Keeping in touch

I have a mobile 'phone which, as a 'phone, is used strictly for emergencies and, until relatively recently, for sending e-mails.  But they cost, and some time ago my grandchildren introduced me to Whatsapp, which is a way of sending messages using the 'phone but which is free.  All the family are part of a Whatsapp group and we can message each other as and when.  Brilliant - but it does make you wonder what the future is for e-mails?  Indeed, what the future is for mobile 'phones, although I think they make their money these days more from people who use them to access the Internet.

Safety 101?

Surely - even in France - everybody know that if you're caught in a thunderstorm, the last place you choose to shelter is under a TREE??

Blow into this bag please Sir.

Didn't realise that a year or so ago, Scotland introduced a new drink-drive limit of 22 micrograms of alcohol per 100 millilitres of breath.  The limit in England and Wales remained at 35.  So this has created a strange situation where a driver in Scotland has been given a 12 month ban from driving for being found with a reading of 32, even though that reading would have been OK outside Scotland.  The point is that the ban applies throughout the UK, so he can't drive in England and Wales even though he would have committed no offence had he been stopped with that reading there.

You don't say??

The Commons Treasury Committee have condemned both sides in the Referendum debate for making misleading claims in support of their causes.  Well, yes, but where have they been for the last few weeks?  Talk about stating the obvious!

The special one??

Have to confess to a certain amount of schadenfreude about the goings-on at Manchester United, but I do wonder whether Mourinho is really the man for them.  It seems to me that for the second time in a row they have sacked a manager who was beginning to show signs of putting together a cohesive team capable of living with the best.  Van Gaal comes across as a rather dour character and for much of the season the team's football seemed to reflect this, but towards the end of the season they began to play more like the Manchester United of old.  But now it's back to the drawing board and getting used to a new manager who is known for having his own very definite ideas and not suffering fools gladly - so we shall see.

Ve haf vays...

I am one of those who have been caught by the latest Microsoft trick.  I leave my computer on overnight and came down on Saturday morning I think it was to be confronted by a blue screen saying "Welcome to Windows 10".  So the latest Windows had installed itself overnight without so much as a by-your-leave.  Microsoft have responded by saying that "we want to help people upgrade to the best version of Windows".  So "best version"??  My Chrome browser now doesn't work, and Netflix doesn't work properly.  I have a feeling that I am going to find other problems as time goes on.  Needless to say, I am not impressed.  Who do Microsoft think they are?

Too loud!

In the early days of sound recording, when wax cylinders and early discs were played on phonographs with big brass horns, the sound produced was somewhat harsh for many people's taste, and often some material, like a sock, would be inserted into the horn to muffle the sound and make it more acceptable. And this is where the saying "put a sock in it" comes from.

Here's an interesting question...

...is the number 0 odd or even?  Now there are various ways you can approach this question.  If you go back a year or so, I was arguing that zero is not a number - it is in fact the essence of a lack of number, so on that basis 0 is neither odd nor even. But then...  one definition of an even number is a number which is exactly divisible by two.  Well 0 divided by two is 0.  Then again, another definition of an even number is a number which ends in 2,4,6,8 or 0 - and 0 fits that bill.  So you could argue that 0 is an even number.  Does it matter?  Do me a favour!

The VAT man cometh...

Remember the story about Jaffa Cakes?  Well the VAT man is at it again.  Children's colouring books are VAT free.  As I'm sure you are aware, there's been a recent craze for more complicated colouring books aimed more at adults.  So they're VAT free as well, right?  You will perhaps not be surprised to learn that the taxman has been scrobbling around looking for some way of getting his hands on 20% of the cost of these items.  There is a class of publication known as "uncompleted products" covering things like diaries and notebooks and which attract VAT, and HMRC are seeking to have adult colouring books classed as such. Who was it who said there are only two certainties - death and taxes.

Trim that hedge!

I don't know about you, but on Mondays I rarely get any post - sure, the postman comes, but what he puts through the letterbox is invariably rubbish - unsolicited mail and flyers,  Last Monday it included an invitation to invest in a hedge fund.  No thank you, but it did cause me to think - where does the expression "hedge fund" come from?  And of course it didn't take long to realise that it came from that other expression "to hedge your bets" - that is to make other bets so that, if your main bet fails, you don't lose everything.  But of course, this simply raised the question - where did that expression come from? Well, it seems that "hedge" as a verb has been around for at least 600 years in the sense of  "to limit" - which of course is exactly what a hedge does - it limits an area of land.  Its use in the sense of limiting your financial liability can be traced back to the 1600s.

PJS

No, I don't know who this celebrity is who "had a threesome", and frankly I'm not that interested, but it does seem at best strange, and at worst idiotic, that his name can be publicly banded about throughout the world - including Scotland - but cannot be publicised here in England and Wales.  The Supreme Court have upheld the injunction granted to the man to prevent publication here. Apparently if you really want to know who he is, it's not that difficult to find out.  It's the press who are really up in arms because they would dearly love to tell you, but can't!

Puff, puff.

For one reason or another, smokers and smoking are going to have a hard time of it in the next few months and years.  Cigarettes will only be sold in plain packaging, you will not be able to buy packs of ten, menthol cigarettes, and any other flavoured smokes, will be banned and advertising of e-cigarettes will not be allowed.  As an ex-smoker, I find it all rather depressing,

Oooh, Matron!

I've talked more than once in these pages about books and films from the past having to be treated as things of their time, and not judged on the basis of current morality and prejudices.  But how do we deal with modern works which seek to look back to past politically incorrect times?  I ask because it seems moves are afoot to produce two (and maybe more) new Carry On films.  Now the Carry On franchise had its hey-day in the 1960s and 70s and relied heavily (one might say almost exclusively) on innuendo, double-entendre and seaside postcard humour.  Could it be done today? And if it is, will it be acceptable?  They did try back in the 90s with "Carry On Columbus" but that was a flop.  And if the producers go for a more modern, all-inclusive, lets-not-upset-anyone approach, then they won't be true Carry On films, will they?

Oops!

I seem to have fooled myself with my post about the Mayor of London last Thursday. My title of "Has he got a cat?" was a reference to Dick Whittington, but of course he was Lord Mayor of London, which is a completely different office from that of Mayor. It's a matter of constant confusion, but the City of London (capital C) is a different animal to the city of London (small c).  The City is the oldest part of London and the Lord Mayor is the head of its local authority, the City of London Corporation. What we tend to refer to as the city of London is more properly referred to as Greater London and it is this that the Mayor is leader of. Sorry about that.

Got the sunscreen?

A father took his daughter out of school without permission to go on a week's holiday to Florida and then refused to pay the fine imposed by the local council.  They took him to court and the magistrates dismissed their case, and the Court of Appeal have now equally dismissed their appeal.  This is being seen as giving "carte blanche" to other parents to do the same.  Not sure it's quite that simple.  The Court of Appeal would not have concerned themselves with who did what and why, but would have simply considered whether the magistrates applied the law correctly or not, and clearly they decided that they did.  The Education Act 1996 places a legal obligation on a parent to ensure their child receives full-time education "either by regular attendance at school or otherwise".  The girl in question had an attendance record of over 90% even after taking this holiday and the magistrates decided that this qualified as "regular attendance".  So the holiday was really somewhat incidental - the case turned on the definition of "regular attendance".

Rugby Union

What a thoroughly depressing European Challenge Cup Final between Racing 92 and Saracens - seven penalty kicks beats three penalty kicks - yuk!

Leave it alone!

The recent White Paper on the future of the BBC has apparently had a swipe at the Beeb's "static daytime schedule" and pointed out, inter alia, that Bargain Hunt is in its 43rd series.  Didn't realise that Bargain Hunt had series, but so what?  I watch Bargain Hunt - well perhaps "watch" is pushing it a bit - it's more that it's on while I'm sitting there waiting for the one-o-clock news.  But it's inoffensive and not demanding and as one who, when my wife was alive, regularly went with her to local antique fairs, mildly interesting.  So keep your hands off it.

You'll never guess what I heard...

If your roof projects beyond the walls of your house, the overhang is called the "eaves" and this gives rise to the expression "eavesdropping" for secretly listening in to the private conversation of others. But the question is - if you happen to overhear a private conversation, what, if anything, should you do about it?  A couple of occasions recently where we have learned about what someone has been overheard saying which perhaps they would rather we hadn't.  Which raises the question - was the person who overheard these things right to publicise them or should they have kept schtumm?  You can approach this from the point of legality, or - as I would - from the point of manners.  It's rank bad manners to breach a confidence and as far as I am concerned, that's an end of it.  Good manners seem to have gone out of the window lately.

BODMAS

What? Shush - all will be revealed in due course.  You know I like these little maths puzzles, so here's one for you -

9 - 3 ÷ 1/3 + 1 = ?

If you simply work from left to right, you have nine minus three, which is six; six divided by one-third (you may remember from school that this is the same as six multiplied by three) which is eighteen, and then plus one gives an answer of nineteen. But were you taught BODMAS, or something similar?  The point is that you don't just work from left to right, but some calculations take precedence over others.  The order - as I was taught it, is -
          B(rackets)
          O(f)
          D(ivision)
          M(ultiplication)
          A(ddition)
          S(ubtraction)
- specifically, multiplication and division must be done before addition and subtraction, So the first thing you must do is deal with the "three divided by a third" bit, and three divided by a third is the same as three multiplied by three, which is nine. So the sum now becomes nine minus nine plus one, which is of course one.  So the answer is one.

Has he got a cat?

Not being a Londoner and having only a very superficial interest in party politics, I didn't take any great interest in the contest for the Mayor of London.  The outcome is being seen by some as a triumph for Labour and a counterweight to their poor performance in the local and regional elections. Well, the winning candidate was indeed the choice of the Labour party, and the losing one that of the Conservatives, but was it that simple?  As a somewhat disinterested outside observer, it seemed to me you could equally see it as a contest between a basically decent bloke who happened to be a Muslim with - no surprise - connections, past and present, with the Muslim world, and a rich boy who - as it appeared to me - seemed to think that he had some sort of God-given right to win, and turned rather nasty when it became clear he might not.  So, like I say, I am not a Londoner, but I think they made the right choice.

TTIP

Pardon?  You've probably not heard of it, but economically those four letters could prove to be of utmost importance for your future, the future of this country, and - for as long as we are part of it - the future of the European Union.  They stand for the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership, and this is an agreement - essentially a trade agreement -  which is being worked on as we speak by the US and the EU. Problem is, this is all being done in secret, so we shan't know what has been agreed until it's been agreed.  Except of course that it's virtually impossible these days to keep anything secret. And Greenpeace claim to know something of what's going on. They have published documents purporting to show that (surprise, surprise) America will have the whip hand in matters of trade and effectively the EU will have to go along with whatever the US say.  Perhaps the most worrying claim Greenpeace make is that one of the main objectives of the US is to "improve EU rule making" - and I guess we can all work out what that means!

Never again...

You may very well think that the Prime Minister's statement that Brexit could increase the risk of war as being way over the top.  I certainly do, but I think it's worth remembering that the original idea of the European Union was born back in the late 40s and early 50s specifically out of a determination to try and make a third European war "unthinkable and materially impossible".  The question is whether seventy years on that danger is really still there.

Foxes rule!

All credit to Leicester City and their remarkable season ending in winning the Premiership title.  So nice to see a Midland team getting success.  OK, so they're East Midlands, but I'll take that - particularly after the Villa getting relegated.  Why the Foxes?  Well, their club badge is a fox and this relates to Leicestershire being considered by many as the cradle of organised foxhunting going back over 300 years to the founding of the Quorn Hunt which continues to meet regularly to this day.  It will be fascinating to see what next season brings, and particularly whether they can hang on to their best players, who must now surely be targets for the big money teams.

Addendum

I mentioned a couple of months ago that I was in favour of this idea that all schools should become academies.  But equally I would not force it on anyone.  Becoming an academy brings with it certain duties and responsibilities far removed from teaching and for which some schools and headmasters would not be suited.  So they should be encouraged but not coerced. 

X marks the spot.

It seems that Thursday's election results provided a bit of something for everyone. Labour did badly, but nowhere near as catastrophically badly as many had predicted. The Conservatives more or less trod water in England and Wales and did reasonably well in Scotland. The LibDems, Plaid Cymru and Ukip all made a few gains - enough to get them exited, and the SNP once again dominated in Scotland, for all that they lost their overall majority.  What I haven't seen reported so far is the turn-out, which is traditionally poor for local elections and maybe will give a better indication of just how relevant these results are in the great scheme of things.

Chips - and America, we're talking fries here!

Somebody from the West Midlands who has moved to America put a message on a web site saying how much they missed orange chips, and from the various replies and comments it became clear that, surprisingly for those of us who live here, this is very much a niche Black Country thing,  Even people from Birmingham claimed they had never heard of them.  So, what are we talking about? Well, chips which have been dunked in the batter used for the fish (or a somewhat watered-down version of same) before being fried.  Gives them a nice crisp coating and a golden colour.  Their popularity round here seems to be growing. but at one time the only place I knew of which did them was in Darlaston (Darlo in local speak) and was known locally as The Orange Chip Shop.  And people would come from miles around to get them.  So there you have it - the Black Country's contribution to world cuisine - faggots and peas, and orange chips!

SATS again

This is a sort of follow-up to my post dated 27/1/12, which you might like to read first. Embarrassment for the Schools Minister when he apparently failed to correctly answer the following question from the Key Stage 2 (7 to 11-year-olds) grammar test - "I went to the cinema after I'd eaten my dinner."  Is the word "after" here being used as a subordinating conjunction or as a preposition?  Can I suggest a third possible answer - Does it in any way matter if I don't know?

Music Man

You know Ravel's Bolero - yes, of course you do!  Torvill and Dean?  Dudley Moore and Bo Derek in the film 10?  Well, it's now out of copyright so I imagine we'll be hearing far more of it - or snippets of it - in adverts and such.  Ravel himself didn't rate it that highly, referring to it as "A simple experiment with a theme which is not developed..." But surely that's its charm?  The hypnotic repetition of the tune as Ravel passes it round the sections of the orchestra, the slow crescendo, the unexpected change of key, and then the feeling of almost sexual release as it returns to the "home" key in triumph.  Truly a case of less is more - a little masterpiece.

That slot is ours!

I've mentioned before how - spookily - topics I've blogged about have a habit of cropping up later in the real world.  It is being suggested that the BBC should not be allowed to schedule their most popular programmes in direct competition to the commercial channels.  So they would not be able to put Strictly Come Dancing on at the same time as ITV are showing The X Factor for instance.  Well have a look at what I was saying nine years ago (see post dated 24/7/07)  Eat your heart out, Nostradamus!

How the elephant got its trunk...

Do you know the difference between truncating and rounding numbers?  Well take the famous number pi - 3.14158265....  Suppose we truncate this to four decimal places. This simply means that we drop all the decimal places beyond the fourth - so it becomes 3.1415.  Rounding to four decimal places on the other hand means that we express it to four decimal places, but the fourth decimal place depends on the fifth decimal place - if this is 0 to 4 then the fourth decimal place remains as it is, but if it is 5 to 9 then the fourth decimal place is rounded up one,  So rounded, it becomes 3.1416.

Weekends should be fun!!

When my youngest granddaughter (who will be 11 in a few weeks) came back to my house from school last Friday, I asked - as I always do - "Had a good day?"  Now I'm used to hearing "yeah - OK" or some such. so I was taken aback when she said "I've had better - I've a LOAD of homework to do over the weekend". So what's going on? It is of course these damned SATS which year 6s have to sit before the end of term. Her school are quite clearly panicking because these SATS are in no way for the benefit of the child, but do have an impact on the status of the school.  So my granddaughter is suffering and having her weekend spoiled purely for the benefit of the school - how crazy (and unfair) is that?