It sez 'ere....

You know the situation - you've gone out for a picnic, and it's a bit on the breezy side, so your paper plates and serviettes are in danger of blowing away. But wait - help is at hand. You have had the foresight to bring a windbreak - just a piece of deckchair-type material stretched between a couple or three poles which you can stick in the ground and then shelter behind from the breeze. There - that's better. Until that is you are approached by a couple of council officials zooming up in a 4x4 who tell you your windbreak is contravening local by-laws and you must take it down or face a possible fine. Sounds a bit like a "Carry-On" film doesn't it? And yet this is exactly what happened to a family on the Clifton Downs at Bristol the other day. The by-law is intended to stop people pitching tents and such, and the council have accepted that their officials were "over zealous" - i.e. stupid. There's a lot of it about though.

When I'm 65.....

There seems to be a failure by successive governments to appreciate that employment requires two parties - an employee and an employer. There has been much concentration over the years on the rights, needs and desires of the employee, but little or no regard for those of the employer. This government now intends to do away with the compulsory retirement age - the mantra being "those who want to continue to work after 65 will now be able to do so". But what if the employer doesn't want them to continue working beyond 65? It's a sad but inevitable fact that as we get older many if not most of us are not as quick - physically or mentally - as we once were. We don't have the ambition and drive that we once had. What we do have is experience, and our employer may be happy to keep us on just for that, but should he or she be forced to continue to employ somebody who is doing no more than just about getting by, simply because for whatever reason they don't feel like retiring just yet?

Mein Gott!

It seems that now Germany, like France before it, is getting all uptight about the way English words are creeping into everyday speech. Mind you, any language that can come up with a word like "Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän" (captain of a Danube steamship company) needs all the help it can get!

Sheer arrogance.

Here we go again - the idiots at Greenpeace closed some (or all, depending on who you listen to) of BP's petrol stations in London yesterday. The executive director has said "This isn't targeted at motorists..." Oh yeh - who the hell do they think uses petrol stations? Another example of the "My views are so important that they override your right to live your life" approach so prevalent today.

R.I.P.

Strange how we like our heroes to be flawed. Alex Higgins was a top class snooker player - but no better than many of his contemporaries - and yet we showered special affection on him because we recognised him as a tortured soul with a Jekyll and Hyde personality. Although it is many years since he last played competitively his death has resonated through the world of snooker, and we feel we've lost a legend.

What is truth - continued.

Speed is not a measurement - speed is a calculation. It is distance (which is a measurement) divided by time (which is a measurement). We have seen (post dated 14/7) that the ball travels further for the observer on the bridge than it does for us on the train. So what about its speed? Either it must have travelled faster, or it must have travelled for longer. One of the most difficult aspects of the Theory of Relativity to get our heads round is the idea that time is relative - that what lasts a second, say, for me may last more or less than a second for somebody else in a different frame of reference. But substitute a beam of light for our ball and this becomes the only explanation, because we know that light travels at the same speed no matter where it is measured from. The beam of light will travel further for the observer on the bridge and therefore must have taken a longer period of time to get from me to you than it did for us on the train. All this has strayed somewhat from our original question - what is truth - and we'll try and get back more on track next time.

Ha ha.

A few one-liners I particularly liked about the difference between the sexes -

A successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting that he will change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the start of a new argument.

The question is....

The question we are to be asked in the forthcoming referendum on voting reform is "Do you want the United Kingdom to adopt the 'alternative vote' system instead of the current 'first past the post' system for electing Members of Parliament to the House of Commons?" I see problems here. Suppose you are a proponent of full proportional representation - how do you vote? AV is nowhere near what you want, but is marginally (but only marginally) more proportional than FPTP. So really you don't want either, so do you abstain - in which case your voice will not be heard nor your wishes taken into account? Which raises the next question - suppose that only say 50% of the electorate bother to vote - which would be quite a good turnout for local elections which are to be held on the same date - where does that leave things? Is there to be a threshold which has to be reached to trigger any change to AV? I can see this referendum not really satisfying anybody.

Walt Disney has a lot to answer for.

Much is often made of the fact that we have a ROYAL Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (and for the protection of birds for that matter) but only a NATIONAL Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children - the inference being that we care more about our animals than our children. Rubbish of course, but we do seem to rather lose our sense of proportion where animals are concerned. Latest example is of a man who was taken to court by the RSPCA for drowning a squirrel which he had caught in his back garden and, although conditionally discharged, has ended up having to pay some £1500 in costs. Despite looking somewhat appealing, squirrel are vermin - "rats with tails" - so how exactly are you supposed to rid yourselves of them? Official line is that you should trap them and then take them to the vet to be humanely put down - at a cost of £30 a pop. See what I mean?

The sound of silence.

Funny how all these witnesses are queueing up to appear before the Iraq Inquiry and give evidence as to how they had their doubts about the legality of or justification for going to war. Where were they at the time, and why didn't they say then what they are saying now? Is it a matter of moral cowardice, or simply being wise after the event?

What if...?

Yesterday was the 66th anniversary of the failed attempt by Claus von Stauffenberg and the other conspirators to assassinate Hitler. Nobody can doubt their courage and equally there is no doubt that they were acting in what they saw as the best interest of Germany. But suppose they had succeeded - what would it have meant for us, the Allies? The immediate assumption is that the death of Hitler would have been a good thing - but would it? There is a school of thought that says that without Hitler, who by that stage was beginning to come apart at the seams, Germany's war effort would have fared much better and they might even have been in a position to negotiate for peace rather than have to unconditionally surrender.

Really...?

Vince Cable has said that the banks are ripping off their customers. Has he just come out of a decades-long deep freeze or something? Talk about stating the obvious! The thing is, what's he going to do about it? That I think will be one of the real tests for this coalition and for Mr Cable in particular. I wish him good fortune.

Which came first...?

So now we know - the chicken came first. Apparently there's some genetic element in the shell of an egg which can only be produced by a pregnant chicken, so there could never have been an egg without a chicken to produce it - or something like that - glad that's cleared up!

Music Man.

It's the Proms season again, so here's a question for you - which composer features at the Proms every year and yet is generally only known for one fairly short work? Answer, Hubert Parry. He of course wrote the music for "Jerusalem" which is part of the traditional Last Night programme. But other than that his music is rarely heard despite a prolific output. He's one of those composers who at one time was considered important, but has slowly fallen out of fashion. But this year he's being given somewhat of a revival, with four of his works on offer. Listen out particularly for his Symphony No 5 and Symphonic Variations and then ask yourself just why this most English of composers is normally so woefully underrepresented.

(London)Derry

My dictionary defines "culture" as good taste, refinement. On that basis it is difficult to see how a place noted for its sectarianism (it even has two names depending on which side of the divide you are on) and where the local pastime appears to be setting cars alight and throwing stones and petrol bombs at police ever got on the list to be considered for city of culture in the first place, let alone won it. And I'm not being partisan - I don't think the words "Birmingham" and "culture" sit together particularly well either.

Book Post.

(see post dated 18/11/06)

Laura Wilson - A Little Death - 8
Tami Hoag - Magic - 6
Ian Rankin - Knots & Crosses - 6.5
Harlan Coben - Deal Breaker - 7
Lee Child - Gone Tomorrow - 9
Rory Clements - Martyr - 9
Alexander McCall Smith - Tea Time for the Traditionally Built - 8
Michael Connelly - The Black Echo - 7
Patricia Cornwell - Scarpetta - 6
Simon Brett - The Torso in the Town - 7.5

St Swithin's Day

Yes, that's today and it's raining on and off round here. And the legend says that the weather will remain like this for the next forty days. What's the story? St Swithin (or Swithun) was a Bishop of the early church and by all accounts a modest man, so although he was a Bishop he asked that when he died he should be buried in an ordinary grave outside the cathedral. His wishes were originally observed, but after a few years it was decided that his remains should be exhumed and reburied in a magnificent tomb inside the cathedral. Legend has it that when this was done (on the 15th July 971) it poured with rain, and continued to do so for weeks after. Hence the rhyme -
St. Swithin's day if thou dost rain
For forty days it will remain
St. Swithin's day if thou be fair
For forty days 'twill rain nae mair.
Like much of weather lore, there is some grain of sense in there. By this point in the year the jet stream has usually established a set position and so we are likely to get a period of settled weather - good or bad. Doesn't always work though - let's hope this year is one of those when it doesn't!

What is truth? - continued.

Here's a little thought experiment- you and I are on a train sitting on opposite sides of the carriage. We've measured the distance between us as two metres. I take a ball and roll it over to you. How far has the ball travelled? Two metres, yes? Now suppose that the train has a glass roof and at the moment I roll the ball to you the train is passing under a bridge, and there is an observer on the bridge looking down at us. What will he (let's assume it's a he) see? He will see the ball leave me and travel across to you. But in the time it takes the ball to get from me to you the train will have moved on, so he will not see the ball travel in a straight line, as you and I do, he will see it move in a diagonal line, and simple geometry tells us that that diagonal line will be more than two metres long. Just how much longer will depend on how fast the train is going but for sure it will be more than two metres. So in our frame of reference on the train the ball has travelled two metres, but in the observer's frame of reference on the bridge it has travelled two metres plus! But if you think that's weird it is as nothing compared with what we find if we ask how fast the ball has travelled - more to come.

World Cup.

Sad to say, I was right about the final - not a match to live in the memory. Full marks in my book to Howard Webb the referee - he could have sent a Dutch player off early in the match, but that would have ruined the game for the spectators, so he contented himself with a yellow card. Would that more referees thought that way. So Spain won and they were probably just about the better team on the night, but for me the team that stood out overall in the competition - though it pains me as an Englishman to say it - were Germany.

Foregone conclusion?

There could really have only been one outcome of the Raoul Moat affair, couldn't there? What was the alternative - a life in prison, because that was what awaited him if he were taken alive? Police talked about "negotiating" with him, but in order to negotiate you have to be in a position to offer something - and what could they have possibly offered him that might have persuaded him to give himself up? It's a tragic story, and I'm sure there are other aspects to be explored - not least that far from being the "loner" he was portrayed as, it appears there were people helping him - but there was only ever one way it was going to end.

Café Mozart - 10 0'clock.

So what do we make of this latest spy scandal? There was some justification during the Cold War for trying to get information on what the other side was doing, but today? The fact that the US has arrested and expelled these people infers that the US are doing things they would rather Russia didn't know about, and I'm sure the same thing applies the other way round. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel less safe rather than more so.

Big Brother...

So now we don't just have static CCTV cameras, we have CCTV cars! It's started in London, but it's only a matter of time before it's rolled out to the rest of the country. Little "Smart" cars are being fitted with CCTV cameras and are being driven round filming drivers purportedly committing traffic offences - in many cases very minor ones. The driver will know nothing about it until the penalty notice arrives in the post some days later. The suspicion of course is that this is more to do with raising revenue for local authorities than with road safety. Being told that you (possibly) did something wrong a few days ago and must now pay a fine as a result is unlikely to change your behaviour - being approached on the spot and politely taken to task is far more likely to have that result, but almost certainly wouldn't garner as much dosh!

World Cup

I am looking forward to the Germany-Uruguay third place final tomorrow - two attack-minded teams who should (provided they still have the motivation) produce an open and exciting match. On the other hand, although I shall watch it, I haven't got the same interest in the final between Holland and Spain. Very skillful sides both, no doubt about it, but on the evidence so far their tactics are to smother the other side and grind out narrow victories, so it has every chance of being a rather boring affair. Hope I'm wrong, but yet again all the entertaining teams have over the course of the competition had to give best to the pragmatic ones - so much for the "beautiful game".

The Lazy Cook

I retired a couple of years before my wife, so during that time I was i/c looking after the house, and from time to time used to prepare the evening meal which more often than not was my "signature dish" which we used to call "pasta splodge". You won't be surprised to learn that this was simplicity itself, and I still make it from time to time, although these days it makes enough to last at least a couple of days. You need -

A packet of mince - I always use turkey mince, but any sort would do.

Half a tin or so of Easy Onions (see post dated 12/12/07).

Some garlic - fresh, frozen (see post 12/12/07 ) or ready crushed in a jar (see post 23/12/09).

A jar of pasta sauce of your choice - I particularly like arrabiata or putanesca.

Pasta - penne, tubes or twirls all work well.

Put a little oil into a fryingpan or wok.

Add the onions and garlic. Fry for about 5 minutes.

While this is doing, put the pasta on to cook as per the instructions on the packet.

Add the mince to the fryingpan/wok- fry until it has all changed to a greyish colour.

Add the pasta sauce and then the pasta.

Turn the heat down and let simmer for 10 minutes or so - you can't really overcook this.

And there you have it.

What is truth? - continued.

For centuries the finest brains on the planet believed that the Earth stood still, and that the sun appeared in the east every morning, travelled across the sky and disappeared in the west at night. Where it went to in the interim was a matter of some conjecture, but what was clear to everyone was that we were stationary, and it was moving. We now look back on those people as ignorant savages, but given the information they had - which amounted to no more than observing the sun as it moved across the sky - it was a perfectly logical conclusion to come to, indeed it was the only possible conclusion they could have come to. It was only when more information came to light (Galileo and all that) that it became clear that there might be other explanations. The main idea underpinning Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity is that everything is in motion, and that therefore there is no "solid ground" from which you can make definitive observations and measurements - all you can do is make observations and measurements from your particular point of view ("frame of reference") and these may be different from those of other people observing or measuring from a different frame of reference. This can lead to some rather unsettling ideas, as we shall see later.

Does prison work?

A question much in the news at present, and of course it all depends on what you mean by "work". Prison works to the extent that while they're banged up, prisoners cannot commit other offences. But if it then simply turns them out better equipped for and more motivated towards a life of crime, then it clearly doesn't. Not for nothing are prisons referred to as "universities of crime". Re-offending rates are horribly high. So it depends on what you are looking for really. doesn't it? I've had my say on this before - in my opinion, prison should be used only where a person presents a positive danger to society, or some member(s) thereof. Otherwise the emphasis should be on restitution and rehabilitation.

Ha ha.

Oxo are bringing out a special edition cube - it's white, with a red cross on each face. They're going to call it Laughing Stock!

Border wars.

Tongue-in-cheek (at least I hope it was tongue-in-cheek) attempt by one of the tabloids to claim Andy Murray as English - until that is he lost, when he went back to being Scottish again.

...and not a drop to drink,

Hard to believe that we are facing a water shortage. I know that memory tends to be selective, but we seem to have gone through a series of very wet years so you would have thought that the reservoirs would have been full to overflowing. Is the problem simply that we don't manage the water that we do have very well?

Mangerial merry-go-round

So Roy Hodgson has picked up the poisoned chalice at Liverpool. Nice bloke - but I think he's going to need a lot of luck!

The mail must go through...

...or not, as the case may be. Royal Mail have warned residents in a street in Paignton, Devon that they cannot guarantee deliveries due to their postmen being attacked by seagulls. Apparently they (the seagulls) are defending their chicks. It was the proud boast of the US Postal Service that "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" Obviously they hadn't come across Devon seagulls!