Names, names...

You may recall us talking about whether Camilla would become Queen if and when Charles ascends to the throne, and now the question has arisen again in a slightly different form.  When Harry and she marry, will Thingy become a princess?  Well yes, because she will be the wife of a prince, but it is unlikely she will be referred to as such.  The title Princess tends to be reserved for daughters of members of the Royal Family.  Harry will almost certainly be designated the Duke of somewhere or other and Thingy will become, and be referred to, as the Duchess thereof.

Roll on next summer

So, here we go again - Harry and Thingy (see 28th September, but I think I'm going to adopt that as my pet name for her) have got engaged.  Best wishes to them both, but once again, as with William and Kate, I wish I could fast forward until all the mush is over.  And that reminds me - we've got Will's and Kate's baby to cope with as well - anybody got a desert island available?

Continued...

Strewth - I know technology is forever moving on, but perhaps I didn't realise how fast this is happening.  I ran yesterday's post past the grandchildren and only one out of the five of them "got it".  So... in the days before digital cameras - and particularly mobile 'phones with cameras - if you wanted to take a photograph you used an old-fashioned camera which took a physical roll of film, and when you'd used up the roll, you would take it to the chemist and pay a fee to have it developed and prints made of the photos on it.  In reality, the chemist would probably send it on to a specialist firm to have this done.  And as these firms would be handling large quantities of these rolls of film it was not unknown for some to get delayed in the process or even go missing entirely.  So you might well find yourself saying "some day my prints will come" - geddit??

Music man - ha ha.

The title to yesterday's post is a song from Walt Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".  In my youth it tended to be referred to as "The photographer's lament".

Someday my prince will come...

...and maybe be arrested!  It would rather spoil the story wouldn't it, but it has been suggested that, as the Sleeping Beauty princess had not consented to being kissed, it amounted to a sexual assault.  Of course, as she was in an enchanted coma, she couldn't consent, could she?  But that doesn't seem to matter any more.  Lack of consent is no consent.  I don't know whether the person who raised this issue was serious, or was seeking to point out the possible absurdity which could arise from the law as it is currently understood, but it's a valid point for discussion.

Ha ha

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Wot - no Christmas booze?

A parliamentary committee has suggested that you should think twice before buying a bottle for your grandparents for Christmas.  As a grandparent who relies on Christmas, Fathers' Day and my birthday to replenish my stocks of the good stuff, I take a very dim view of this.  I have produced a family report pointing out all the advantages of keeping grandad happy and mellow.  I think they get the picture.

All plain sailing now?

So has Zimbabwe seen the end of the Mugabes?  Personally, I wouldn't bet on it!

It is your destiny...

So Nibiru has failed to deliver again??  Never mind - it's just a matter of time before someone decides that the calculations were wrong and comes up with yet another date for doomsday.  As Private Frazer was wont to say "We're doomed!" - it's just a matter of when.

It's private, mate!

I've meant to post about this before but somehow never got round to it.  It seems the DVLA make a significant amount of money from selling details of who owns what car to non-governmental organisations - mainly local authorities chasing council tax arrears, and companies running car-parks seeking  to recover fines.  So why is this bad?  Because this is information which the DVLA collected under statutory authority.  When you buy a car you are legally bound to inform the Authority of this fact, giving full details of who you are, how old you are, where you live, and so on.  Now if you give this type of information to someone voluntarily - say in order to get a store-card for example - then you have to accept that it may be sold on to somebody else. and if you don't like the idea of that happening, then the answer is to not give it (and do without the store-card or whatever).  But like I say, when it comes to owning a car, you have no choice.  And it seems to me - that being so - that the quid pro quo should be that your information should remain within government and not be divulged to anyone outside.  I fear I am ploughing a lone furrow, but that's how I see it.

Christmas lexicon

According to the National Trust, we should no longer talk about Santa Claus.  Father Christmas, they reckon, is "more British".  Mind you, an Irish Catholic priest has gone one better by suggesting that we should stop using the word Christmas at all, as it "no longer has any sacred meaning" and has been hijacked by "Santa and reindeer".  Remember when Birmingham came up with the idea of Winterval?  Perhaps not so daft after all.

What's the story?

What do we make of this business about Damian Green's computer?  Long story short - ten or so years ago the police were investigating  information which was allegedly being "leaked" from the Home Office.  Green - then shadow immigration minister - was arrested as part of this investigation and documents and computers were seized.  In the event, no charges were brought against Green, but the police are now saying that back then pornography was found on his computer.  It matters now because he is currently the de facto Deputy Prime Minister.  The important words in the police's statement to my mind are "on his".  "On" first of all - from what I read there is no suggestion that pornographic images were found on the hard disk, but rather that the browsing history showed that the computer had been used to access pornographic sites.  Which brings us to "his".  To what extent was it his computer - how many other people had access to it?  I've not seen the answer to that question, or even any indication that it has been asked.  So is this all froth and bubble and no substance?

So much for modern technology...

Since doing away with the paper tax disc and replacing it with an online system, the number of untaxed cars on the road has tripled. and the cost to the Treasury is some ten times as much as the new system was supposed to save.  

Hic the noo!

Supermarkets and off-licences near the Scottish border are busy stocking up on beers and wines in anticipation of an upsurge in sales.  Why??  Well, the Supreme Court has given the Scottish Government the go-ahead to impose a minimum price per unit on the sale of alcohol, and this will mean that booze in Scotland will become more expensive to buy than in the rest of the UK.  So if you live close to the English border it may well be worth while taking the car across and loading up over there.  Booze-cruise v2.0?

Greggs - flaky, and not just the pastry!

You do sometimes wonder about people's sanity, don't you?  Who on earth would think it appropriate to replace the baby Jesus in a nativity scene with a sausage roll?  And yet, that is what has happened on Gregg's advent calendar.  Now, an advent calendar doesn't just suddenly appear out of the blue - it must have been in preparation for weeks, months probably, and must have been seen and checked by many people.  So this was not simply a mental aberration by one person - more a case of corporate stupidity.  And as has been pointed out, the basic sacrilege is compounded by the fact that it is a sausage roll - pork, which is an unclean meat for Jews.

And today is...

Has Google out-doodled itself?  What used to be an occasional bit of fun or interest has become, for me at least, somewhat of a bore.  The problem is that there are really only a relatively few occasions and anniversaries worth recording but Google now seem to be intent on finding something to do a doodle about every day.  And in order to do so, they have to stretch the anniversary concept to ridiculous limits.  Yesterday, for example, they chose to mark the 131st anniversary of the invention of the hole punch,  Now you can argue whether the invention of the hole punch was significant enough to warrant marking, but the 131st anniversary??

Gradable adverbs

You what??!  These are words like "very", "quite" and "rather" which grade (that is, accentuate or diminish)  some other word. So "very bad" (worse than just bad) or "quite entertaining" (could be more entertaining) and so on.  A professor at Lancaster University has suggested that the use of such words is becoming less common, and wonders if this is an indication that we (Brits) are becoming less deferential and more assertive.  I hope not - it's our tendency towards over-politeness and under-statement that sets us apart from our brash cousins over the pond, and long may it continue to do so.

Brexit

Anybody else feel like sticking up two fingers to the EU and simply walking away?

Words

One of those things which is so obvious once you really look at it - the word "bootlegging" refers to the practice of secreting bottles of illicit booze in the wide tops of "cowboy" style boots in the US prohibition era.  Liquor was also brought in by boat - mainly from the Caribbean- and this gave rise to the expression "rum-running".

We will remember them

Here's the full poem - see October 28th

In Flanders fields the poppies grow

Between the crosses, row and row

That mark our place.  And in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead.  Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe,

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch.  Be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep - though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

R.I.P.

Normally my posts under this head are factual accounts of people who have passed on, but every now and again I am filled with sadness when I have to write one.  This is one of those times - Antonio Carluccio.  Never knew him, but felt as though I did.  Always a pleasure to see him on the TV and we were the same age which somehow makes it all the more personal.  I'm sure if I had known him, we would have been friends.  Addio Antonio.

So, who won then?

Funny story about a woman from a little Cambridgeshire village who baked a Victoria sponge and entered it into the village cake competition.  She was chuffed when she found out she had won second prize.  But not so chuffed and rather confused when she discovered she was the only entrant!

The Lazy Cook

Pared-down pad thai

You will need -

• Packet of rice noodles
• Chunky peanut butter - about two tablespoons
• Crushed garlic (in a jar from the supermarket)
• Crushed ginger (ditto)
• Dark soy sauce
• 2 eggs

Cook the noodles in accordance with the instructions on the packet and put on one side.  Add a slurp of cooking oil in a wok and add the peanut butter, garlic, ginger and soy sauce.  Heat gently until peanut butter had liquefied.  Turn up the heat.  Whisk the eggs, season, and add to wok together with the noodles.  Stir until eggs have scrambled.

'Taint fair!

Oh Gawd - here we go again.  Tax avoidance is perfectly legal - you can argue about the morality of it, but it is not illegal, and is only possible because of the hopelessly convoluted complexity of our tax laws which wittingly or unwittingly create loopholes for clever accountants to take advantage of.  The so-called Paradise Papers are simply a reflection of this.  So what's all the fuss about?  As I see it, it is simply a matter of reverse snobbishness - these posh people can afford to employ tax advisers to sort out these clever schemes for them, whereas I have to pay all my taxes and live in poverty on bread and gruel, sort of thing.  So the answer is to sort out the tax laws, not to demonise those who legally take advantage of them.

Round and round...

If you had a fireworks party last night, did you have any Catherine wheels?  And if so, did you wonder why they are called Catherine wheels?  Well they are named after Saint Catherine of Alexandria, who was an early Christian martyr who was condemned to death by being "broken on the wheel" which involved being strapped to a wagon wheel and then having all your bones broken by beating.  The story goes that before the beating could start, the wheel miraculously broke apart.  Didn't do poor Catherine much good, mind you, as she was subsequently beheaded.

Mistress of the mystery.

With the upcoming remake of "Murder On The Orient Express" about to hit the screens, the worth - or otherwise - of Agatha Christie as a writer has come to the fore once again.  She never claimed to be a great author, or to be writing "literature" but by God she was a great story-teller and a most accomplished plotter.  And for me. that is enough to fix her place in the pantheon of the great writers
.

Westminster scandal?

I'm getting very perturbed by the way MP's, and other's, lives are being picked apart by the media based mainly, as far as one can see, on rumour. point scoring and blatant opportunism.  The cry you keep hearing is that there is no independent body to whom people who claim to have been improperly assaulted can go and complain.  Yes there is. it's called the Police! Perhaps the question is - why haven't they used it?

It's all too thrilling!

I'm sick with excitement trying to decide what I'm going to do with the extra one quarter of one per cent interest I'm going to get on my savings- assuming, that is, that the banks pass it on.  Ooh, I'm all of a quiver!  That's sarcasm by the way.

GBBO

So, how did it work?  The Great British Bake Off moving from BBC to Channel 4 and replacing 75% of its presenters?  Well, pretty well really.  I've never been a huge fan, but have grown used to it over the years, and because they maintained the basic structure and only the faces changed, the transition was much smoother than I expected.  But just one quibble - and it's a big one.  Maybe because of the commercial breaks, it now runs for 1 hour and 15 minutes, which means it doesn't finish until 9.15.  And that really throws my evening viewing, because most channels schedule their stuff on the hour, which means I either have to cut Bake Off short, or miss the beginning of whatever programme I want to watch next.  Please Channel 4 - I would much rather you scheduled it for 7.45 to 9.00 - there's usually a fair bit of faff at the beginning which I could easily skip.  Just a thought?

How many??

Anyone who has gone to University will be familiar with (and probably cringe at) the word "thesis". They will understand it to mean a lengthy document discussing, or perhaps arguing for or against a certain proposition - time consuming and hard work.  So I could never really understand the story of Martin Luther nailing his "ninety-five theses" to the door of that church in Wittenberg in 1517.  Must have had a really long nail, I thought.  But of course the answer is that a thesis doesn't have to be long - it may simply be a short statement, as were Luther's.  In fact I think history suggests that he got the whole thing on one side of one sheet of paper, and it was this he nailed to the door.