Compare and contrast.

Interesting that the CPS have decided to charge a policeman over an incident at the G20 summit where he appears to have hit a woman protester on the legs with his baton, and yet no action has as yet been taken over the newsvendor who was pushed to the ground and later died. I would have thought the second incident far more serious than the first, not simply because of the tragic consequences, but because the newsvendor appeared to be minding his own business, whereas the woman quite clearly was intent on confronting the police and doubtless hoped to elicit some sort of reaction. It seems to me that it could be said that she got what she asked for, whereas the newvendor got pushed to the ground for no apparent reason other than that perhaps he was seen as in the way.

Metal detector, anyone?

I live pretty close to where this hoard of Saxon gold was discovered. Nice to see this part of the world get some attention for a change. In general we get pretty short shrift - our accent is seen as lower class, we are all perceived to work in grubby factories and live in back-to-backs. And even in the Dark Ages, Mercia was generally considered to be somewhat uncivilised compared with Wessex, Essex, Northumbria and the rest. So let's hear it for the Midlands for a change!

Indian summer.

It must be about three weeks or more now since we've had any rain. And there's been quite a bit of sunshine. Unfortunately it's all too late - if only we'd had this weather pattern a month or two back! Ah well...

The Lazy Cook

This post is not so much about saving time as saving money - I got myself one of those halogen cooker thingies a few months ago, and can report that it's one of the best buys I've ever made. It uses about 10-20% of the power that my conventional oven uses, and it's faster because you don't have to pre-heat it. Other than that, it does the same job. Because it's a fan oven, you need to reduce the given cooking temperatures by about 20 degrees C, and I often find that I can knock about 5 minutes off the cooking time as well (because it's all glass, you can see what's going on and make a good guess as to when the food's done). All in all, a great piece of kit which I can thoroughly recommend.

Incy-wincy...

I'm OK with spiders, though I'm not keen on having them in the house. I've got a very Buddhist attitude towards them - I carefully gather them up in some toilet paper or kitchen roll and take them outside and deposit them on some foliage. But first you've got to catch them, haven't you. Several times over the last few weeks I've caught a glimpse of a (very speedy) spider scuttling across my living room carpet but I'm blowed if I can find him (her?). And apparently this year there's going to be stacks more of them because the weather has suited them so they're going to be breeding more. And how the dickens do they get into the bath??

Hoist by her own whatsits.

I'm sure we are all entitled to a touch of schadenfreude over the Attorney General falling foul of her own legislation by not complying with the rules over the employment of an immigrant worker who apparently didn't have the right to work here. Whether she should have resigned, or whether she should be sacked are matters for others, but I find great satisfaction in seeing someone caught up in their own web of bureaucratic red tape. I would like to think that she and others will now think twice before introducing unnecessarily complex legislation - but I doubt it!

So that's clear then? - Not!!

The DPP's "clarification" of the assisted suicide law just highlights what a dog's breakfast that law is. We seem to have become confused about the difference between assisting someone to commit suicide - i.e. handing them a lethal dose to drink for instance, and merely assisting them to travel to a particular place. The latter cannot rationally be considered to be assisting them to commit suicide even if we know that is their purpose in travelling to that place. And then we have this idea that you might be deemed to have fallen foul of the law if you stand to benefit financially from the person's suicide. Given that the people most likely to accompany a would-be suicide on their journey will be their closest relatives, and that they are the people most likely to named beneficiaries under that person's will, this seems to mean that they will always be suspect. Not very helpful. I've no doubt that the DPP has done his best, but Parliament created this mess, and it's about time that Parliament stopped ducking the issue and sorted it out.

What??!!

There's got to be something wrong with a system when a dinnerlady who saw a child being bullied (and this wasn't just name-calling, it involved tying the child up and beating them with a skipping rope) and told the child's parents about it is sacked for breaching "pupil confidentiality". I sometimes think the world has gone mad.

Autumnal equinox.

The equinox, like the solstice (see post dated 21/6/08), is a precise moment in time when the sun is directly over the equator - and this year that's around 9 o'clock tonight. It's often said that the day of the equinox is when day and night are of equal length, and indeed the word comes straight from the Latin - aequus - equal and nox - night. And yet this isn't quite so. It is the day when sunrise and sunset are 12 hours apart, give or take, but what you have to remember is that it gets light about half and hour before sunrise, and doesn't get dark until about half an hour after sunset, so in fact there's about 13 hours of daylight today and only 11 hours of darkness. The day when we get 12 hours of each isn't for about another fortnight. The word twilight, by the way, although we use it pretty well exclusively to mean the time after the sun has set when it's still light(ish), equally applies to the time before sunrise when it's getting light - it actually means "half-light". And that's enough pedantry for today!

Dem bones, dem bones...

Bits and pieces of the bones of St. Thérèse of Lisieux are on a journey around this country for those who are so minded to see, touch, kiss or whatever. This veneration of relics of Saints has a long history in Roman Catholicism and the belief is that such relics have miraculous powers. At least, because St. Thérèse died relatively recently the provenance of her bones is well enough established, so the faithful can be sure that what they are worshiping is what it says on the tin, as it were. It is often said that if all the "pieces of the true cross" from around the world were assembled in one place, they would be sufficient to build a reasonable sized outhouse. So what do we make of those who will queue for hours for the chance of touching St. Thérèse's bones - or more to the point touching the perspex case which holds the wooden box which holds said bones? I personally find the whole business ridiculous, but if there are those who get spiritual comfort from such an act, I am certainly not going to criticise them. We must all come to terms with what life has thrown at us in our own way, and if it works for you, that's all that matters.

Up she rises.

There is a long-standing theory that fashion - in particular skirt-length - mirrors the economic situation. In good times, skirt-lengths rise, in bad times they fall. Not very scientific, but interesting. And apparently next year's fashions are going to see the return of the miniskirt. So let's hope there's some truth in it then!

No Mr Bond - I expect you to sell...

Following the decision to allow "product placement" on commercial television, there was an article in my paper the other day pointing out that product placement was commonplace in all the James Bond films, and detailing many examples. Now the point is that I have watched all the James Bond films - many of them more than once - and (perhaps with the exception of the make of car he drove) have never been aware of all these commercial brand names which apparently were there being flaunted right under my nose. Which raises the question - does product placement actually work? Does it actually increase sales? I suppose it must do otherwise companies would not pay serious money to get their product prominently displayed in this way. So perhaps it's just me??

Back from the dead?

I see they're thinking of resurrecting Williams and Glyn's bank, and there was a discussion on breakfast TV about all the other High Street names that had bit the dust over the last 25 years or so. We had a family catch-phrase which would crop up whenever we started getting nostalgic about times past. One of us would inevitably look at the other and say "...and whatever happened to Spangles?"

R.I.P.

Keith Floyd - the TV chef who broke the mould by showing us that cooking could and should be fun. Let's all have a "quick slurp" in his memory.

Wie geht's?

When I re-read my post of yesterday, it seemed to me that I might have given the impression that I disliked or distrusted the Germans. Nothing could be further from the truth. I did most of my National Service in Germany and the one thing which struck me above all others was the friendliness of local Germans - and this, don't forget, was only ten years after the end of the war, and where I was stationed was close to the Ruhr which, as Germany's industrial heartland, took a heavy beating. The locals would have had every right to hate us, or at best to treat us as a necessary evil, but my experience was that they accepted us as just ordinary blokes doing a job and were always willing to talk to us and help us where they could. I enjoyed my time in Germany. The reservations about a united Germany was all to do with politics, not people.

When the wall came down...

Documents recently published reveal that both this country and Russia had deep reservations about the reunification of Germany following the collapse of the East German state in late 1989. This reminded me of a conversation I had shortly after those events with an elderly man who had fought in both world wars. I was being very positive about the future, but I remember him saying to me "We've had to fight and beat 'em twice, and now, mark my words, sooner or later we're going to have to do it again". Is it too early yet to dismiss what he said?

MG Rover (RIP).

Those of us who live in my part of the world are finding it difficult to understand why it has taken four years and cost £16m to tell us what we already knew. And the feeling is that if the government had made that £16m of public money available to the company at the time, the outcome might have been very different.

Sorry, little girl, I cannot see you across the road - I haven't got a certificate.

So now the full impact of the Government's Vetting and Barring Scheme (see post dated 17/7/09) is becoming apparent. Parents who regularly transport other people's children to school or to out of school activities will be caught by it, as will it seems those who take part in student exchange programmes. And what about "sleep-overs"? Government spokespersons put forward a persuasive case that the safety of children is paramount, but it seems to me that the whole thing is based on an underlying presumption that everybody (or more probably, every man) is a potential child abuser and must be treated as such unless and until proved not to be so. And where do we stop? What happens (and be sure it will happen, sooner or later) when someone who has been vetted and accepted goes on to abuse or kill a child? What's the next step on the ladder? All children to be removed from parents at birth and brought up in "Brave New World" hatcheries where adults cannot get at them? The road to hell is paved with good intentions...

Alan Turing OBE.

Turing was a genius - simple as that. He was the leading light in the team of decrypters who worked secretly at Bletchley Park in WW II and who played a big part in winning the war - particularly the Battle of the Atlantic. He is considered the father of the modern computer. Unfortunately he was a homosexual at a time when this was not only socially unacceptable, but also illegal. When this fact came out in 1952, he was prosecuted and as an alternative to imprisonment agreed to undergo "chemical castration". Shortly after, and probably as a result, he committed suicide. This has been a blot on the national copybook ever since. The Prime Minister has finally offered an apology for the shameful way he was treated. Not before time.

Traditional?

Why do we keep on insisting that morris dancing is an essentially English pastime? Quite apart from the fact that similar dancing troupes are active throughout Europe - although on nowhere near such a large scale - the name was originally moorish dancing, which gives a big clue as to where it originated.

Plus ça change...

The "liquid bomb plot" trial has highlighted the fact that evidence which has been obtained as a result of intercepting 'phone calls or e-mails is inadmissible in English courts unless the interception happened abroad and the information has been passed on to us by that other country. Somewhat of an anomaly and I'm sure it will be corrected in due course, but it immediately reminded me of the shenanigans surrounding the Zimmermann telegram. Not that I'm old enough to remember that of course, but the story is well reported. In early 1917 the Americans were dithering about whether to enter the war in Europe or not. The Germans of course desperately wanted them to stay out of it. To this end they proposed making an approach to the Mexican government that if they (the Mexicans) attacked the US from the south - and there were plenty of historical territorial disputes which could be used to justify such an attack - the Germans would give them logistical and diplomatic support. The hope was of course that America would not fancy trying to fight on two fronts, and therefore would stay out of the European war. Zimmermann, who was the German Foreign Minister sent a coded telegram to the German Ambassador in Mexico instructing him to approach the Mexican government with this offer. The telegram was intercepted and decoded by the British, but for various reasons it was considered essential that when it was made public, it had to appear that the interception and decoding had been done by the Americans, so a complicated plot was hatched to allow the Americans to "discover" the telegram and publish the contents. The resulting public outrage in the US was such that they entered the war just a few weeks later, so from the Germans' point of view the plan backfired spectacularly.

Give a dog a bad name...

There's much talk at the moment about airports moving from a blanket screening approach to passenger profiling - that is identifying passengers who may pose a threat and concentrating their security efforts on them. Just how you go about identifying such passengers is a matter of contention. But it seems that teachers are way ahead of them - reports suggest that teachers in the reception classes at primary schools have identified potential trouble-making children before the school year even starts by simply looking at the register. They have already earmarked children with names like Callum, Kyle, Chelsea and Demi as most likely to be disruptive, whereas those called Christopher, Daniel, Rebecca and Sophie for example are unlikely to cause them any trouble. Interesting??

Music Man

"The Beatles are back" was the headline in my paper the other day. I wasn't aware they had ever been away. Quality will always tell, and the Beatles produced more quality stuff than anyone else at the time or since. I am sure that the best of their tunes will still be being played many years from now, long after much of the dross which passes for popular music today has been consigned to the dustbin of history. The danger I think for many modern artists and bands is that if today's youth are exposed to the Beatles they will realise just how rubbish much of today's pop is.

No more than good neighbours?

It is reported that recent events have strained - or maybe even destroyed - the "special relationship" which it has traditionally been said exists between this country and the United States. It is true that we speak the same language - sort of - and subscribe, at least on the face of it, to many of the same values, but the idea that the US is like a big brother looking out for us has never struck me as supported by the facts. America acts purely in America's interests and has always done so. They didn't come in to either of the two world wars until they saw it as in their interests to do so and the idea that they came in to the latter one to help plucky little Britain is a load of cobblers. So this special relationship is really just an empty phrase designed to do no more than suggest that in general we see things in much the same way, and the fact that recently that hasn't been so doesn't really alter anything.

Strange...

Further to Thursday's post, what I don't understand about UEFA's punishment of Eduardo for diving in Arsenal's match against Celtic is that, had the referee seen it as a dive, it seems to be accepted that the punishment would have been a yellow card. But UEFA have banned him for two matches - effectively giving him a red card. So it seems your punishment depends not on what you did, but on whether it was spotted at the time or not. Can't see the sense in that.

Words, words, words...

OK, my post of the first of this month possibly contained a semantic error. I used the expression "of that ilk" to mean "of that family name". I would argue that today this is an accepted usage, but would agree that originally - particularly in Scotland - it referred to a landed person whose surname was the same as the name of their estate - so "Guthrie of that ilk" meant someone with the surname of Guthrie who belonged to the family who owned the estate of Guthrie. Hope that clears that up.

Ha ha

The latest edition of my retirement magazine has been a bit of a disappointment - I can usually guarantee to find at least two or three jokes in there worthy of posting, but this time there was really only one, which is not so much a joke as a comment on modern life. It is, by the way, supposed to be a true story, although I'm certain it's been embellished along the way -

An elderly gentleman in a small town in Mississippi was about to go to bed one night when he saw some people rifling through his garden shed. He rang the police. They asked if there was anybody actually inside the house, to which he said no. They then said that all their patrols were busy, that he should lock all his doors and windows, and they would send someone along when they could but it might be some time. The man put the 'phone down, counted up to 30, and then 'phoned them again.
"Hello" he said "I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them" and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at his house, and the burglars were caught red-handed.
One of the policemen said to the man "I thought you said you'd shot them?" The old man smiled and said "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Hey, ref !!

The football authorities have said they are going to clamp down on attempts to con the referee - in particular "diving", that is falling over when there has in fact been no contact with an opponent in the hope of being awarded a free kick, or better, a penalty, and perhaps as a bonus getting the opponent a yellow, or maybe even a red card. Can't argue with that, but what about the player who could have avoided being caught by an opponent but chooses not to? I tend to refer to these incidents as "Oh, look, there's a leg - I'll fall over it". There was an incident recently (no names, no pack-drill) where the referee decided that a goalkeeper's arm had contacted a player's leg and caused him to fall, and penalised the goalkeeper. Thanks to slow-motion replay it became clear that it was more a matter that the player's leg had deliberately come into contact with the goalkeeper's arm - the player could easily have stepped over the arm had they been so minded. So my point is - is this not just as much conning the referee?

Own goal?

Drinking Banning Orders - already nicknamed "Booze ASBOs" have finally been brought into force some four years after the legislation which provided for them was passed. The effect of such an order is to ban somebody from going into any pub, club or off-licence or drinking in a public place within a defined area. The situation regarding supermarkets is not clear. What strikes me is that this and other measures which the Government have introduced to try and combat the anti-social aspects of drinking have in great part been necessitated by the Government's own decision to introduce 24 hour drinking.

Grasping at straws?

Mozart (as in Wolfgang Amadeus of that ilk) is said to have stopped on the outskirts of the Austrian town of Raschala in 1787. Not surprising perhaps that the town should try and maximise the tourist potential of this episode - until that is that you learn that the purpose of Mozart's stop was to have a pee by the roadside! Undeterred by this, the town has put a plaque on the stone where this is supposed to have happened, and christened it the Mozart Pinkelstein (Piss-stone). What's that saying about there being no such thing as bad publicity?