one?

So what exactly is "transgender"?  Donald Trump has said that transgender people cannot serve in any capacity in the U.S. military, but my (perhaps imperfect) understanding is that transgender people are those who feel their physical body does not reflect their true gender.  In other words it is those who feel they are trapped in the wrong sort of body, sex-wise.  The point I make is that this is essentially a mental thing - so how are you going to identify them, if they don't wish to be identified?

Food, glorious food.

As it's the start of the six-week summer holiday, here's something I have never understood - if it is Government policy that children whose parents are in receipt of certain benefits should get a free meal every school day, then this is presumably done on the basis that these children are deemed by the Government to need the nutritional benefits of such meals, and it is accepted that, for whatever reason, their parents may not be in a position to provide it.  So what about school holidays? What about weekends?   What about other days when, for whatever reason, the school is closed?  The need, if in fact it exists, does not stop because the school is shut.  Logic suggests that either such a meal should be provided for them every day or not at all.

Read it before you sign!

As I see it, these people who are complaining about the practical effects of having purchased a leasehold property are either stupid - in which case they have only themselves to blame - or they have been badly advised, in which case they should consider suing the solicitor and estate agent who acted for them in the sale. Perhaps it was more common in my day, but leasehold is a perfectly straightforward concept - you buy the house but not the land it stands on.  As such, the house should cost less, but you will have to pay rent to the owner of the land, and your rights and responsibilities in this respect will be set out in the lease you sign with them. So, if you've read it, you will know exactly where you stand and how much you will have to shell out and what increases there might be in the future.  And if you haven't read it, then more fool you.  Of course, you might have relied on your solicitor to do that for you, and if he/she didn't make things clear, then your beef is with them. The lease can only be altered by mutual agreement, so if the original landowner sells it on to someone else, the terms remain the same.  The hard-luck stories making the news all seem to be based on the house owner not being fully aware of the terms of the lease. The question is - whose fault is that?

What's the point?

I had little time for Princess Di while she was alive, and now it's coming up to the twentieth anniversary of her untimely death, we are being bombarded with retrospectives of her life.  Princes William and Harry are queuing up to tell us stories about her and the effect her death had on them. Not sure this really helps.  Most mothers are wonderful in the eyes of their children, and I don't think the Princes telling us how wonderful their mother was really adds anything to the sum of human knowledge.  Just let her rest in peace.

I am X!

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I find it difficult to get my head round this concept of being able to choose what gender you wish to be - and now it seems you will be able to change gender by simply filling in a form!  And what the hell is "non-binary"? I think I've said before that I can just about relate to someone who feels they are a woman trapped in a man's body, or vice versa, but not knowing what you are?? Seems to me we are simply pandering to the egocentrics and narcissists who just want to feel important and have their "five minutes of fame".  "Look at me - I'm different" sort of thing.  Like I say, I come from a generation where such concepts were unknown - question is, were they there but not talked about or did they simply not exist?  I have this theory that once you put a label on something (like "non-binary") it becomes a "thing" and takes on a life of its own.  So in my day, the words did not exist and so the concepts did not exist.  And I think I preferred it that way!