Obvious really.

Concern being expressed at the fact that charges for providing care in the home to the elderly vary considerably between local authorities, with some providing such care free, and others charging up to around £20 an hour for it.  But this is just another example of the fact that there are two sides to every coin - all the major political parties are to a greater or lesser extent committed to reducing centralised control, and to more decisions being made at a local level, but if you're going down that line, you have to accept that different local authorities may well see things differently and have different priorities.  So there will inevitably be what has been termed a "post code lottery".  You can't have the penny and the bun, as my Gran was fond of saying.

Pull the other one!

I always find it satisfactory when a mask slips and you catch a glimpse of what you always suspected was hidden behind it.  My local council has always put it about that the parking charges they impose are for the necessary regulation and upkeep of the parking facilities they provide, and not a money-making exercise.  Well, recently one of the major supermarkets has opened a "superstore" in a local town centre with free parking for all, and the council is screaming blue murder because, not unnaturally, motorists are choosing to park there rather than in the council carparks.  There's talk of them taking legal action to force the supermarket to change its policy.  So then - not a money-making exercise?  Sounds of hollow laughter!

That name again

I didn't think things could get any sillier but (see my post of 20th December) the EU have apparently "relented" and said that the village of Stilton can produce the cheese for which they are famous, BUT they can't call it Stilton, so it will be marketed as Bell Blue.  What the....?  They can hardly stop them making cheese, can they, and if it can't be called Stilton, then it's not Stilton is it?  What planet are these EU bureaucrats on?

Have you got it in another colour?

Much discussion on the telly as to what your rights are when you wish to go back to the shop and exchange presents you have received. Am I alone in thinking that anyone who is even considering such a course of action should be put in the stocks and pelted with rotten fruit?  These are PRESENTS for heaven's sake - you haven't paid for them, and even if they turn out to be not what you wanted or expected, you should accept them with good grace.  What ever happened to the idea that "it's the thought that counts"?

Same difference?

I think all this fuss about companies imposing a surcharge for paying by plastic is aiming at the wrong target.  The manufacturer of an article or the provider of a service has settled on the price they need for the manufacture of that article, or the provision of that service and that is the price they will charge.  It is for the consumer to decide whether that is a price they are prepared to pay.  How that price is made up is really neither here nor there.  If companies are not allowed to factor into that price a premium for paying by plastic, they will simply adjust their tariff in some other way so that the overall total remains the same.  What the Government should be aiming their fire at is the way the public are willfully misled by the way certain things are advertised.  The price is the price and if it is a fair one, people will pay it - the problem arises when you think you are going to pay one price, only to find further down the line that the actual price is very different.  So it's not a price problem, it's an advertising problem.

Today is...

Well we've done Boxing Day and St. Stephen's Day, but what about Wren Day?  Back in medieval times, young boys would go out today to capture a wren, which they would then tie to the top of a pole and parade it round the town, singing songs and begging for money.  It was just a today thing - it was considered spectacularly unlucky to harm a wren on any other day of the year.  The origin of the custom is lost in the mists of time, but is probably connected to the pagan idea of making sacrifices to the gods at this time of year in the hope of ensuring the return of the longer, warmer days.  The tradition is still kept alive today in some parts of Ireland and Wales - thus lending credence to the suggestion that it was originally a Celtic  practice - although today a fake wren is used rather than the real thing.

A traditional family Christmas wish.

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,
The gladness of Christmas give you hope,
And the warmth of Christmas grant you love.

The Big Question.

So let's get right to it - how does Santa Claus get round all the houses to deliver the presents in one night?    Can't be done- right?  Yet it happens.  So - ideas?  Well, there's the Artemis Fowl solution - Santa Claus is actually an elf called San D'Klaus and as everybody knows, elves can stop time, so it actually takes as long as it takes, but for us humans time stops so it appears to happen in the space of one night.  Then there's the parallel universes theory - that there are an infinite number of Santas in an infinite numbers of universes, each delivering just a few presents to just a few houses - easy-peasy.  And my personal theory - Santa is a quantum entity.  Quantum theory says that if that were so, Santa would be able to be everywhere all at the same time, which again makes the apparently impossible simple.  What do you think?  Of course you could stay up tonight and try to catch him at it - but then, as we all know, if you don't go to sleep, he won't come!

Christmas trivia.

As has been mentioned in previous years, whatever was the date of Jesus's birth, it almost certainly was not December 25th.  So why do we celebrate it then?  It's all part of a cunning plan by the early Christian church not to alienate people by imposing new ideas on them, but instead to integrate Christian concepts into existing activities.  The point where the days start getting longer again had always traditionally been marked with feasting, prayers and sacrifices to the gods, and the early Christian church simply took this over and gradually associated it with the birth of Jesus.  The Romans called this time Saturnalia, and the Germanic peoples gave it the name Yule.  But whereas Saturnalia has more or less disappeared from public consciousness, Yule has stuck and we still refer to Yuletide, and Yule logs and the like.

Music Man

Best Christmas song?  Guaranteed to cause dissension.  My view is that the criteria should be that the song can stand independent of its original performer.  Which I'm afraid rules out songs like "Last Christmas" (great song, but can you imagine it being done by anybody other than Wham, or at the very least in the style of Wham?).  Same goes for "I wish it could be Christmas every day", "Merry Christmas everybody" and such like.  So we're thrown back on the "standards", and for what it's worth, here in the traditional reverse order, are my top five.  At number five "Winter wonderland", at four "Let it snow", number three "Have yourself a merry little Christmas", the runner-up "The Christmas song" and the winner - what else could it be but "White Christmas".

Been there, seen it, done it...

There's a story that scientists in China are working on a cotton fabric which will clean itself.  Perhaps they should be sent a copy of the 1950's film "The Man in the White Suit".

What's in a name - again.

I've commented before on what I see as the essential silliness of these EU rulings saying that a product can only be called by a certain geographical name if in fact it comes from that particular place - Melton Mowbray pork pie being a case in point.  But how about this - a recent ruling means that Stilton cheese can now only be called such if it is made in Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire or Leicestershire.  So??  Well the village of Stilton, where the cheese originated, is in Cambridgeshire, which means that cheese made in Stilton cannot be called Stilton!  How absurd - and just to compound the absurdity, you can have Stilton cheese made in Melton Mowbray, 'cause that's in Leicestershire!

Ha ha

Topical joke - courtesy of my daily paper -
A Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church.
The priest comes up and says "I'm sorry, my son, we don't allow your sort in here"
 "But you must let me in" says the Higgs Boson "How else are you going to have Mass?"

Ha ha

Seasonal joke -
Good King Wenceslas fancied a pizza, so he rang up his local Domino's
"Certainly, your Majesty" said the assistant, "What sort of pizza would you like?"
"Oh just my usual" said Wenceslas, "Deep pan, crisp and even".

Give 'em what they want, and they will come?

So the Government has finally woken up to the fact that town centres are failing - and have been failing for years - as places to go to shop.  They have commissioned a report to come up with ideas as to how this can be rectified.  I think in many cases we are too far down the road to have any realistic chance of turning back, but here's an idea - replace local business rates with a local business tax based upon turnover.  This would give local councils a vested interest in seeing that local businesses prosper.  At present, they get the business rate irrespective of how well or badly the business is doing.  It might make them think more about their responsibility to provide things like adequate parking facilities at reasonable charges - the lack of which in my opinion is one of the major factors in people not going into town to shop.

You what??!

Pace President Obama, if Iraq is a "stable" state, I'd hate to see an unstable one!

The phoenix rises?

So it now seems probable that the News of the World did not in fact delete voice mail messages from Milly Dowler's mobile 'phone after all.  As it was this allegation, more than any other, that so disgusted the general population that the Murdochs felt they had no alternative but to close the paper down, where does that now leave things?  It doesn't alter the fact that they did hack into her 'phone, as they did into many other peoples', but this sort of behaviour is now being seen as no more than common practice among the red tops - however abhorrent it may be.  If I were Rupert Murdoch, I think I would at least be mulling over the possibility of resurrecting the paper, in view of these latest revelations.

Stock up on the bamboo.

Is the giant panda the modern equivalent of the white elephant?  Like the historical white elephant which the Kings of Siam were wont to give to someone they wished to ruin, the panda is useless, cannot be got rid of, and costs a fortune to maintain.  I'm sure Edinburgh Zoo has it's reasons, but I can't see it myself.

Turn your papers over now...

What's all this fuss about teachers knowing what questions are going to come up in the exams?  Perhaps it's a bit more blatant and more motivated by league tables and such these days, but surely it was ever so?  When you're teaching a wide-ranging subject like history, for example, you absolutely have to know which areas are going to crop up in the exam.  I remember for "O" level history, we studied, among other things, Italian unification (Garibaldi and all that) and that's such an esoteric little area of the overall syllabus that it was clear that our history teacher must have known that there would be a question on that.  I've commented before on the way students these days are taught to pass the exam rather than taught the subject, and I'm not in favour of that, but teachers have always been aware of the particular areas which would be tested.

Cod and two penn'orth, please

I've no connection with Yorkshire, but say "fish and chips" and the name that pops automatically into my mind is Harry Ramsden.  So it was a bit of a shock to find that the original shop of that name in Leeds is to close as no longer being economically viable.  Mind you, fish and chips is no longer the cheap meal it used to be - these days basic fish and chips is around a fiver.  Which puts it in direct competition with McDonalds, KFC and the like.  So it's as yummy as ever, but for me just an occasional treat now and then I'm afraid.

Morris dancers and a few sparklers?

Do you watch - or care about - the opening ceremony at the Olympic games?  Apparently the budget for the opening ceremony at next year's games in London has been doubled, and many people - myself included - are questioning whether this is a sensible and proper use of money.  The Olympics after all is a sporting event and not just an excuse for the host city to show off.  Unfortunately, that's what has tended to happen, with each host city trying to outdo the previous one, and the hope was that - particularly in the present economic climate - London would buck the trend, and put on a more low-key show.  And can there be anything more boring than the parade of athletes, which goes on forever and is the best cure for insomnia ever invented?  There's no way we could outdo Beijing, so why bother to try?

Snap - the real deal.

So what is the Prisoner's Dilemma?  It goes like this - you and an accomplice have committed a serious offence.  You have both been arrested, and are being held in separate police stations, with no way of contacting each other.  You are approached by a detective who has a proposition for you, and who makes it clear that the same proposition is being put to your accomplice.  The proposition is this - if you are willing to confess and give evidence against your accomplice, you will go free and your accomplice, thanks to your evidence, will be convicted of the full offence, and will go to prison for 15 years.  If you both confess, you will both go on trial for the full offence, but consideration will be given to the fact that you have confessed, and you will both get a reduced sentence of 5 years.  If neither of you confess, there will not be enough evidence to put you on trial for the full offence, so you will both be charged with a lesser offence for which the authorities have ample evidence against you and you will go to prison for one year.  What should you do?  You will see the similarity with the card game - the "safe" option for you is to confess - that way the worst that can happen is you go away for 5 years, and there's always the possibility you will go free.  On the other hand, if you both refuse to confess, that is the best option for both of you, as you both end up with just a year inside, but can you trust your accomplice?  If you refuse to confess, and he (or she)  confesses, you end up with 15 years in the slammer!

Sexist? - not really.

The BBC are being roundly condemned for the fact that the short list for the Sports Personality of the Year contains no women.  Bit unfair really, as the make-up of the short list was not compiled by the BBC, but by an independent panel of sports writers.  But why no women?  Well, I think in great part it is for the same reason that League 2 football matches do not get the same attendance figures as the Premiership - when it comes to sports, people want to see the best, and with the greatest respect to women, as most sports contain a significant physical element, women are always going to be outclassed by men.  I have mentioned before how surprising I find it that women do not feature more in non-physical competitions like snooker, darts, ten-pin bowling and the like but with the possible exception of gymnastics, when it comes to watching sport, I will choose a male competition over a female one just about every time.  This isn't anti-women, it's just pro-top class sport.

Snap - continued.

Well the obvious strategy is to play red - that way you are guaranteed to win £1 every hand, and you could win £10.  Problem is of course that your opponent is equally capable of working that out and so the likelihood is that you will both play red every time - boring.  Of course, if you both play black you could triple your winnings, and this is where it becomes interesting.  After five hands you are allowed to talk to each other, and you could both agree to play black.  But now the question is - can you trust your opponent, and equally can they trust you?  Because if you know, or think you know that your opponent is going to play black, you can play red and potentially win £10.  This is in fact a variation on what is known as "The Prisoner's Dilemma" - a situation where co-operation is more beneficial, but leaves you open to treachery.  There's no right answer - it's just an interesting conundrum.

Snap?

Here's a simple card game for two players - you each have two cards, one red, one black.  You choose which card you intend to play, and put the other card away from you face down on the table.  You then each show the card you have elected to play.  If you both show red cards, you each win £1.  If one of you shows a red card and the other a black, the one who shows the red card wins £10 and the one who shows black wins nothing.  If you both show black cards, you both win £3.  The money comes from some philanthropic third party, so neither of you loses anything.  The game can only be played ten times, and you are not allowed to speak to each other until five hands have been played.  What should be your strategy?

The Lazy Cook

Poor man's kedgeree
Tinned kippers
2 eggs
Packet microwaveable rice
Teaspoon curry powder (optional)
Melt a knob of butter in a frying pan or wok.  Mash up the kippers and add to the pan.  Add the rice and (optional) curry powder and fry for a couple of minutes.  Beat up the eggs with a drop of milk and add to the pan, stirring continuously to scramble.  Serve on its own or on toast.

Rien ne va plus

Suggestion that schoolchildren should be taught how to "gamble responsibly" - very good idea, although I can't see it sitting comfortably with the churches or Daily Mail readers.  One aspect of betting which can confuse even those experienced in the art is our use in this country of "fractional" odds rather than the method favoured in most of the rest of the world of "decimal" odds.  Decimal odds are quoted to show you how much you will get back if your bet wins.  So if team A are quoted at 2.4 to beat team B and you put £1 on them to win and they do, you will get £2.40 back - a profit of £1.40.  So it's easy enough to compare bets and see which has the potential to win you the most, but which will win you more - a bet quoted at 7/4 or one quoted at 6/5?  To convert fractional odds into decimal, simply divide the first figure by the second and add one.  So 7/4 becomes 7 divided by 4 which is 1.75 and add 1 to make it 2.75, and 6/5 becomes 6 divided by 5 which is 1.2 which with one added is 2.2, so the 7/4 shot will win you more - assuming of course that you do win.  Mind you, whether the odds you are being quoted are value for money is another matter altogether.

Push the button, Max.

So what do you think?  The Schools' Minister is proposing to limit the use of calculators in primary schools.  He says that it is important that kids are able to solve simple sums without resorting to an electronic gadget.  We certainly seem to have stopped teaching the "times tables" which underpin so much of mathematics.  On the other hand, I find myself automatically reaching for my little machine when I have to do a calculation, even though I am well capable of working it out for myself - if the facility exists to make life easier, why not use it?  So what do you think?

Ha ha

I had amnesia once - - or was it twice?

Upsy-daisy

I don't know why, but recently the question has resurfaced as to whether it is treason to stick a postage stamp on an envelope upside down - well, it's not.  I think the idea probably originated because way back the basic common law definition of treason was simply disloyalty to the Crown, and if they'd had postage stamps back then probably affixing one upside down might well have been seen as an expression of disloyalty.  Today treason is a statutory offence and there's no mention of postage stamps, and unlike some other countries we do not have an offence of lèse majesté which essentially means offending the dignity of the Monarch.  In America the tradition has arisen of using the positioning of the stamp as a means of sending a message - as I understand it, upside down means "I love you".

Fair do's

Having re-read my last two posts, I have to accept that I seem to be having a go at Vettel - damning him with faint praise over his championship and taking the gloss off his new record of the number of pole positions in a season.  And that would be really unfair because he can only drive the race that's put before him - if he finds himself (as he so often did) on pole in the fastest car and therefore able to simply drive away from the opposition, that's simply the way things are.  I just wish I could feel more confident that he could cut the mustard if the chips were really down (and how's that for a mixed metaphor?).  And until McLaren or Ferrari or whoever come up with a competitive car I'm never going to know, am I?