Erm, it's like this...

Now that Article 50 has been triggered and the clock is running, the question of the moment seems to be - can we change our mind?  As negotiations progress, if we don't like the way they are going and start to fear the eventual outcome, can we withdraw our Article 50 letter?  The Lisbon Treaty (which introduced Article 50) is silent on the subject.  It would certainly be strange if we could be forced to leave at the end of the two-year period, against our will,  It's all a bit worrying, isn't it?

Ha ha

Couldn't resist this one -
An Englishmen, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar,  Then they all had to leave because the Englishman wanted to.

Ouch!!

Stay in the moment

Have you heard of "mindfulness"? Chances are you have - it's very much a word-of-the-moment, but do you understand it?  Chances are you don't.  And that's partly because it's one of those concepts that can mean different things at different times to different people.  I have come across it in relation to stress (not me) and my, perhaps simplistic, take is that if you are worried, depressed, stressed or whatever, then it's almost certainly due to something that has happened in the past, or something you anticipate will happen in the future,  So if you can force yourself (or be forced) to concentrate all your energies on this instant - the here and now - you can block out the past and future and in time get a different, more dispassionate perspective on your problem - whatever it is.  Taking this to the extreme, there is a philosophical school of thought called "presentism" which holds that only the present is real - neither the past nor future exist.  And my head is beginning to hurt!

Quids in?

Lot of air time on breakfast telly yesterday about the new pound coin which is being introduced today.  The big question being posed was whether the innumerable coin-in-the-slot machines will have been converted in time.  But it seems to me that the more crucial immediate practical question is whether those that have been converted will still work with the old pound coins?  I shall be going shopping tomorrow and it is most unlikely that I shall have received any of the new coins by then, so will the supermarket trolleys still work with the old ones?  If not, I'm in trouble!

Tick, tock

Changing the clocks time - a job I thoroughly dislike.  But as ever when we put the clocks forward, there are calls for us to stay on summer time for the whole year. Then, the argument goes. we would be on the same time as France, Germany and the rest of Europe, which would make trading with them much simpler. Except of course that it wouldn't - those on Central European Time also put their clocks forward in the Spring, so we would still be an hour behind them!

Teaching to the test?

Can't really get my head around this idea that grammar schools should lower the pass mark for children from poorer or more disadvantaged backgrounds.  I can see the idea from a socialist, egalitarian point of view, but surely it destroys the whole concept of grammar schools?  If you're running a school for children who have shown they can attain a certain level of educational ability, then to accept any who do not reach that standard makes a nonsense of what you are seeking to do. Like I say, I can see the problem which those who advocate such a move are seeking to address, but I think they are going about it the wrong way - the real problem the disadvantaged face is that those with monied parents can afford to employ tutors to teach their children how to pass the exam. Providing such tutoring for all won't solve the problem - those with "involved" parents will always be at an advantage - but it would help to level the playing field.

Have you seen how they treat hold luggage?

This ban on taking laptops and tablets in your hand luggage on certain flights strikes me as being a recipe for chaos.  Because it only applies to flights into this country, and then only from certain other countries (presumably seen as "iffy") it means that you may be able to take your laptop or whatever with you in the cabin on the outward flight, but not on the return flight.  And as, by definition, the return flight will be from a country seen as untrustworthy, the question of the security of your equipment - or even worse, your data - raises its head.  And suppose you are travelling "light" and have no hold luggage?  So many problems...

Oh dear...

...it is looking more and more likely that Wednesday's terrorist attack in London has connections - maybe even its origins - in Birmingham.  Not that I can say I'm surprised - certain areas of the city (notably Sparkbrook and its environs) have a growing reputation for radicalisation and extremism.  ISIS have claimed responsibility - but then, they would, wouldn't they?  Watch this space, as they say.

We shall not be moved...

It's not often these days that one has cause to be proud of being British but yesterday afternoon, watching live on television the terrible goings-on at Westminster, what struck me most strongly was the pervasive sense of control - yes, something bad had happened, yes, the situation was far from clear, and yes, it might not be over.  There was chaos, but there was no sense of panic - everybody was doing their jobs, everybody was reporting what they knew calmly and dispassionately and like I say, you felt that things, to the extent that they could ever be in the circumstances, were under control. Well done, us.

Martin McGuinness

Perhaps read first my post of 22nd January.

Well, his death has come much earlier than was being suggested back then, but my feelings haven't changed.  Much has been made on the news about contrasting the man he was (IRA terrorist) with the man he became (architect of the "peace process" and Deputy First Minister).  The question is - does the latter excuse the former?  To me, it's a bit like the bully who gives up bullying.  Do you praise him for giving it up, or point out that he has simply stopped doing what he shouldn't have been doing in the first place?

On your marks...

So we now have a date - 29th of the month.  This is when the Prime Minister will invoke Article 50 (and if you don't know what that is, you haven't been paying attention!) and start the two-year clock running.  Mind you, talk about cutting it fine? She promised it would be done before the end of March and she's scraped in by a couple of days.  What's going to happen now?  Your guess is as good as mine, but this much I will say - hang on to your hats!

Less is more - or is it?

Apparently, according to a newspaper poll, there is "overwhelming" support for raising the top rate of income tax from 45% to 50%.  Laffer curve anyone?? (see 7/3/13)

When will it end?

It is of course a matter for the Americans, but just how much longer can Trump continue doing what he's doing?  He has shown himself as someone who is prepared to tell blatant lies when it suits him - and then deny he did so, claiming he was simply repeating what someone else had said. He has shown himself as a charmless nerk who is not prepared to observe the basic niceties with the head of a supposedly friendly nation, nor offer an apology to another friendly nation he has traduced.  Like I say, I think we are entitled to wonder - how much longer?

Many a true word...

Anybody who has lived or worked in Birmingham over the last 40 or 50 years will relate to this:  A local website asked for people's thoughts about the city.  I particularly liked one reply that said "it'll be quite nice once it's finished".

Not a lot of people know that...

Jackie Chan, the Hong Kong martial arts film star, is a trained operatic singer.  And by the way, Michael Caine never said that.

The Lazy Cook

Simple Stroganoff

There's something exotic about the name stroganoff, and yet the basic idea is simplicity itself - right up my street!  So...In a wok or large frying pan fry off some beef mince (once again I'm leaving amounts to you - you know how many you are and how hungry you are) and when nicely browned, drain off any fat and add a can of cream of mushroom soup, a couple or three teaspoons of crushed garlic (as mentioned previously, get it in a jar from the supermarket) and a carton of sour cream.  Stir well together and there you are!

Well I never!

Did you know we had a Groceries Code Adjudicator?  This is a government officer whose job is to keep an eye on supermarkets and stamp out any "sharp practice".  I don't know how long she has been in post, but among her recent findings are that supermarkets charge suppliers for preferential treatment such as displaying their products in the most favourable positions.  Well "Duh - Queen Victoria's dead" as we used to say.  I think I've mentioned before that some 40-odd years ago my wife had a part-time job which involved visiting local supermarkets, and certainly, according to her, this was common practice back then.  Little changes. it seems.

On the terraces

I find it difficult to take seriously the idea that chanting "DVD" or "three for a fiver" could be construed as racist, and yet Millwall fans are being accused of just that in respect of their treatment of Tottenham's forward Heung-Min Son in their recent F A Cup match. Apparently it is seen as a reference to the stereotype of Asian street traders selling bootleg copies of music and films. Objectionable perhaps, but racist - bit of a stretch, I feel.  Of course you have to remember that Millwall are the team who famously had (and maybe still have) the chant "Nobody likes us, we don't care". So perhaps they are the victims of their own publicity?

Sad story

A man on the Isle of Wight was suffering from Motor Neurone Disease. He had tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide twice.  In desperation he asked his son for help. The son left him in his car one night with a bottle of whisky and a bag of pills. When he checked later and found that the pills had been taken, he informed the police. The father was found to be dead, and the son was arrested on suspicion of assisting a suicide. Thankfully the police decided that no further action should be taken. In my view they are to be congratulated on an eminently sensible decision.  I think I have mentioned before that my father-in-law suffered from, and eventually died from that horrible disease.  Given the opportunity. would I have done the same for him?  You bet!!

The Calcutta Cup

This is the trophy played for annually by England and Scotland as part of the Rugby Union Six Nations tournament,  But why Calcutta? Not a place you would associate with a hot and sweaty game like rugby. And indeed, that's part of the story.  In the 1870s, English and Scottish rugby afficionados in India tried to introduce the game there and a few games were played between teams representing the two countries and as a result the Calcutta Football Club was formed.  But it didn't catch on - partly, as mentioned above, due to the unsuitable climate and partly it would seem because a free bar for members was discontinued (!).  So the remaining members wound the club up and withdrew the remaining funds from the bank, and this came in the form of silver rupees, which they had melted down and made into a cup which they presented to the rugby authorities in England on condition it should be played for annually between the two countries. So there you are - and, thinking about it, should it not now be called the Kolkata Cup?

All together now...

Should the English rugby (union) crowd be stopped from singing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot"?  It is seriously being suggested that they should.  Why?  Because it's a negro spiritual, and originally a song sung by slaves bemoaning their lot and looking forward to death as the ultimate escape, and as such it is seen as inappropriate to use it for any other purpose.  I suppose the crucial question is whether those rugby fans are singing it as a spiritual, or simply because it's a good tune. The Welsh tend to break out into Cwm Rhondda, which is a hymn tune with strong Methodist connections - again I would suggest simply because it's a good tune irrespective of its origins. And if you really want inappropriateness, how about Abide With Me which is traditionally sung at the (F A ) Cup Final. Those who take exception to the singing of Swing Low will presumably continue to do so, but I would suggest that they must accept that no offense is intended by it.

Budget 2017

So the Chancellor is increasing the amount of National Insurance contributions that self-employed people pay to bring it into line with what employed people pay, and this is being done in the name of fairness.  But my understanding always was that self-employed people pay lower NI contributions than employed people because there are benefits under the NI scheme to which self-employed people are not entitled.  If a self-employed person is unable to work due to illness, for example, they don't get sick pay.  Am I missing something?

A Hawaiian please.

Are you a pizza fan?  I am, but how do you feel about pineapple?  I ask because there's a story from over the pond about a woman who ordered a pineapple pizza only to find that what was delivered to her was a plain cheese and tomato pizza with a $5 note clipped to the box, on which was written "Couldn't bring myself to put pineapple on it.  That's gross. Sorry."  And from the comments it is obvious that many people agree that pineapple has no place on a pizza - indeed the President of Iceland is on record as saying that he would ban it if he could.  Personally ham and pineapple is certainly one of my favourites - how about you?

Le mot juste

Yesterday's post may have raised a smile - at least I hope it did - but it contained a common misuse of the language.  Snakes are not poisonous - they may be venomous but not poisonous.  Although the two words tend to be used interchangeably there is a subtle but important distinction between them. A poisonous thing is inert - in order to be harmed by it, you have to eat it, or maybe just touch it, but it doesn't have to do anything - just be there. A venomous creature, on the other hand, has to inject you with its venom to do you harm.  So snakes, spiders, wasps, ants and the like, which bite or sting are venomous - OK?

Ha ha

Snake One - Are we poisonous?
Snake Two - I don't know - why?
Snake One - I just bit my lip.

Show me yours and I'll show you mine...

Government coming under pressure to provide guarantees that those EU nationals already living and working here should have the right to continue to do so after we leave the EU.  The Government's response is that they would be content to do that provided that the EU gave similar guarantees regarding British citizens living and working in the EU.  Problem is - and this will become more and more important as we negotiate the terms of our leaving - that the EU cannot really agree to anything unless all its member countries agree, and that is a bit of a bureaucratic nightmare. So, should we take the moral stance, and unilaterally do it anyway?

Ding ding

You learn something every day. While I was in the shop where I found the candle trimmer/snuffer (see last Friday) I was admiring a mantle clock.  The owner (who I know vaguely) approached me.  "Nice clock" I said.  "That's not a clock" he said "it's a timepiece - it doesn't strike".  And so I learned that a clock must have a bell and strike the hours, or better still the quarters.  Otherwise it's just a timepiece.  So there.

Och aye!

I am getting heartily fed-up with Nicola Sturgeon and her almost daily bleats about a second independence referendum up in Scotland.  I appreciate that this is the core of the SNP's raison d'être and she has to keep the bandwagon rolling, else what is she and her party for, but surely she must realise how banging on about it all the time just alienates the rest of the UK - not to mention a fair few Scots I would suggest.  And she should remember that the Scottish Parliament is a devolved body which gets its authority from Westminster.  It therefore can only do what Westminster has said it can do - and independence (even a referendum on the subject) is not on the menu.

Put out the light....

I mentioned a few years ago that occasionally I pop into a local antique/odds and ends shop to see what I can find.  And on a recent visit I found a candle wick trimmer/snuffer.  I would imagine most people wouldn't have a clue what it was for. I still have a packet of candles in my boxroom "just in case" but I also have memories of visits to the family of a friend of my Mum's in Wales before they had mains electricity and relied on candles and oil lamps.  Candles have cotton wicks which draw up the liquid wax by osmosis and burn it off, thus giving out light.  Earlier candle-wicks were made of twisted cotton which stood up straight after burning, smoked a lot and so needed constant trimming with a pair if scissors.  Later wicks were made of braided cotton, which bent over after burning and thus were consumed by their own flame.  And when it came to snuffing them out - well of course, you could lick your fingers and pinch them out. but otherwise you could buy a snuffer.  Now here was a two-in-one.  I had to buy it.

I object!!

Think I'm going to inaugurate an annual Mary Whitehouse award for the most ridiculously trivial offence taken by anybody.  A good frontrunner for the 2017 award is an unnamed student at a Cambridge University college who has taken exception to a beef and mango stew being described on the canteen menu as "Jamaican Stew". His point is that you would never come across this combination in Jamaica.  Well "never" is a word best used with caution, but so what?  I think it is generally accepted that a Swiss Roll has nothing to do with Switzerland, anymore than Baked Alaska has with Alaska.  Does it matter?  Another student described it as a "micro-aggression" by which I assume he or she meant - a minor matter which irritates me. Which brings us back to Mary Whitehouse, who delighted (or so it seemed) in being offended by the trivia of modern life,

Still going strong.

So last June's referendum was supposed to settle the issue - to draw a line which would enable us all to move on.  Ho ho!  Did anybody really believe that?  It seems that nothing has changed,  The remainers (now categorised as "remoaners") are still predicting doom and gloom, and the brexiteers are still assuring us that the future is all sweetness and light.  So what's the reality?  I'm coming to the conclusion that things will probably get somewhat worse before they - hopefully - get better. Certainly prices are definitely on the up.