His soul goes marching on...

We've talked before about Cromwell trying to ban Christmas - medieval bigotry right? Couldn't happen today, right??  Well, not exactly, but pretty close.  The Saudi Arabian authorities have banned any celebration of the New Year - no fireworks, flowers, gifts, anything like that.  Plus ça change and all that.  Way to go, Oliver!

Oh, no, no, no!

As a follow-up to yesterday's post - there is a story, I can't vouch for its truth but it's been around for a good long time - that the original Offences Against the Person Act of 1861, which made all homosexual activity between men unlawful, also did the same for women, but when the draft Act was shown to Queen Victoria, she said she would refuse to sign it unless the references to women were taken out, on the grounds that she refused to believe that women "did that sort of thing".

What a mess!

Alan Turing in the news again (see posts of 12/9/09 and 6/3/12) as a result of him being granted a royal pardon.  Very unusual - I think this is only the fourth time such a pardon has been granted in the last hundred years.  So that's it then - case closed?  Well perhaps not.  Firstly there seems to be some confusion as to whether such a pardon wipes out the original conviction or not.  I thought it did, but the general view seems to be that it does not - he remains a convicted criminal, albeit a pardoned one. And then there is the matter of all the other men who were convicted of homosexual activity back then - what about them? Is Turing being pardoned simply because of his invaluable wartime work, rather than the despicable way he was treated by the law - which of course applied to so many others. Not easy, is it?

Heed the message.

Several versions of "A Christmas Carol" on over the holidays. although unless I missed it, nobody put on the classic 1951 Alistair Sim one.  I think that you can look on Dickens' story in two ways.  The obvious one is a story of redemption - the miser Scrooge becomes the benevolent Scrooge.  But you have to remember that Dickens grew up knowing extreme hardship as a child as a result of his father being imprisoned for debt, so his stories all have an undercurrent of fury against a society where poverty was considered a matter for punishment.  For me, the pivotal line in A Christmas Carol is when the ghost of Christmas Present draws back his robes to reveal two urchins.  "This boy is ignorance" he says "This girl is want. Beware them both...but most of all, beware this boy...".  Today we have a better, more caring society, but, perhaps now more than ever, we still need to beware that boy.

R.I.P.

David Coleman - sports presenter and commentator sans pareil.  My abiding memory is of his commentary when Anne Packer won the 800 metres at the Tokyo Olympics, when he came as close to "losing it" as he ever did.  And that was his talent - he somehow always managed to encapsulate how we were all feeling. 

Waste not, want not.

I have three words for you today - bubble and squeak.

Season's greetings

However you intend to celebrate it, have a happy day.

Christmas trivia

I don't know why I've never thought of this before, but as I was putting up my Christmas tree I thought "why tree?"  I couldn't think of any particular connection between trees and Christmas, but then just the other day it came to me - it's the druids, isn't it?  To them, trees were sacred objects, and the early church, who had this habit of piggy-backing Christian ideas on to local customs, simply picked up on the idea for their own purposes.  It is said that Martin Luther was the first person to light a tree with candles and the Christmas tree tradition here really took off in the Victorian era thanks to Prince Albert. Christmas crackers by the way, seem to be a purely British (and by extension Commonwealth) thing. They originated when a London shopkeeper started selling sweets wrapped in a twist of paper back in the 19th century, and developed from that.

Naughty, naughty!

So you go down your local for a drink or two.  When you've finished, you have to pass the bar on your way out.  If you think about it, do you take your empty glass and put it on the bar as you pass? I've done that and I bet many of you have too. But a pub in France where this happened has been fined on the basis that this amounts to "undeclared labour".  Don't quite understand the logic of it, but the French authorities claim that what was going on was "an infringement of labour laws". Presumably if you hadn't done it, they would have had to employ someone to clear up your empty glasses, so you're denying someone a job, and denying the government the taxes that would flow from that.  Or perhaps it's just a case of officious bureaucracy. 

Tut, tut, M'Lud!

So judges are not allowed to have personal views - or at least not allowed to publicly express them? In a very worrying development, a respected High Court Judge has resigned after being publicly reprimanded by the Lord Chancellor (who, let's not forget, is not himself a judge, nor even a lawyer) for expressing his personal support for traditional marriage in a couple of articles in the press.  There does not seem to be any suggestion that he has allowed his personal views to affect any of his judgments in court.  So just what had he done to be found guilty of "judicial misconduct"? Apparently it was felt that his views - or at least his public expression of them - was ‘incompatible with his judicial responsibilities’.  Which, whether you agree with him or not, I feel you should find extremely worrying.

A straightforward robbery?

Ronnie Biggs  - villain or lovable rogue?  That's the question being asked around the internet following his death the other day.  Not too many of us around now who have clear memories of the "Great Train Robbery", but as one who does, here's my take. He was a villain - simple as that and a pretty small-time one as well. What propelled him into the limelight was not the robbery, but the sentence which the court handed out.  Thirty years - and the probability was that he would have been made to serve the majority of that sentence if not all of it. Rather like the Steven Ward story the other day, there was a general feeling that this was the Establishment taking its revenge rather than any pretence of a proportional punishment, so when he made his escape from Wormwood Scrubs, there was a tendency to think "Go on, my son" and the legend was born.  So his notoriety was more down to society than down to him, although he then certainly made the most of it.

The afternoon is for dozing...

I'm a morning person - that's not to say that I'm terribly productive ante meridiem but more that what doesn't get done in the morning generally doesn't get done at all.   But it appears that I'm in good company - Mozart, Beethoven, Balzac and Dickens were also morning workers it appears.  And there is some (admittedly iffy) research purporting to show that morning people are more successful.  Mind you, these are for the most part people who get up early - around 5.00 most of them.  Now I drag myself out of bed at 6.30 because I have family commitments which require it, but given the chance, I sleep in until more like 8.30-9.00.  So I'm more of a late-morning person. 

Two sides to every coin...

One of the main arguments of those opposing GM crops is that their seeds might contaminate nearby fields with possibly harmful results.  To meet this argument, GM producers have come up with "suicide" or "terminator" seeds, which are designed to be planted, grow, crop and then die off without producing any further seeds.  Good idea?  Well, no, it would seem, because this of course would mean that farmers would be forced to buy new seed every year from the GM producers. So you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't!

Home and away.

So the Ashes have gone back down under.  Let's not be mealy-mouthed - we have been comprehensively outplayed, and the Aussies deserve praise for the way they have pulled themselves together since the summer.  And that's perhaps the one crumb of comfort for England - if you take the year as a whole, the score so far is three-all!

R.I.P.

Joan Fontaine - my first screen sweetheart.

Listen carefully...

Quickly now - who ran the first four-minute mile?  It's a trick question - the immediate reaction is to say Roger Bannister, and he was certainly the first person to run a sub four minute mile, but that wasn't the question.  The first person credited with running a mile in exactly four minutes is Derek Ibbotson in a race in 1958 - and he didn't even win, he came fourth!

Nature v nurture.

A debate that's been going on since - well, forever.  To what extent is what you are the result of being born that way (nature) or to what extent is it down to your upbringing (nurture)?  Well a recent study has suggested that as far as academic success is concerned, nature is more important than nurture.  I don't quite understand the methodology used, but it has something to do with studying the exam results of identical and non-identical twins, and appears to show that genetic factors are twice as important in determining how well you do as environmental factors.  This of course is not what you would expect - the general perceived wisdom is that children with "caring" parents who take an interest in and help them with their schoolwork will do better than those whose parents do not.  The results of this study do to a degree support Boris Johnson's comments about IQ which were the subject of a recent post.

Music Man

Did you know that the well-known Nokia ringtone is actually a snatch of a guitar piece by Francisco Tarrega called Gran Vals?  And if you listen to the last movement of Clementi's sonatina in G, Op 36 No 5 (which I studied at school) you will hear the tune of "A groovy kind of love", the Wine/Bayer Sager hit.

Can't have it both ways!

So it's happened - I posted about it back in July, and now it has come to pass.  The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (note the word Independent) has awarded MPs an 11% pay rise. And this at a time when most workers are suffering and have suffered a pay freeze over several years. This has really put MPs and Ministers on the spot - unless they abolish the IPSA, they cannot stop the pay-rise happening, nor can they refuse it - if they don't want it, all they can do is give it away.  But why create an independent body to set your pay if you are then going to effectively ignore what they come up with?  Sort of defeats the object surely? Perhaps IPSA have done nobody any favours by saying that the rise will not come into effect until after the next election - effectively ensuring that it will become an election issue, with candidates rivalling one another to use it to their advantage. When MPs used to set their own pay, they were seen as feathering their own nests, and now that they have handed the job over to an independent body they are faced with what is bound to be an unpopular result.  What a mess!

Words.

The title I gave to yesterday's post reminded me of something else.  Back in the dim and distant, there were no rules about how you spelled words.  I'm sure you know the story that Shakespeare spelled his own name in several different ways throughout his life.  So... Bethlehem has not always been spelled that way.  One of the other common medieval spellings was "Bethlem" and this was the spelling used when a hospital of that name was founded in the 13th century.  Although originally just a hospital for the sick, it quickly started to specialise in the treatment (if that's the right word) of the mentally ill.  There was little that could be done for them back then, other than to just lock them up and keep them away from the general population.  Those living nearby, or who visited, would have to put up with the constant screams and cries of the unfortunates kept there.  So Bethlem became a byword for uproar and confusion, and over the years morphed into "bedlam" - the word we have today.  Now, isn't that interesting?  Yes it is - be quiet!

On the road to Bethlehem...

Don't you just love these health and safety stories?  Town in Wales is doing a Nativity pageant, involving a young girl playing Mary riding along on a donkey. Aaah, bless!  But wait - the council have decreed that this cannot go ahead unless the girl wears a crash helmet!

You're not online...!!??

As a sort of follow-up to yesterday's post, I am also concerned about the way people who do not have a computer and a printer, or are not connected to the internet, are increasingly being seriously disadvantaged as a result.  They will mostly be people of my generation. which makes it worse, because they may well be those who can ill-afford the cost of kitting themselves out for the online digital age, and learning the new and completely foreign (to them) skills which they will need to cope.  It's a problem which will pretty well disappear as my generation dies out, but for the moment it remains a problem. and nobody seems to be doing anything to address it.  Just remember us oldies!

It's in the post...

The tax disc is to disappear apparently.  I'm not sure that this is such good news. Government (not just the current one) has a pretty lamentable track record when it come to computerised databases, so whereas at the moment, if you are challenged about whether or not you have paid your road tax, you can point to your tax disc as proof that you have, what will happen in the future?  Suppose "computer says no"?  

He's behind you!

Haven't been to a pantomime for yonks - not since the kids were little.  I remember trying to explain pantomime to an American lady that I used to correspond with, and finding it very difficult.  You know the sort of thing - the principal boy is played by a girl, and the Dame is a man in drag, and so on.  But it appears that this is becoming rarer - more and more productions are casting a male principal boy, and doing without a Dame altogether.  It has been suggested that children are becoming more politically correct, but I can't help feeling that the magic is being destroyed.

Lies, damned lies, and...

If you have a statistic that you don't like, there are two approaches to improving matters.  The first - and most obvious - is to take steps to make things better.  The other - more subtle and cynical - is to redefine whatever it is that the statistic is measuring.  The Government have taken this latter approach over "fuel poverty" - a new Act will define it in such a way that some 800,000 people who currently fall into that category, will no longer do so.  Nothing will change except the statistic, which will simply look better!

R.I.P.

Nelson Mandela - the world is somehow smaller today.

Read all about it...

The Daily Express has changed its daily theme from Diana, Princess of Wales (see post dated 8/3/07) to the weather.  It regularly runs front page stories of how we can expect things like heatwaves. hurricanes and floods - always extreme of course. They're sort of "man bites dog" stories.  The latest is that we're in for three months of extremely cold weather and "one of the worst [winters] in history".  So what's the reality?  The Met Office will tell you that forecasting the weather with any degree of accuracy is only possible for 3-5 days in advance, and they would hesitate to even forecast "trends" for more than the next 30 days.  So what are they saying? December will probably be "fairly normal" and for winter as a whole, temperatures are more likely to be below-average than above-average.  So don't get your knickers in a twist!

Steven Ward

He was the "other man" in the Profumo scandal of the early 1960s (see post of 11/3/06).  I well remember at the time that the general feeling - certainly among my family and acquaintances - was that he had been "hung out to dry" by the Establishment of the day, who needed someone to be held responsible for what had happened, and more generally for what was perceived as a widespread breakdown in public morality (this was of course the start of the "swinging sixties").  So Ward, who had introduced Profumo to Christine Keeler was charged with living on immoral earnings, and seeing which way the wind was blowing, chose to take his own life before he could be convicted.  There are moves afoot to have him pardoned, but as with Alan Turing (see post of 6/3/12) the problem is that we are using modern attitudes and views to criticise past decisions.  Thing is - where do you stop?  What about those who were burned at the stake as witches?

The missing link?

So we (humans) are the result of a long-ago mating between a pig and a chimpanzee!  This is the theory put forward by an American geneticist, who says it is the only way of explaining why, although we are clearly of the primate family, we differ fundamentaly from the apes.  So - I'm a cross between a pig and a monkey? Seems very appropriate somehow.

There's always been us and them.

Boris  Johnson - Mayor of London - has fallen into the trap of stating a self-evident truth, but doing so in a (maybe deliberately) insensitive and provocative way.  The subject is intelligence - or more precisely IQ.  He made the obvious point that for the most part, those with a low IQ will struggle to get on, and that inequality is and always has been a fact of life, and envy and greed are (admittedly unpleasant) drivers of the economy.  Could perhaps have put it better, Boris, but the logic is inescapable.

I'll have a pack with the eyeball on please.

Plain packaging for cigarettes - what do you think?  The point is, what seems to be being suggested will not be plain packaging at all, it will have gruesome images on portraying what smoking might do to your health.  And I've a feeling that, as far as kids are concerned, this might prove counter-productive.  You can just hear them, can't you - "Wow, look at this - gross or what?" "No, that's tame - look at THIS one!"  And so on.  It will be a badge of honour to come up with the most shocking picture, and they'll be traded like old fashioned cigarette cards.  Genuine plain packaging would be far more sensible in my opinion.

Formula 1

One of the most boring seasons I can remember - indeed for the first time I couldn't be bothered to make the effort to watch most of the "unsocial hours" races, or indeed some of the others.  So -
Vettel - what is there new to say?  Fast driver in the fastest car.  
Alonso - once again, made the best of what he'd got
Webber - nice bloke, and we shall miss him.  Good luck, mate.

So what, if anything, can be done, or should be done?  This isn't the first time a driver has dominated for season after season.  Schumacher made the early 2000s his own, but never seemed that invincible - perhaps because of refuelling, there were few races where he was able to simply drive away from everybody else, as Vettel has so often done.  So - bring back refuelling?  Safety is the obvious concern. Turn the grid upside-down, so the fastest cars start from the back?  Safety again, plus the fact that qualifying would be in danger of becoming a joke, with the top cars tootling round in third gear as it were, so as to be able to start from the front. Or do we just accept that for the time being it seems the Vettel/Red Bull combination is unbeatable, and go and watch something else instead?

Bigger on the inside...

So Doctor Who is 50 and there's been lots of comment about the series.  As one who has watched it since the beginning, here's my take,  What tends to now be referred to as "Old Who" (1963-1989) seemed to me to be funny/scary, but "New Who" (2005-date) is above all emotional.  There's scarcely an episode of the new series that has not ended with me wiping away a secret tear, or even openly weeping. Maybe that's because my personal life has made me more receptive to sadness, but I think that the writing has quite deliberately made the stories veer more towards the tragic.  I defy you to watch the Van Goch episode with dry eyes, and then there's the one where Rose's father has to die by being run over by a car in order to repair an anomaly in the time/space continuum, and Rose gets to say goodbye to him in that church - this is anything but fun.  And Donna Noble (who in my opinion, albeit by a small margin, is the best of the "companions") stepping out under the wheels of a truck to save the universe.  I have to say- as I've said before - that for me Matt Smith's Doctor doesn't hack it, but that doesn't make the stories any the less sad and downbeat.  What will Peter Capaldi bring?  Watch this space.

Thou shalt not...

So there is to be no smoking in hospital, or anywhere around a hospital.  Patients are not in any way to be helped to smoke - by getting them out of bed and taking them to a smoking area, for example (there won't be any smoking areas, anyway - they will be banned). I've mentioned before that I am an ex-smoker, and well aware from personal experience how difficult it is to kick the habit, and how not being able to have a cigarette when you want one can play on your nerves.  So although I can see the logic, this seems to me to be a case of kicking a man when he's down - those in hospital, or those visiting their loved ones in hospital, are already under stress, and this is just going to make it worse.  You have just been told you have cancer, or someone close to you has cancer, and God, do you need a fag!  Are you to be told you can't have one?  How cruel!

Expect a ******* broken arm!

So the game of cricket plumbs new depths.  The Australians pretty well invented "sledging", but originally it was no more than relatively good-natured banter aimed at disrupting a batsman's concentration, but now it's turned into something decidedly more nasty designed to put a batsman in fear of physical harm.  How long do we let this go on? Because it's not going to stop by itself - it will only stop if players and teams are made to realise that it's not worth it, and that won't be achieved by handing out fines, but by penalising teams where it hurts - by docking runs or wickets.  That's how I see it anyway.

Equality - but on our terms!

Three female RAF recruits have been awarded £100,000 each because they claimed that having to march alongside their male colleagues forced them to over-stride, causing injury to their spines and pelvises.  But if they had been prevented from joining on the grounds that their gender meant that they wouldn't be able parade together with the men, that almost certainly would have been classed as sex discrimination.  You just can't win, can you?

Mince pie, vicar?

So Aldi's mince pies came out top in a blind tasting test, beating those from Selfridge's and  Fortnum & Mason's costing something like eight times as much. Well done!  I've posted before about how good the small "pile 'em high and sell 'em cheap" supermarkets are.  Unfortunately Netto stores have all disappeared, having been taken over by Asda, and for whatever reason, Lidl have decided to close my local branch, but thank goodness Aldi is still there.  I've said it before - their stuff is cheap and I've never had any rubbish.  Power to their elbow!

A step too far?

A local primary school has arranged for their Year 4 and Year 6 pupils (not sure what happened to Year 5) to attend a "workshop on Islam" at a local University. You may think this is a laudable enterprise, or a waste of time, but whether you are in favour or not, I think you would be appalled to learn that the school has written to the parents of the children involved to say that attendance is compulsory (and costs £5 by the way!) and any non-attendance "will result in a Racial Discrimination note being attached to your child's education record, which will remain on this file throughout their school career."  Furthermore, any child claiming to be sick will have to get a GP's certificate in support.  Not surprisingly this has produced cries of outrage from some parents, and apparently the school are rethinking their stance. I should think so too!

Do you remember...?

So yes, I remember where I was when I heard JFK had been assassinated - in fact I remember it well, because I misheard the announcer the first time he broke into whatever programme was on, and thought he said "first reports say the President has been shot in the leg", and thought - well, that's OK then, so it was all the more shocking when, some half an hour later, a second announcement said that the President was dead.  How did I feel?  Devastated.  It's highly debateable whether, had he lived,  he would have fulfilled my hopes and expectations, but I did have hopes.  We were so used to national leaders being old men set in their ways, who seemed to be intent on maintaining the status quo that he came as a breath of fresh air, and anything seemed possible.  And that's what died that day - not just a man but a dream.

Oh, for Heaven's sake!

A school in Edinburgh has a mural in its assembly hall painted back in the 1930s. It is based on the "Alice in Wonderland" story.  It has recently been restored.  In one panel it includes a picture of a golliwog.  A prospective parent spotted this when having a look round the school, and reported it to the police.  The police have logged the matter as a "hate incident".  Words truly fail me.

We have set and met our targets!

What's the point of Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt's latest decree that hospitals must publish monthly details of the numbers of staff on each of their wards, if there is no agreement as to what those numbers should be (see post of 10th August)? Effectively it is being left to individual hospitals to decide for themselves what they consider a safe level of staffing to be, and then publish a monthly return showing that they have met those levels.  Crazy!!

I say, old chap...

Like, I suspect, many a male of my generation, I was brought up on the Biggles books of Captain W E Johns.  And damned good they were too.  But what I've only now found out is that what Captain Johns actually wrote was heavily "sanitised" by his publisher - perhaps with a view to being suitable for a juvenile audience.  So "My God!" (which back then would have scandalised polite society) became "My Gosh!", and Biggles drank lemonade rather than the whisky which was in the original Johns stories.  Johns himself was a WWI pilot in the RFC (which later became the RAF) and therefore knew exactly what he was writing about.  It would be really interesting to be able to read the uncensored versions of the stories. The only puzzle is where the "Captain" came from - there was no such rank in the RFC or RAF - see also my post of 9th July 2009.

Les feuilles mortes.

So once again my local authority have decided that there will be no need for any further collection of garden rubbish until next April.  They do this every year.  I wish somebody would tell the trees, which are still laden with leaves yet to come down.  I can only assume that the council officials who make these decisions are not gardeners!

What next - sprinklers??

In Sweden, there's a hotel made entirely out of ice.  Each summer it melts, and each winter they rebuild it,  But this year, they have been told that in order to get the necessary planning permission, they will have to have smoke alarms fitted! Nice to know that there are bureaucratic barnpots in other countries as well.

Ha ha.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa!

Oh dear, oh dear.

Have been watching Masterchef Professionals and learned to my chagrin that what I have always called kwinowah (quinoa) should be pronounced keenwha. Oh, the shame!

You've been framed... Your Majesty?

At the Royal British Legion Festival of Remembrance at the Royal Albert Hall last Saturday one of the small girls in the poppy girls choir was reduced to tears when her R.N. officer father - whom she believed to be serving in the Seychelles - appeared in the Hall.  Loud applause and many a secret tear in the audience at their reunion.  Anybody else find that creepy and rather disturbing?  These are real people for Heaven's sake - not puppets to be manipulated for our entertainment. And I can't help feeling that, if you were intent on doing that sort of thing, you could scarcely have chosen a more inappropriate time and place - a solemn ceremony in the presence of the Queen??  What next?  Strictly Come Poppying with Bruce Forsyth?

Better late than never? No, not really!

The Americans have an expression "Monday morning quarterback" for those who come up with wise-after-the-event ideas.  I don't want to be seen as such, but I can't help feeling that there is something worrying about the response to the typhoon which struck the Philippines last week.  This was not an earthquake or a volcanic eruption which came out of the blue and caught people by surprise - the existence of this weather system and what was likely to happen to it and its probable track had been known days in advance, so surely we should have been far more ready for it and prepared to move in with assistance at the earliest possible moment.  I find it scandalous that it has taken virtually a week for us to even begin to get our act together.

Music Man

As an addendum to last Sunday's post, for those who don't know, the tune to "I Vow To Thee My Country", which is known in the church hymnal as Thaxted, is in fact a slight re-writing of the middle tune of "Jupiter" from Gustav Holst's suite "The Planets".  Apparently, according to Holst's daughter, he was asked to set the words to music at a time when he was very busy and over-worked, and was mightily relieved when he realised they would nicely fit the "Jupiter" tune.

When is full not full - part 2

This is a continuation of the post of 3rd November.  I think my problem is that I'm being too logical.  We have two statements - (1) all rooms are occupied, and (2) I can create an unoccupied room, and clearly these two statements are mutually exclusive - they cannot both be true.  Either all rooms are occupied, or they're not. So the paradox doesn't make sense on a logical level but, because we are dealing with infinity, it does on a mathematical level, and Hilbert (who was a real person) was a mathematician.  There will always be a "next room" for each occupant to move into, but that room will be occupied, so that occupant will have to move into the next room, which will be occupied, and so that occupant will have to move into the next room, which will be occupied, and so on ad infinitum.  In fact it's worse than that - Hilbert claimed he could not only accommodate one extra guest, he could accommodate an infinite number of extra guests.  How? Well he would ask each guest to move to the room whose number was double that of the room they were in - so 1 would go to 2, 2 would go to 4, 3 would go to 6, 4 would go to 8 and so on. This would free up all the odd-numbered rooms, and as there are an infinite number of odd-numbered rooms, he could accommodate any number of extra guests.  And I don't know about you, but my head hurts!

We will remember them.

The living owe it to those who no longer can speak to tell their story for them
Czeslaw Milosz

Each to his own...

Poetry is often ambiguous - in many cases that is the object of the exercise, to make the reader think and appreciate that there may be more than one way of looking at it.  So the vicar who reads "I Vow To Thee My Country" as "patronising" and "a divine call to kill people" is entitled to his opinion, but should we take any notice?  I imagine most of us know it simply as the hymn set to the music of Holst, and a darned good tune it is too, but read the words (written by Cecil Spring-Rice, the British Ambassador to the US in 1908).  Sure, they're jingoistic, but no more so than "Land Of Hope And Glory" and the third verse, which is rarely heard, makes it clear that the "country" the poet had in mind as the ideal was the Kingdom of God, and I can't see how the vicar can argue with that!

What's in a name?

The other day I was visited by a transparency enhancement facilitator - yes, that's right, the window cleaner came!

This is an ex-torch!

The Winter Olympic torch has taken off in a rocket to go to the International Space Station, where it is due to be taken outside the station for a space walk.  But it won't be lit - doesn't this sort of negate the whole idea of the torch - a torch (in its original definition) is a torch because it burns, surely?  The original flame will remain lit here on earth apparently, but what will go walkies up there will simply be a dead token.  As witnessed by the title, I am reminded of the Monty Python parrot sketch.

Movember.

If you're a bloke, in November you're supposed to grow a moustache.  I did have a moustache period in my thirties, I think it was, but it didn't last long.  What I do remember is it was a bit of a pain when it came to eating and drinking, and this brought to mind that back in the Victorian days there used to be moustache cups - these were tea-cups with a ledge about a third of the way across that had a gap by the rim that allowed you to drink while your moustache rested on the ledge. Brilliant idea.  You may still be able to come across them in antique and bric-a-brac shops.

Ooh, you can't do that!

A small village in Derbyshire has traditionally built a bonfire on waste ground to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night.  Residents say that this has been done for at least the last twenty years with no problem.  But this year, the council have moved in and dismantled the bonfire and cordoned the area off.  I know what you're thinking - health and safety, right?  Well no, not this time - the council say that the bonfire amounts to fly-tipping, and in any event is illegal as no application has been made for a licence to hold such an event!  Where do they find these idiots?

Cluck, cluck.

Did you know that livestock can become naturalised?  There are proposals - by the EU, who else? - that after a period of residence in this country, animals and poultry can be labelled as "British" irrespective of where they originated.  And in some cases the period of residence would be very short - a chicken for example, would become a British chicken after just 28 days living here.  At present there is a legal requirement as far as beef is concerned, and a voluntary arrangement for other meat and poultry, that means that any animal or bird can be traced back to where it was born, reared and slaughtered.  Should we be concerned?  I think we should - the horsemeat business demonstrates how the race to be the cheapest can compromise quality, and those who specifically look for "British" products as a (maybe questionable) guarantee of quality ought to be able to rely on the label, and these proposals will mean that they wouldn't be able to.

The choice is yours

I'm wearing my poppy - November now being well underway (see post dated 30/10/09). but it seems that fewer and fewer people are with every year that passes.  Not that surprising maybe - every year there are fewer and fewer people who remember the last war and none now I think with any meaningful memory of the Great War.  But what is perhaps more worrying is that there seem to be a growing number who are making a conscious decision not to wear a poppy.  Why worrying?  Because the reasons they give for this decision appear to completely misunderstand what the poppy is all about.  Phrases like "glorifies war" and "advocates war" are bandied about, and yet the Royal British Legion whose emblem the poppy is, exists simply to help members of the armed services - past and present - who need financial assistance.  I wear mine to honour those who didn't come back or who came back destroyed, physically or mentally.  You have a right to wear one or not as you choose, but please don't make your decision based on a false premise.

When is full not full?

Hilbert's Grand Hotel has an infinite number of rooms.  Every room is occupied. Along comes someone who would like to stay there.  He can't be accommodated, yes? The hotel is full.  Not so, says Hilbert (the owner).  All I have to do is move the guest in Room 1 to Room 2, the guest in Room 2 to Room 3, the guest in Room 3 to Room 4 and so on.  Because the hotel has an infinite number of rooms, there will always be a "next room" for each guest to move into, and Room 1 is now available for the newcomer.  I have to say I have problems with this, but what do you think? More later.

How much?

The reported figure of £600,000 compensation for Sharon Shoesmith (see post of 11.11.09) may be eye-watering, and will be seen by many as payment for failure, but in my book she was entitled to all she could get.  She was disgracefully hung out to dry by Ed Balls - then Children's Secretary - to save his political skin, and then clearly wrongfully dismissed by Haringey Council, doubtless under pressure from the same man.  This has nothing to do with what happened to poor little Baby P, and everything to do with a cynical politically inspired public crucifixion.  

Is an absolute absolute?

Apparently Italian couples wishing to divorce and unwilling to go through the lengthy procedure required by Italian law are setting up false addresses in this country and filing for divorce here.  The High Court is being asked to annul nearly 200 divorces which have been obtained in this way.  My understanding always was that a decree absolute was inviolable - the problem of course is that the parties to such a decree may have gone on to remarry on the strength of that decree, and where does that leave such a second marriage, and any children which may have ensued?  I was also fascinated to learn that the office of The Queen's Proctor still exists!

I think that I shall never see...

Ash die back is in the news as it's just twelve months since its appearance in this country was confirmed.  There are tales of woe and despair for the trees and for the plant, animal and insect life which could be affected.  Now I'm a townie and claim no particular knowledge of country matters, but as far as I am aware there is no suggestion that this disease is in any way created by man, so isn't it just a matter of nature doing its thing?  And nature has a pretty good track record of sorting things out for the best, so shouldn't we simply let it get on with it?

Whatever next??

Apparently in Belgium pigeon racing is a very popular sport and top racers can change hands for large sums of money.  So perhaps no surprise that the sport appears to have gone the same way as horse racing, cycling and athletics, and birds have been found testing positive for performance enhancing substances.  Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "flying high", doesn't it?

R.I.P

Edna Krabappel.  I didn't know Marcia Wallace who provided the voice, but Mrs Krabappel has been a virtual friend - almost a member of the family - for many a year.  I shall miss her.  Ha!

Turn, turn, turn...

Did you know that all the planets in the solar system bar one rotate on their axis from west to east - so, as here, the sun would appear to rise in the east and set in the west. The odd one out is Venus which rotates the other way, and very slowly at that - a Venusian day is the equivalent of getting on for four months here on earth.

The Music Man

Was listening the other day to a recording I have of the famous Carnegie Hall concert by the Benny Goodman Orchestra, and in particular the performance of "Avalon" by the Quartet.  And I was reminded of the fact that the composers of that song were sued by the publishers of Puccini's opera "Tosca" who claimed that the tune had been lifted from "E lucevan le stelle", one of the major arias from that opera.  If you listen to both you would be hard pressed to see too much similarity - different tempo, different mode, different key but they won and were awarded $25,000 damages - a considerable sum at the time (1920s).  There are of course many instances of tunes which sound similar - unavoidable when you consider that there are a relatively small number of combinations of notes which appeal to the ear, but if you want an example of two melodies which are uncannily similar, listen to "I'll never stop loving you" from the movie "Love me or leave me" and the trio tune from the "Dambusters March".  No suggestion that either was copied from the other, but they are seriously alike - melodically. harmonically, the works.  And another - just a snatch but pretty well identical - "O, peaceful England" from the operetta "Merrie England" at the point where she sings "Sword and buckler by thy side..." and the slow movement of the Bruch Violin Concerto.  Spooky!

What goes round comes round.

Tragic story of a young girl who was killed when the scarf she was wearing got tangled up in the rear axle of a go-kart she was driving.  Ring any bells?  Google "Isadora Duncan".

Who's a naughty boy then?

A five-year-old boy has been expelled from a local primary school for persistent bad behaviour.  His mother says he has "not been given enough support" by the school. There was a time when problem children were sent to special schools which had the resources to deal with them, but the thinking today - and for a good few years past - is that they should be put in with the other children at their local school.  It is possible to see both sides of the argument, but what seems to get overlooked in all the discussion of what is best for them, is what is best for all the other children. A naughty child can disrupt the class and make it difficult for the other children to learn and do their work.  Who was it who said that you should do whatever produced "the greatest good for the greatest number" (Bentham I think) and that's what I think the Head of this school is seeking to achieve by excluding him.  Of course he's a product of our time, isn't he?  See my post of 25.9 08.

It's gorn orff!

Tesco have revealed that something like 50% of their fresh fruit and veg ends up being thrown away - either by them or by those who buy it.  Well - shock horror, fresh fruit and veg goes bad!  Who would have thought it?  The problem, it seems to me - and this doesn't just apply to fresh stuff - is that supermarkets don't really cater for the single eater.  For the most part packaged stuff tends to be aimed at couples or families, so if you're on your own you're often left with a surplus which in many cases ends up in the bin.  Smaller packs would be welcome, and might well help to cut the amount of waste.

The ultimate ploughman's?

Did you see the story the other day of a lorry carrying jars of Branston Pickle which crashed near Cheddar.  Oh, come on, there's got to be a joke in there somewhere!

What's in a word?

I thought the whole point about "free" schools was that they were free - free of local authority control, free to set their own curriculum and free to choose their own teachers - qualified or not.  Nick Clegg it seems is in favour of free schools, but just doesn't want them to be - well....free.  His argument seems to be that without regulation, there is no guarantee that children at such schools will get a good education.  Leaving aside for the moment the fact that being under local authority control is no guarantee of a good education either, parents who send their children to a free school presumably do so in full knowledge of what the school stands for and how it works, and if they are happy with it, why should Clegg or anyone else interfere? Much has been made of this Muslim free school which has been closed down, but what few parents I saw being interviewed seemed quite happy with it, and the argument seemed to have more to do with the strict Islamic dress and behavioural code it imposed rather then the education it was providing.  There are arguments for and against free schools but I don't think you can have it both ways.

Layers.

My God, we have turned into a nation of wimps, haven't we?  The mere suggestion that you might wish to save a little on your energy costs by putting on a sweater has been met with incredulity in some quarters - as though round-the-clock central heating were some sort of basic human right.  Young people today don't know they're born!  In the days before central heating and double glazing you huddled round the fire with as many layers on as necessary.  I can see my Dad now sitting in his chair with his travel rug tucked around his knees and his hands cradling a steaming mug of Bovril.  That's how we coped when it was cold, and we were grateful we had a decent fire to sit round - there were many that didn't.  And when you went out of the room or upstairs you accepted that it would be freezing.  So stick a jumper on and stop moaning!

It's a secret!

As an ex-Civil Servant who had to put up with more than my share of bureaucratic idiocy, I liked the story of the Whitehall office where the milk rota was classified as "restricted".  Been there, seen that, got the T-shirt.

Quick - where's the cleaver?

A severely overweight man was required to book two seats on an aircraft - seemed reasonable to me, except as it transpired the two seats were in different parts of the plane!  I was irresistibly reminded of the story of Solomon and the two women who both claimed to be the mother of the same baby.  But messy but it would solve the problem, wouldn't it?

Racial purity???

"The only people who should play for England are English people" - so says Jack Wilshere, who does in fact play (football) for England.  Oh, weren't things so much simpler back in the days when you were almost certainly born where your parents lived - and probably you grandparents too.  Can you remember when, to be eligible to play cricket for Yorkshire, you had to be born in Yorkshire (though it has to be said that a blind eye was occasionally turned)?  But then people started travelling - so what of an English couple who happen to be abroad when their child is born - is that child English? Common sense would say yes, but take it a step further - suppose that child continues to live and grow up abroad, and marries someone of a similar background, and they have a child.  We have decided that both are English, being born of English parents - though never having set foot here, so what of their child? English??  You see how complicated it gets.  So I think Wilshere has his heart in the right place, but needs to define exactly what he means by "English people".

Be upstanding...

I mentioned the other day that back in the 1950s, before we were married, my wife and I would go to the pictures on a Wednesday, and back then, the programme would end with the playing of the National Anthem and we would all stand - how could you not?  And yet a theatre in Bury St Edmonds, where an RAF band is putting on a concert has told those buying tickets that they must remain seated at all times during the concert - even if the National Anthem is played.  I'm sure I don't need to tell you what they've put forward as their reason, but really...!

Is "may" the hardest word?

Did you see the BBC's Crimewatch programme about the disappearance of Madeleine McCann on Monday?  The police have now suggested that the abduction may have taken place as late as 10.00 p.m., which means that her mother may have been close to coming face to face with the abductor when she went to check on her around that time and found her missing.  And the headline in pretty well every newspaper the following morning?  "Mum missed kidnap by minutes" or something similar.  Note the absence of the word "may" - a possibility has been turned into a certain fact.  Lot of it about.

Dead, Dave...

Weird situation has arisen in the US, where a man who was legally declared dead the best part of 20 years ago has turned up alive and well, but the courts have said that they cannot overturn the original declaration, and therefore, legally, he remains dead.  Couldn't happen here, because under our laws a declaration of death is a "rebuttable presumption", meaning that if new evidence comes to light that the original declaration was wrong, it ceases to have effect.  Of course, going back to the US case, the interesting question is, what would be the position if that man now commits a criminal offence - you can't charge a dead man, can you?

Harvest Festival

Talk about two sides of the same coin!  Three years ago I was posting about the fact that at a Harvest Festival service you were far more likely to see gifts of tinned and packaged food rather than fresh produce, and that some people found that sad. Now today we have a news item saying that, although more people are now growing their own and so more fresh stuff is being donated, churches and schools are finding it difficult to get rid of it, because charities and food banks are refusing to accept it for "hygiene" reasons, whatever those are.  Can't win, can you?

Get 'em off!

How the hell do you "prove" you are gay?  Apparently those seeking asylum in this country on the basis that they are being persecuted in their home country for their sexual orientation. are being asked to do just that.  But how...?  I suppose if you are sexually active and have no shame and a camera, there are possibilities, but other than that?  Answers on a postcard please.

Tick, tock.

As we're coming up to changing the clocks time - and you know how much I hate that - my eye was caught by a news story that Spain are considering moving from Central European Time to Greenwich Mean Time.  If you look at a map of the world, it's pretty obvious that that is where they should be, and apparently they once were, but Franco moved them on to CET in the early 1940s as he wished to align himself - and the country - with Hitler and Germany.  What I hadn't realised is that Portugal has always been on GMT, which must be an ongoing problem for those living either side of the border.  If they do go for the change, and time it to coincide with the end of Summertime, they could get themselves an extra two hours in bed!

Shshhhhhhh!

Just what right do the authorities have to keep what they are doing, supposedly for our safety, from us? We've talked about this before and it's cropped up again in relation to the Guardian newspaper publishing leaked documents about the scope of intelligence gathering both in the US and here.  The Head of MI5 has said that such revelations are damaging to national security and the Deputy PM has pitched in as well.  So - what do we think?  You would hardly imagine that would-be criminals and terrorists are not aware that their communications are potentially being intercepted, so it wouldn't come as any surprise, although perhaps it's the methodology rather than the principle that "they" would prefer remained secret.  I suppose you have to accept that if there are things you want to keep from the bad guys, you have to keep them from all of us.  Sad world, isn't it?

Elephant in the room?

It seems scarcely a day goes by lately without some doom and gloom story about the health service - be it GPs' surgeries, A & E departments or problems in hospitals, and I can't help feeling that our current "sticking plaster" approach cannot go on much longer.  And it's my generation who are mainly causing the problem.  We're living longer, which is nice, but unfortunately many of us are living longer in bad health, which is putting a strain on the aforementioned services.  And all this at a time when public money is scarce.  I've talked about this before, but has the time come (or even passed) when people should be required to take out personal insurance to cover their care in old age?  Is it fair that we oldies automatically look to the working tax-payers to look after us?  And the myth that the National Insurance payments we made while we were working would fund our health care "from cradle to grave" has long since been exposed as a fraud.  It's a big problem which frankly none of the major parties seem to want to confront, and I fear that one day in the not-too-distant future it's going to blow up in our faces. And as somebody staring down the barrel as it were, I am concerned.

Err...what was that??

Was reading a humorous post the other day about mis-heard song lyrics, and it reminded me of the first time my wife and I heard the choral theme music that they play before UEFA Champions League football matches.  I now know that the final words are "the champions", but we both heard it - and indeed, even now knowing what it is,  I can still hear it - as "lasagna".  So UEFA Champions League football is forever known throughout our family as lasagna football.

In that case...

"Case" is a word with a lot of different meanings, one of which is "container" - so we have briefcase, jewel case, suitcase and so on.  In the early days of printing, individual letters were stored in large drawers known as cases and for whatever reason, it became accepted that the capital letters would be kept in the top drawer, and the ordinary ones in the bottom drawer - hence upper-case and lower-case. Now there's interesting!

Simples!

I was a bit surprised to come across a serious article the other day wondering about why buses seem to come in threes.  This is something that has been talked about since I was a lad, and surely the answer is obvious?  How fast a bus can complete its route depends on how many passengers it has to pick up and set down.  Every time it has to stop for these reasons, it loses time.  If several buses are plying the same route, the first one in sequence will pick up the majority of the passengers, which will slow it down, while the following ones will pick up fewer, and therefore catch up with the first and indeed with each other.  It's inevitable, and the further down the route you are, the more likely you are to see a bunch of buses coming along at once.  Seems clear enough to me!

Let's just call it marjoram?

We tend to get a bit insular when it comes to English, don't we?  After all, it's our bloody language isn't it?  How dare those johnny-come-lately Yanks muck it about? And yet every now and again we find that they are at least as much in the right as we are.  "Gotten" for example used to be the past participle of "get" here as there - we changed, they didn't, so who's right?  I was watching a cooking programme the other day when the chef referred to oREGano, and I cringed.  Like most people over here I pronounce it oreGANo, and the American pronunciation grates on the ear. But who's right? And I have to say that if you go back to basics, it derives from the Greek word rigani which they pronounce with the accent on the first syllable - RIGani, so somewhere along the way it picked up an initial "o", but you can certainly argue that the stress should still be on the "reg" syllable, and in Spanish (where it's spelled the same way) that syllable is accented to show that that is where the stress should fall.  Still don't like to hear it, but perhaps it's as valid as our pronunciation.

Ha Ha (??)

Sick I know, but the story of the North African migrants who set their boat alight irresistibly brought to mind the Muir/Norden joke about the Eskimo who lit a fire on his canoe to keep warm and it burned through the bottom and he sank, thus proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too!
Really sorry for making light of what was a tragedy, but I feel better now I've got that out of my system.

Welcome back Nipper?

Interesting to see that HMV, which went into administration earlier this year, has been "rescued" by one of those restructuring companies which specialise in that sort of thing, and has now re-opened it's original Oxford Street store.  I sincerely wish them all the best, but wonder whether there really is much of a market these days for musical recordings in a physical form.  I have a pretty large collection of cassette tapes and CDs which I rarely listen to - and yes, I have some vinyl records too, though no longer any record player.  If I want to listen to music today, I use YouTube or Spotify - they give me access to a far more extensive library than I could ever own myself, and it's quick and easy to find whatever I'm looking for.  So like I say, I see little point in even considering buying recordings these days - but, thinking about it, perhaps HMV are aiming more for the games market, where you do still need a physical disk or cassette.  Mind you, there's a lot of competition there.

Seconds out!

Big row blown up between Ed Milliband and the Daily Mail over an article in the paper which labelled his father "The man who hated Britain".  Milliband has said this is "a lie" and accused the paper of "character assassination" (of his father, and by implication, of him).  So, what are we to make of it all?  Milliband's father was a committed Marxist and his views are a matter of public record.  It's clear he had an intense dislike of the institution of the Monarchy, and of privilege generally and would have welcomed a workers' revolution after the style of the Russian one. But does this justify saying that he "hated" this country?  It is surely just as valid to want to change a country out of love for that country as out of hatred for it.  Given that Milliband has said that his father was an inspiration to him it is clearly perfectly proper, in considering his credentials, to examine what his father believed and stood for, but the headline was intentionally provocative and rather unnecessarily nasty.  So the moral high ground is rather with Milliband, I feel.

8/10 - Good effort!

So Michael Gove (Education Secretary) has clarified this business of pupils retaking their GCSEs over and over again, and, for me at least, has got it spot on.  His ruling is that kids can retake as often as the school is prepared to pay for them to do so, but only their first mark will count towards the school's standing in the league tables. Judgment of Solomon, I think.  Mind you, what he should really do of course, is abolish league tables!

Duck!!

Following a fire on one of them on the Thames, "duck boats" are in the news - so what are they, and why are they so called?  Well, they're amphibious people-carriers, designed back in the War for use in situations where transport over land and water was required.  On land, it ran on six wheels and in water the engine drove a single screw at the rear.  Familiarly known as the "duck" its official designation was DUKW which looks as though it should be an acronym of something, but is in fact just a series of letters describing its function and features. I have to say I'm surprised that there are any still around - my recollection is that they didn't have a particularly good name for reliability back then,

Can't escape.

Oh dear, Strictly Come Dancing is back on and, horror of horrors, one of the BBC Breakfast's presenters is a competitor, which of course means that, like it or not, we shall be treated to news of her progress on a regular basis.  I avoid the programme like the plague but do watch Breakfast in the mornings so I'm stuffed, aren't I?

Uhh???

Interesting question on Reddit (anyone else a fan?) - "if you missed the first 10 minutes, what would be the most confusing movie?"  And that resonated with me, because, before we were married, my wife and I used to go to the pictures after work on a Wednesday.  This was back when cinemas did rolling programmes, so we invariably got there 15 to 20 minutes into the main film, but rarely had any problem in picking up the story.  Then we'd watch the whole programme round again.  But this one time we just couldn't understand what the hell was going on and it wasn't until the second time round when we saw the beginning that it made any sense.  And the film?  The Manchurian Candidate - the original with Frank Sinatra and Laurence Harvey.  So that would be my answer.

Old 'uns the best?

A survey run by Radio Times to find viewers' favourite programmes of the last 60 years has - perhaps not surprisingly - come up with the usual suspects, like Morecambe and Wise, Blue Peter and Only Fools and Horses.  Is this simply nostalgia, or is it just that they don't make 'em like they used to - or are they both in fact the same thing?

Ha ha.

Liked this one I found on the net -
A woman walking down the street comes across a young girl sitting on the kerb, sobbing her heart out.  She sits down next to her and asks what's the matter.
"My dog died" sobs the girl.
Thinking to comfort her, the woman says "Well, look at it this way - your dog is with Jesus now".
The girl looks at her confused and says "What on earth would Jesus want with a dead dog?"

Ed the red.

So what did you make of Ed Milliband's speech to the Labour Party Conference the other day?  It was a good speech - well written and well delivered, but it was just a speech - just words - so what did it tell us?  Well what came across loud and clear to me is that a Milliband government - if there ever is to be such an animal - will be founded solidly on state control.  Back to the principles of nationalisation and five year plans.  Problem is, that approach has not got a good track record.  Mind you, the market forces approach hasn't been that brilliant either.  There must be a happy medium, mustn't there?  If only somebody can find it!

Well, I never!

Did you know that under section 32 of the Salmon Act 1986, it is illegal to "handle salmon in suspicious circumstances"?  The mind boggles!

Paradox?

No, this isn't really a paradox, it's just an unexpected, counter-intuitive  result. So... you travel from A to B (doesn't matter how far it is) at 40 mph and then travel back from B to A at 60 mph.  What is your average speed - 50 mph, yes?  Well, do the maths.  Speed is distance divided by time, so time is distance divided by speed, right?  So time to get there is d (whatever it is) /40 and time to come back is d/60. So total time for the trip (2d) is d/40 + d/60, which is 10d/240 or 5d/120.  Going back to our original statement that speed is distance divided by time, then the speed for the round trip is 2d divided by 5d/120.  We can ignore the "d"s which cancel each other out so the calculation becomes 2 divided by 5/120, which as I'm sure you remember from school is the same as 2 multiplied by 120/5, which is 240/5 which comes out as 48.  So your average speed is in fact 48mph.  No what you expected was it?

Hic!

In a recent post, I mentioned ABV (alcohol by volume) which is the way in which the alcoholic content of drink is expressed in the UK these days.  But it wasn't always so - indeed the legal requirement to use that measurement only goes back to 1980. Prior to that, several means were used, the oldest of which is "degrees proof".  This goes back three hundred or so years, to the days when British sailors were provided with a daily tot of rum as part of their rations.  To ensure that the rum was of the required strength, it would be mixed with gunpowder and set alight. If it didn't burn, it was rejected.  If it did. this was "proof" that it was good to drink. As time went by, the procedure became more structured, and the rule became that degrees proof was obtained by multiplying the alcoholic content by volume by 7/4. So a hundred degrees proof is the equivalent of just over 57% ABV.  The Americans still tend to use degrees proof on their bottles, although they use a similar but slightly different calculation.

Mountains out of molehills?

I am increasingly concerned at the way the media are seeking to make the news rather than simply report it.  I am no supporter of UKIP as previous posts will attest and Godfrey Bloom does seem to be a bit of a political and social dinosaur, but I have to feel sympathy with him over this "sluts" business.  If you examine a transcript of what was said it is clear that the word was used as part of a throw-away remark which was intended to be humorous and, more to the point, was unquestioningly accepted as such by those present.  But the media have got hold of it, blown it out of proportion, lined up people who weren't even there to make hostile negative comments about it, and Nigel Farage who, whatever you think of him is usually sure-footed when it comes to assessing the public mood, has more or less been forced into throwing him to the wolves.  So - media 1, objective facts 0 methinks.

Biff, bash, bosh!

The theory is, apparently, that because flies have such large (proportionately) and complex eyes, they see the world - and in particular any attempt by us to swat them - in slow motion and are thus able to avoid the newspaper, or whatever it is we are trying to duff them with.  You don't seem to get so many flies as you used to, but when I was a kid, they were a continual nuisance and during the summer months most rooms had an old-fashioned fly-paper hanging from the light fitting. The way I was taught was (1) never try to swat a stationary fly - wait until it moves, and then (2) always aim just behind it - the idea being that in an emergency, a fly will take off backwards. Where that came from I don't know, but it did seem to work reasonably well.  Or perhaps I was just faster back then - these days I tend to open the nearest door or window and try to usher the little bugger out with whatever comes to hand.

Ugh!

I got about two-thirds of the way through the first episode of "Peaky Blinders" before I gave up.  And I so wanted to like it.  It's my neck of the woods after all, and my Grandma (no, not that one, the other one) used to tell me stories about the "blinders" she remembered from her youth.  But I found it so utterly depressing - just who was I supposed to relate to?  They were all such nasty pieces of work, I couldn't feel any sort of sympathy or empathy with any of them and I just lost interest.  Shall I try again?  Not sure.

Oh, boy (2)

Yes, we did go wrong, although it's not that easy to see it.  Let's recap - we said that with two children there are four possibilities - BB, BG, GB and GG, and if we know that at least one child is a boy, we can eliminate GG.  So far, so good.  But then we treat the remaining three cases as equally likely - and this is where we go wrong.  If we're going to treat BG and GB as two separate events (boy followed by girl, or girl followed by boy) then we must treat BB as two separate events.  It's easier to see if you give them names - let's say Jim and Fred - so we can have Jim followed by Fred, or Fred followed by Jim.  So we have four possibilities, not three - JF, FJ, BG and GB, of which two satisfy the statement "both are boys" and the probability is therefore 2 in 4, or 1 in 2.  So it's a 50% probability in both cases.

Dead is dead.

I don't know about anybody else, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to understand why killing somebody by gassing them is a war crime, but killing them by shooting them or blowing them up is OK.

Love it or hate it.

I love it - Marmite, that is.  But I'd never really thought about where the name comes from.  It's a French word (and therefore presumably should be pronounced mar-meet) and simply means an earthenware cooking pot - there's a picture of one on the label.  Although invented (if that's the right word) in Germany in the late 19th century, it was first produced commercially in the early 1900s in Burton-on-Trent.  It is of course concentrated brewer's yeast, and Burton was - and to a certain extent still is - a major centre of beer brewing and therefore provided an easy source of the basic material.

Who???

A group of us talking the other day about what we would do if we had a time machine.  It was inevitable that sooner or later someone would say that they would go back to when Hitler was an infant, and kill him - thus avoiding the Second World War and all its associated nastiness.  But assuming that the adult Hitler's non-existence would indeed have prevented WWII, you then have to face the paradox that, if there were no World War II, you would have no reason here in the present to go back in time and kill Hitler!

Oh, boy!

Another of those problems which can drive you mad -
(1) A man has two children.  The elder is a boy.  What's the probability that both are boys?
(2) A women has two children.  At least one is a boy.  What is the probability that both are boys?
      OK, if you have two children, there are four possibilities (B for boy, G for girl) - BB, BG, GB or GG. In case (1) we can eliminate GB and GG, so we're left with two possibilities, both equally likely, and the probability that they are both boys is therefore 1 in 2.  In case (2) the only one we can eliminate is GG, so we have three possibilities, and therefore the probability that both are boys is 1 in 3.  But how can knowing the order of birth make a difference?  The chance of any given child being a boy is 50-50 surely? - well close to, anyway.   Where did we go wrong - did we go wrong?  More to come....

One step forward, or two steps back?

Sir David Attenborough has recently articulated a theory that has been buzzing around in my mind for some time.  It's not a very nice theory, I warn you now.  It goes like this - Darwin's theory of evolution is based upon the "survival of the fittest", but the other side of this coin is the non-survival of the not-fittest.  In other words, for a species to evolve, the fittest must survive, but equally the weakest must die out.  But as far as humankind is concerned, advances in medical science mean that babies who a hundred - maybe even fifty - years ago would have died, are now surviving.  Like I say, it's not a nice thing to think about, but is this trend interfering with what otherwise would be the natural evolution of humanity? Might we stop evolving - maybe even regress to a weaker, more debilitated species? 

How do you spell that?

I expect many of you know the story that Cinderella's "glass slipper" is down to a confusion as the story was passed down over the years between the old French word vair (fur) and the modern French verre (glass).  More recently there have been doubts expressed about this theory, but I rather like it and hope it's true.  But did you know that a similar confusion between two ancient Greek words has given us Pandora's Box, which should by rights be Pandora's Jar?

Oh no - not again!

I occasionally post "couldn't make it up" stories, but at least you would hope that lessons would be learned and you wouldn't get the same sort of idiocy repeated. But remember the story a couple of years ago of the railway station worker who was facing possible disciplinary action for going down onto the track to remove a shopping trolley which could have derailed an oncoming train?  Plus ça change and all that - a disabled woman in a wheelchair fell from a railway station platform on to the track.  A train was due in a matter of minutes.  One of the station workers jumped down and, with the help of other passengers, lifted her and her chair back onto the platform.  You've guessed it - he has been suspended for "failing to follow correct safety procedures" and could be disciplined.  I despair, I really do.

Wait for it...

The Opposition are making the point - quite correctly - that although the indicators are that the economy is on the mend, people are not seeing any improvement in their standard of living.  I think this is down to what I think of as the "supertanker effect".  If you turn the wheel on a supertanker, there will be a significant delay before the ship starts to change course.  If you think back to 2007/8 I think you may well remember that there was this period when the news was full of doom and gloom, and yet you couldn't really understand what all the fuss was about, because as far as you were concerned, life was going on pretty well as normal.  It wasn't until a few months later that you started to feel the pain in your wallet.  Well, now we have the reverse effect - the news is better, but it will probably not be until well into next year that it will percolate down to household level.

Sleight of hand?

If you're trying to convince somebody of something which you can't prove, then one strategy is to take a closely associated subject which you can prove and keep throwing that at them in the hope that the fact that you can prove that will confuse them into thinking that you have proved the other.  This is exactly what the US (and to a lesser extent ourselves) are doing over this business of chemical weapon attacks in Syria.  We are being bombarded with images of people, and in particular children, suffering from the effects of what is probably sarin gas.  But this is the associated subject - nobody is really denying that sarin gas was used and that these people are the victims.  The question of course is who perpetrated the attack?  The US (and to a lesser extent ourselves) would like you to believe that it was the Assad regime who did this, and they may be right  - but where is their proof?  The US Secretary of State keeps saying "we know" this, that and the other, which to me is just code for "you'll have to take my word on this - trust me".  Now let me think - trust what a self-serving politician is telling me....?  Er...No.

Once bitten....?

You may have heard of the building in London which, because of its glass-covered concave shape, is reflecting and concentrating the sun's rays and causing severe scorching at the focal point - apparently it's blistered paintwork, burnt carpet and even fried an egg.  Whoops, you may think - until you find out that the same architect designed a similar building some years ago in Las Vegas, with exactly similar problems.  Talk about learning from past experience??

Missing the point?

The PM was apparently upset by some Kremlin official being reported as saying that Britain is "just a small island that nobody pays attention to".  So he went to some length to list Britain's achievements over the centuries.  But so what, is the obvious response - nobody is denying what Britain has done in the past - even though the PM did at times rather over-egg the pudding.  The question is, what clout do we have in the world today?  And you have to admit, the answer is - not much.   I think we are still seen by some as a sort of "elder statesman" whose views should be listened to politely even if then ignored.  But let's be clear - we are no longer one of the big boys.

Card game.

Earlier this year I read "The Kite Runner" - not my usual sort of thing at all, but one of my grandchildren had to study it for GCSE so thought it might help.  There's a point in the book where the main character and his mate play cards.  And as I read, I thought "I know this game - or at least something very like it".  We used to play it in Germany - National Service.  We called it "Droog", but I've never heard of it since. Anyway my recollection is - standard pack of cards, each player is dealt five.  Next card is turned up to designate trump suit, and the rest form the stock pile.  Player to dealer's left starts. He can play one, three or five cards to the table.  If he plays three, two of them must be a pair.  If he plays five, four must be two pairs or four of a kind. Next player must now try and "kill" as many of the cards played as he can (or wants to).  You can kill a card by playing a higher one of the same suit, or a trump. A card which is killed, and the card that killed it are put to one side and play no further part in the game. Any card which the player is unable (or unwilling) to kill must be picked up and added to his hand.  If either player now has less than five cards (which the first one obviously must have), they must top up their hand to five from the stock pile - if there's any left.  If second player has killed all the cards, he then leads to the next hand by playing one, three or five to the table - if not, the next player in turn leads and and the game proceeds in the same way.  Object is to be first to get rid of all your cards.  We played for money of course - everybody anted into a pot which went to the winner.

Left hand, right hand??

Do I understand this correctly?  On the one hand the Government intend to stop pupils retaking GCSEs over and over again in the hope of improving their grades - I think the rule is that you can have one retake and then that's it.  But on the other hand, the latest Government proposal is that if you don't get at least a C in maths and English at GCSE, you will have to continue studying those subjects and retaking the exams until you do.  Seems a bit contradictory.

Did you get it?

I'm afraid yesterday's post was a bit self-indulgent.  I found it amusing, but I imagine that there will be plenty of you who will have wondered what it was all about.  So - Heisenberg was a German physicist who is best known for his "Uncertainty Principle" which says (among other things) that as far as sub-atomic particles are concerned, you can know their velocity (how fast they are going) or their position (where they are) but not both at the same time.  Now read the joke again.

Ha ha (??)

Heisenberg is out driving when he is pulled over by the police.
"Do you know how fast you were going?" asks the officer.
"No, but I know where I am" replies Heisenberg.
"You were doing 80" says the officer.
"Now I'm lost" says Heisenberg

Book post

(see post of 18/11/06)

Ben Aaronovitch - Rivers of London - 6
Chris Ewan - Safe House - 7
John Grisham - The Associate - 7.5 
James Patterson - Jack & Jill - 7 
Ed McBain - Ax(e) - 7.5
John Grisham - The Confession - 7
Jim Kelly - Death Toll- 6
Lee Child - Tripwire - 8
David Roberts - The More deceived - 6.5
Lisa Gardner - Hide - 9

Explanation.

Talked the other day about irrational numbers (0.999... remember?).  This is one of those words which have a "technical" meaning which is not the same as its everyday meaning.  In normal speech, irrational is used as a synonym for illogical or unreasonable, but in mathematics it has a specialised meaning based on the root word "ratio", which is a rather old-fashioned term for what today we would more likely call a fraction.  So an irrational number is simply one which cannot be expressed as a ratio, a fraction.  So any number which you can't write in the form of a/b (where a and b are integers - whole numbers) is an irrational number.

I can breathe easier today.

Do you feel humiliated as a result of Thursday's vote against taking military action against Syria?  Well, I don't.  I think that for once Parliament - quite possibly for all the wrong reasons - got it right and accurately reflected what the majority of the country felt.  And isn't that what they're supposed to do?  We're well out of it.  If the Americans want to play "white hat, black hat" let them get on with it.  They claim to have the evidence to justify military intervention, but then, they were certain Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, weren't they?

Sense of proportion?

Anybody else think that if bovine TB was spread by rats, or crows, or snakes, nobody would give two hoots about trying to eradicate them.  The fuss about culling badgers is simply because they are seen by some as cuddly, friendly animals (which they are not) and the economic harm they do to the dairy farming industry is conveniently overlooked or underplayed.  I've said it before - Walt Disney has a lot to answer for!

Ding dong

Bishop's Castle is a pretty market town in Shropshire, close to the Welsh border in what is known as the Welsh Marches.  I've been there a few times - my wife had friends in Craven Arms and when we used to visit it was one of the places we would go to.  I can't say I remember the town hall clock but apparently it chimes every quarter-hour and this is now causing a bit of a local ruckus, with the town's main hotel asking that it be silenced during the night as it is disturbing its guests.  Seems reasonable to me, but in places like this tradition is very important, and the locals are queuing up to oppose such a move.  Given that the town depends heavily on tourism I would have thought that that should be the primary consideration - after all, most public chiming clocks are switched off between midnight and dawn.

Missing a trick?

As someone who is well aware than I drink more than is healthy for me, but who enjoys a bottle of wine, I was interested to hear that a couple of well-known wine makers are bringing out a range of 5.5% ABV (alcohol by volume) bottles of.....well, that's the problem - under EU law you can't call it wine unless it's at least 8.5% ABV. Mind you, I haven't tried any, mainly because it costs the same as the real stuff, and if I'm going to pay that price I might as well get maximum bangs for my buck.

Closing down - everything must go!!

"Was £750 - now only £350" - does anybody really take any notice of such adverts? Does anybody really think "Ooh, what a bargain - I can't pass that up!".  I find it difficult to believe, but the fact that the Office of Fair Trading is demanding that six (unnamed) high street stores justify these sort of statements, or stop using them, suggests that there are those who are taken in by them.  Surely the only question is - am I prepared to pay £350 for it (whatever it is).  What it may or may not have been on sale for previously is of no consequence.  This is the here and now.

Do they have an away strip?

We're used to the idea of football teams changing their kit every year as a money-making exercise, but it seems that schools are now getting in on the act. My local primary has advised parents that as from the new school year, their uniform will be changing, and all pupils must turn up in the new uniform or face disciplinary action. And of course it goes without saying that the uniform must be bought from the school's approved supplier, who just happens (surprise, surprise) to be the most expensive shop in town!  What a con!!

Somebody sure seems to have got it in for them.

I'm sorry to come back to the story of the teacher and the young girl who ran away together to France, but I think I must be missing something.  He is now in gaol, she is now 16, and clearly wishes to go on seeing him.  She has not, as far as I have been able to ascertain, been taken into care, and indeed it is difficult to see how there could be grounds for doing so, and yet the local authority have apparently decreed that she should not be allowed to see him until she is 18.  By what authority?? Like I say - am I missing something?

Beware crossing the bridge.

When is a troll not a troll?  I think a distinction can, and should be made between someone who is saying "I know this may upset you, but this is the way I see it.." and someone who is saying "I am saying this because I know it will upset you".  The second is a troll, but what about the first?  I've said before that in my opinion true freedom of speech must necessarily include the right to upset and offend, but where that becomes the primary objective then that is where I feel the line is crossed. Problem is that the line can at times be very vague and indistinct.

Bloody and unbowed.

I like a piece of steak - not that I can afford it that often today with the price of beef being what it is, but when I do have it, I like it rare.  As my wife would say I "like to see the blood following the knife".  But it seems that health inspectors are advising restaurants that they should not serve beef (or duck, or liver or kidney) pink because of the danger of food poisoning.  How have we managed to survive all these years?  What about steak tartare?  What sort of a wimpy, milksop society are we turning in to?  God, take me home - I've had enough of this.

R.I.P.

Marian McPartland - like George Shearing, born in England, went over to the US and made it as a top class jazz pianist.  I've said it before, but thank God for recording technology, which means that, although she is no longer with us, her music lives on.

Got it wrong?

Stonehenge in the news again following a court action taken by one King Arthur Pendragon, a Druid leader to have human remains which were excavated there re-interred.  It is of course less then two months ago that Druids and other assorted types gathered there to celebrate the summer solstice.  Leaving aside for the moment that any connection between Stonehenge and the Druids is tenuous to say the least, it always strikes me that if in fact the site was created as some sort of solar calendar, then they are celebrating the wrong solstice.  Think about it - if you are primitive man, you have experienced the way the days gets longer and warmer and then shorter and colder, but you have no understanding as to whether this pattern will continue - you just hope it will.  So which are you more likely to celebrate - that it's the middle of summer and the days will be getting shorter, or that it's the middle of winter and they will be getting longer?  No-brainer, isn't it? So if the site was in fact used in this way, I am confident that it would be the winter solstice that it would have been used to celebrate. Mind you, it's a bit chilly to be standing around in the middle of a field in December so perhaps that has something to do with the fact that modern Druids choose to gather there in mid-summer.

Aaaargh....!

Pub quiz question the other week - which film actor has died the most times in their movies?  Our team decided that the answer would most probably be someone who had made his name playing "baddies" in horror films - and Vincent Price was the name which sprang to mind. Wrong - but good guess apparently.  Price holds third place, but is beaten by another horror film actor of a previous generation - Bela Lugosi. Both of them however have to give way to John Hurt who has apparently "died" no less than 40 times in his films.

What were the chances?

Well - what a co-incidence!  When I published yesterday's post (which was actually written a few days ago) I did not know about the case of the Guardian journalist's friend who was held for nine hours at Heathrow under the authority of Schedule 7 of the Terrorism Act 2000, but it just goes to show, doesn't it?  What makes that case even more deplorable is that, if I read it right, this man was not seeking to enter the country (which is what Schedule 7 was designed to cover) but was simply passing through - in transit between one flight and another.  I really hope his unfortunate experience results in a fundamental rethink of the law - but I'm not holding my breath.

Big Brother? Meet even Bigger Brother!

If you're a regular reader of this blog (are there any?) you will know that I am critical of the way the police use (or I would say, misuse) their right to search your property and examine your computer, mobile 'phone etc. following your arrest.  But at least they have to arrest you first and (at least in theory) have to have reasonable grounds for suspecting you of having committed some offence in order to do so.  So you can imagine my horror on finding out about Schedule 7 of the Terrorism Act 2000 which gives the same powers to those policing our borders, but without any need for an arrest, or indeed any need for suspicion, reasonable or otherwise, that you are a "wrong 'un".  So you can be searched, your belongings can be searched, your computer and 'phone can be examined and the contents downloaded and copied, all because some border control officer is having a bad day, or doesn't like the way you looked at them, or even just on a random basis. Welcome to Great Britain!

Which is worse?

I wonder which the inhabitants of the sleepy little West Sussex village of Balcombe find the more disturbing - the fact that they have an exploratory drilling site in their back garden as it were, or the fact that the village has been over-run by Rent-A-Mob protesters from outside intent on disrupting said drilling.  Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. 

Ha ha

You probably need to know something about computer programming  to appreciate this one -
                A computer programmer's wife sends him to the corner shop - she tells him to get a loaf of bread, and if they've got any eggs to get half a dozen.  He comes back with six loaves of bread.  "Why have you bought six loaves?" she asks him.  "They had eggs" he replies.

E or not-E?

Electronic cigarettes have been banned on many trains and also in Wetherspoon's pubs it seems.  Well, it was only a matter of time, wasn't it?  Firstly, there are those who object to the idea of people getting pleasure from the ingestion of nicotine, however obtained, and maintain that it must pose a health risk to others, but I think the main problem is that it is difficult to tell - particularly from a distance - whether someone is smoking an e-cigarette or a real one - so do you challenge them and risk making a fool of yourself, or let it go and become complicit in a breach of the law? I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think there needs to be some way of being able to positively identify an e-cigarette and then most of the problem goes away.

Couldn't make it up.

For the benefit of my mate from Mars, a "99" is an ice-cream cone with a chocolate flake stuck in it - very popular. So the story is that an ice-cream kiosk owner in Bognor Regis has been told by the council that he can't sell 99s because this would breach the terms of his lease.  He can sell ordinary ice-cream cones, but not with a flake in them. This is not perhaps as petty as might first appear, as the council have to have regard to the rights of the other shop and kiosk owners in the town and try and establish a balance between what is sold where.  But what makes this a "couldn't make it up" candidate, is that he is allowed within the terms of his lease to sell chocolate flakes - so he can't sell you a 99, but he can sell you a cone of ice-cream, and then separately sell you a flake, which you can then stick in yourself!

More number fun

Just remembered another of my maths teacher's little tricks (he was a really good teacher who always kept us interested).  How to prove that 0.9999... (the dots mean the 9s go on for ever) = 1.

x = 0.9999...

10x = 9.9999...

10x - x = 9.9999... - 0.9999....

9x = 9

x = 1

So there you are - or are you?  You may remember the reductio ad absurdum approach which says that if you come up with an absurd or impossible result, then there must be something wrong with your reasoning.  And the tendency is to say that x cannot be both 0.999... and 1 and therefore there must be something wrong.  But in fact this is just a quirk of the way our number system works - irrational numbers (like 0.999...) don't behave the same as "ordinary" numbers and if you do "ordinary" maths with them you are likely to get apparently weird results.

Is it an advert?

So what's your take on this van with the "In the UK illegally? Go home or face arrest" billboard on the side which has been touring immigrant areas of London. The Advertising Standards Authority (why them of all people?) are considering whether it breaches any laws or regulations, after receiving 60 complaints.  I would have thought that, given the number of people who must have seen it, 60 is a very small number, but there you are.  I find it useful when considering anything of this nature, to turn it round and look at it the other way.  So what are these complainants saying?  If they are saying that the "go home or face arrest" statement is somehow wrong or unacceptable, they are presumably saying that those immigrants who are here illegally should (a) be allowed to stay - i.e. not go home, and (b) not face arrest.  So like I say - what's your take?

It's black or it's white - no greys.

It seems to me that we in this country are undergoing a subtle shift in attitude, moving from an American-inspired "compensation culture" (if something bad happens to me, someone must pay) more towards a "victim culture" (if something bad happens to me, someone must be to blame). Those few voices suggesting that people should take at least some responsibility for their own actions are being shouted down by those who have a mind-set which is not interested in anything other than a simplistic predator-prey relationship.

Who's for Mickey Mouse on the fiver?

Perhaps I live a sheltered life, but I find it hard to understand why anybody would get worked up over whose picture appears - or doesn't - on a banknote.  But if you are such a person, then you would do well to remember Newton's third law - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  If you don't want to get trolled (I understand that's the technical term) then don't provide the ammunition. On the other hand, if you feel strongly about something and make your views public, accept that there will be those who will object to what you say - and maybe won't be too polite about it.