For Heaven's sake....

So because the Greeks are playing silly buggers, my hard-earned savings are losing money.  Aarrgh!!!

Welcome to the real world.

Somebody called Jack Monroe - who despite the name is a woman - and about whom I know nothing, is apparently on record on the BBC as saying that "I don't think anyone is incentivised to get up the duff so they'll get benefits..."  Really?  Where the hell does she live?  Certainly not round my neck of the woods.  To paraphrase the song - let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of... well take your pick of any of the local towns and cities, and I will show you - well, you get the idea.

Good grief !

Did you read "Swallows and Amazons" as a kid?  I did and one of the main characters - a girl - is called Titty. The BBC intend to screen a new adaptation of the book, but feeling that there might be some people who would be offended by the name Titty, have decided to rename the character Tatty. The book dates back to 1930 and so has managed to survive eighty five years without the need for change.  Is this the BBC being overly cautious again - see last Thursday's  post.

Brmm, brmm...

Is Formula One dying?  Rumour has it that the drivers are unhappy, the teams are unhappy and the spectators are unhappy.  The sport (if that's what it is any more) is regulated to death.  For many years it hasn't been a competition for drivers, but for cars, or more accurately for designers.  You only have to look at Fernando Alonso and Jenson Button languishing at the back of the field to see what's wrong.  Two top class drivers without a hope - not just of winning, but even of scoring any points. And at the other end of the scale, you could stick just about any of the drivers in a Mercedes and they'd be there or thereabouts.  What to do?  Well, allow mid-season development for a start, allow teams to make their own choice of tyre supplier, and maybe decide the makeup of the starting grid by lot.  But unless something is done, people are going to start voting with their feet - in fact some of them are already doing so it seems.

R.I.P.

Patrick Macnee - John Steed in The Avengers.  Was there ever a more gentlemanly English gentleman?

Oo-er!

There's a perfectly respectable gardening term called "bastard trenching".  Also known as double digging. Alan Titchmarsh referred to it on BBC's Breakfast programme the other day.  So what's the story? Well following him using this term, Louise Minchin, one of the presenters, and apparently under instruction from "up above" apologised to viewers for "some of the language" that had been used.  So is "bastard" bad language?  Are there really people likely to be upset if they hear the word? Well, Mary Whitehouse would probably have been outraged, but then she went out of her way to be outraged and hardly spoke for the common man or woman. What makes this story even more silly is that put "bastard trenching" into your search engine, and the top site that comes up is - wait for it - the BBC's own gardening site!  Complete over-reaction I feel.

Dearly beloved...

So getting a divorce will soon be as easy as "applying for a television licence", as one paper put it. The idea is that the paperwork will all be handled administratively and the whole thing simply rubber-stamped by a district judge.  This is in fact no more than a continuation of what has been going on for years - with the courts taking less and less of a part in the process.  So does this, as opponents maintain, devalue marriage? Yes, of course it does, but it is simply reflecting reality - it is not responsible for the devaluation of marriage, simply adapting to deal with it.  The idea of marriage as a sacred bond which two people undertake for better, for worse and all that jazz has long since gone.  Shame, but there it is.  So there is no longer any reason for making divorce any more than a matter of signing a form.  Of course children and money may need more sorting out, but the actual cutting of the knot is really now accepted a nobody's business but that of the couple involved.

Come again?

Well Birmingham may not be the second city (see 28th May) but it seems it is set to be the country's sperm capital.  The National Sperm Bank is there, and the city's ethnic mix apparently makes it an ideal centre. As a local historian put it - it's nice to know we're still manufacturing something, albeit something different from buttons and buckles.

Bist Du allein?

Another of those awkward "granddad" questions - why when all the other European languages have separate words for you (singular) and you (plural) do we not?  Well the answer is that we used to - the singular "you" used to be thou, but now, apart from some local dialects, that's really only used to address God.  You, which has always been the plural is now used for both, which is why we say "you are" (plural) even when addressing just one person.

The silence is deafening...

The Prime Minister has been criticised for suggesting that Islamic extremism is "quietly condoned" by some British Muslims.  Well I'm sure he's in possession of better information than I, but certainly I find it strange that there are not more Muslim voices raised in anger at what is being done in the name of their religion. And it is down to them - those considering extremism are not going to listen to us.  We're kafirs (I think that's the correct expression) - we are not worthy of being listened to, our views are of no consequence.  The only people they might be prepared to listen to are other Muslims, so it's essential that they speak up, and the fact that they are not doing so does I'm afraid make you wonder if it's because deep down they have some sympathy with the extremist philosophy.  And that, I think is what the PM was getting at.

Music Man

We are celebrating the final defeat of Napoleon at the battle of Waterloo in 1815, but the Russians will argue that the beginning of the end for Napoleon was three years earlier, when he led his army into Russia. Realising that if they engaged in pitched battle they would be annihilated, the Russians embarked on a strategy of "scorched earth", pulling back and as they did so destroying crops and anything else which might be of use to the invaders.  So Napoleon's supply lines became more and more stretched, and this, coupled with the severity of the Russian winter eventually forced Napoleon and his army to retreat back to France. And this victory is remembered musically in Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" - one of his most popular pieces.

Is the red flag still flying?

I think the main problem with the current contest for the leadership of the Labour party is that there seems to be no agreement over just what the party stands for - or should stand for - in the twenty-first century.  The party was the product of the first half of the twentieth century - but that time is gone, and to a great extent the party's raison d'être has gone with it.  Whatever you think of Tony Blair, he realised this and appreciated that the future lay with a new vision and a new set of values. So why does the party now hold the man who led them to three election victories in such low regard?  The expression "blairite" is used to denigrate anyone who dares to stray from the old ideals.  And herein lies their problem - they may have had three victories, but as far as many party members are concerned, they weren't really labour victories. So the party needs to decide - what does it want - electoral success or adherence to the ideals on which the party was founded - ideals which in great part have had their time?  And that's what's really going on as they seek a new leader - pragmatism or idealism? It will be interesting to see how it works out.

Step in the right direction?

An Academy school in Stoke-on-Trent have plans to create a car-park for the use of parents when dropping off or picking up children.  They intend to charge £15 a term (£45 a year) for the privilege. Many parents consider that they shouldn't have to pay, but the school have to cover their costs (which apart from the cost of construction and maintenance, includes the cost of employing a warden to keep an eye on things) somehow, and are not allowed to use their school budget for this purpose.  But putting aside the question of money, how refreshing to see a school at last taking some responsibility for the traffic it attracts.  See my post of 26/10/07.

Good news story...

...chocolate, in moderation, is actually good for you!  Or so a study in the reputable health magazine Heart says.  It found that eating up to 100g of chocolate a day can reduce the likelihood of heart disease or strokes.  And it doesn't matter what sort of chocolate it seems - dark or milk or in a drink, makes no difference.  So, indulge yourself while you can - it's only a matter of time before someone comes up with a contrary study showing that chocolate causes beri-beri or makes your legs fall off or some such.  Make the most of it!

An exam too far?

The question has been raised as to whether GCSEs have any relevance any more. Their purpose was twofold - firstly as an end-of-school assessment for the benefit of prospective employers in respect of those leaving at 16, and secondly as a help to the school in classifying those progressing to sixth form.  But now pupils have to stay on at school until 18, what's the point?  Of course I'm sure schools would still want to carry out internal tests to evaluate how pupils are doing but abandoning formal external exams would surely save a lot of money.

Have you got a minute to talk about...

Good to see that the government are looking into the way charities raise cash from the public.  I had occasion to comment some five years ago about the aggressive attitude of some charities, and things have only got worse.  The recent suspected suicide of a 92-year-old lady who had been bombarded with letters and telephone calls asking for money has perhaps brought matters to a head - and not before time. Of course the irony is that as far as charities as a whole are concerned these tactics are self-defeating - you are less likely to make a charitable donation if you think that this will result in being pestered for more.  As far as individual charities are concerned on the other hand they see themselves as in competition with other good causes to get the biggest share of what is a relatively small cake.  To what extent legislation or regulation can provide an answer is debatable but at least the problem is now out in the open and perhaps the more reputable charities will seek to put their own houses in order.

Computer says...

Really good one-day cricket match against New Zealand was spoiled by having to come off and lose the best part of an hour due to rain.  But in my view was spoiled even more by a recalculation under the incomprehensible Duckworth/Lewis rules. When they went off, England needed 54 runs from 37 balls - that's an average of just under 1.5 runs per ball - the recalculated total was 34 runs from 13 balls - an average of just over 2.5 runs per ball.  Can anyone explain the sense in that?   A difficult but achievable target turns into a well-nigh impossible one.  I think Messrs Duckworth and Lewis need to explain themselves.

Book Post

(see post of 18/11/06)

John Connolly - The Burning Soul - 7
Michael Connelly - The Gods of Guilt - 7
David Baldacci - The Forgotten - 8
James Carol - Broken Dolls - 8
Dan Brown - Inferno - 7
S J Parris - Sacrilege - 7.5
Gillian Flynn - Gone Girl - 6.5
Val McDermid - The Last Temptation - 7
Mark Billingham - From The Dead - 6 
Lee Child - Personal - 7

R.I.P.

Christopher Lee.  (Said in the voice of Comic Book Man) - Best.  Dracula.  Ever.

Teacher knows best!!

One of the recurring topics which crop up in these pages is that of schools seeking to over-ride parental wishes.  The legality of this is dubious - particularly when it concerns matters which are not strictly to do with teaching and lessons.  A primary school in Colchester has taken it upon itself to inspect children's lunch boxes and confiscate any food it considers "unhealthy".  Scotch eggs and peperami snacks have fallen foul of this approach - and this despite the fact that the school's own dinner menus include sausages, chips and cookies.  Of course, they can't hang on to or destroy the food they confiscate - it has to be sent back to the parents at the end of the day with a note explaining what has happened.  And here of course is the absurdity of the whole situation - the scotch egg or whatever that the child was not allowed to have for their lunch they will almost certainly have at home for their tea!  

You can't do that there 'ere (boyo)!

Apparently Wales are to ban e-cigarettes anywhere where smoking is not allowed - specifically in enclosed public spaces.  I assume they have the devolved authority to do this, but as there are no official border crossings between England and Wales can't help feeling this is going to cause problems with train or car journeys between the two countries - one minute you can smoke - or vape - and a few yards further on, it becomes illegal.  Surely this would have been better handled by some consultation and an agreed approach between them and us - or is this just Wales being bolshy for bolshy's sake?

Ha ha

Cats are smarter than dogs - you wouldn't catch eight cats pulling a sledge through two feet of snow!

A smart idea.

Talk about advance planning!  The Japanese government has announced it will install toilets and water supplies in its lifts.  As a country which is regularly hit by earthquakes, the probability that people will be stuck in lifts, maybe for hours following a quake is high, and their needs have to be addressed.  Ten out of ten.

How much !!?

I'm sure most of you have already seen this story, but it bears repeating.  Due to a mix-up, a man had a flight booked with Ryanair in a name not his own.  Ryanair told him that they could put matters right, but they would levy their standard charge of £220 (£110 each way) to do so.  As this would pretty well double the cost of his ticket, he looked at other possibilities and found that it would only cost him £103 to change his name by deed-poll to the name his flight was booked under, and then to get a new passport in that name - so that's what he did.  Not sure what we should make of this - clever lateral thinking by the man, or unjustifiable overcharging by the airline?  Or perhaps - buy cheap and you get cheap??

And the answer is...

...Johnny!  For anyone who doesn't get it (and I confess I didn't see it first time) read the riddle again, paying particular attention to the first line.  A nice example of misdirection.

Quick riddle

Johnny's mother had three children.

The first child was named April.

The second child was named May. 

What was the third child's name?

Answer tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sure they just forgot!

Giving away free petrol in Devon and Cornwall it seems.  Not exactly, but the local police force has said that it will no longer treat driving away without paying for your petrol as a crime unless there is "obvious proof of criminal intent".  Difficult to see how more obvious you could be than filling up and then driving off without paying! Of course the real reason is that they haven't got the manpower to cope and so they have to prioritise.  They would say that the petrol station owner has recourse to the civil courts to get his money back but that's an expensive business with no guarantee of success. So like I say - free petrol!

It's been nearly 75 years...

I mentioned HMT Lancastria back in 2007.  It was a troop ship used in the evacuation of Dunkirk, and was attacked and sunk by German bombers shortly after leaving St Nazaire harbour on 17th June 1940. Although it had an official capacity of some 2,200, it was packed to the gunnels with soldiers and civilians and nobody really knows how many were on board - estimates vary from 4,000 to 9,000.  We do know that there were only 2,447 survivors.  Not surprisingly, given the situation at the time, as a matter of public morale, the news of the sinking was suppressed in this country, but for whatever reason (maybe just apathy) the papers concerning the disaster have still not been made public.  Now Joanna Lumley is fronting a campaign to have the official documents about the sinking released.  Can't see any reason not to and the longer it takes, the more there will be a suspicion of some sort of a cover-up.

R.I.P.

Charles Kennedy - why do we always wait until somebody dies to say thank you?  I will always be eternally grateful for the way he articulated what I, and I imagine many, many more of you felt about the decision to go to war in Iraq.  We can ill afford to lose people like him.

Hold yourself up straight!

With the anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo fast approaching, people are talking about Napoleon, and the question of how tall he was has raised its head again.  Well he was no giant, but equally he was no titch.  The confusion has arisen because back then a person's height was measured in inches, both here and in France - BUT French inches were slightly longer than English ones, so although Napoleon's height was officially given as 62 inches this did not equate to an English 5'2" but more like 5'6" or 7" which would have been a more or less average height for the time.  It suited British propaganda to portray him as short, and certainly he has given his name to the "Napoleon complex" whereby small men often compensate for their shortage of stature by being unduly aggressive and competitive.  It is also said that the fact that he was most often seen in public in the company of his Imperial Guard, who were undoubtedly big tall men would have added to the perception that he was short.  But he wasn't, particularly.