I'm not telling you where I live!

Have you heard of the Scunthorpe Problem?  No, me neither, although now I do know about it, it's impossible to ignore it.  If you look closely, you will see that Scunthorpe contains a vulgar four-letter word.  And you probably had to look closely, because it doesn't jump out at you, but if you're a computer, and have been programmed with a list of unacceptable words, it's clearly there.  And that's the Scunthorpe Problem - when a computer refuses to accept a name or a place-name because it contains a series of letters which it has been programmed to reject.  Some are obvious - there's a bloke who lives in California who rejoices (if that's the right word) in the surname of Dikshit - but some are more subtle.  Would you reject someone who lives in Clitheroe, for example?  The computer would!

Criss cross

Most people know of the phrase "crossing the rubicon" meaning to take an irrevocable step, and you probably know that it comes from ancient Rome and refers to Julius Caesar and his army crossing the river Rubicon, after which there was no turning back.  But where is the Rubicon?  And the surprising answer is - nobody's sure.  After the fall of Rome, map-making became of less and less importance, and just which river was called what became confused.  So we know roughly where it is. but precisely - no.

Ha ha - I think

I was talking to a university lecturer friend of mine the other day, and asked whether he didn't feel it a bit sexist that they offered a course in "Women's Studies" but not "Men's Studies".  "Oh, we do teach men's studies as well" he said. "It's called History".

Wrong target?

Have you heard about empty Walkers crisps packets being stuffed into post boxes?  It seems that said crisps packets cannot be recycled (although Walkers say this is being remedied) and so those who feel so inclined are making their protest by, as they see it, "posting" the empty packets back to Walkers.  Except of course that it's not really Walkers that are being inconvenienced, so much as the Post Office.

Inevitable?

Well, it's been coming, so I suppose we shouldn't be surprised.  Conwy council have signified that they intend to reduce rubbish bin collections to once a month.  And let's be clear - that's the way it's going generally, and it's just a matter of time before it reaches you and me.  The days of a weekly collection have long since gone - I'm now on fortnightly, and even though I live in my own I find that awkward at times.  In the long run, is the answer bigger bins??

Take a seat??

Anyone who has visited Venice knows that Rule No 1 is - do not sit down in St Mark's Square.  I first visited La Serenissima on a school trip in the early 1950s and remember that was drilled into us.  The reason of course is, then as now, the cafe owners all round the square charge top, top prices for their wares and if you are foolish enough to sit down to enjoy them, the price immediately doubles or trebles.  Only the other day, someone was complaining that they had been charged the best part of £40 for two coffees and two small bottles of water.  But now the city fathers intend to go one better, and charge you €500 for sitting down anywhere in the city other than in "designated" spots.  It's not clear whether this is designed to protect the city's infrastructure - it is of course slowly sinking - or whether it is in some way connected to what is seen as "unacceptable" behaviour by some tourists.  But whatever, think twice before resting your aching feet!

Stone me - again

Funny how, like buses, the same topics keep appearing one after the other - the Greek island of Skianthos, where "Mamma Mia" was filmed - have become so worried about tourists taking pebbles away from the beach as souvenirs that they are considering levying a fine of up to €1000 on anyone caught  taking them out of the country.

R.I.P.

As a one-time pub pianist, I cannot let the death of Chas Hodges (one half of Chas and Dave) pass without comment.  Their high point may have passed but their memory will live on.  Rabbit, rabbit.

Aaarrgghh!

Are you as fed up to the back teeth with Brexit as I am?  What is there to say that hasn't already been said - and there's still six months to go!  

Les mots justes

Funny how often The Simpsons comes up with the right words.  I've just been watching the episode where Ned Flanders is completing a questionnaire and to the question "Marital status" he replies "Happily married to a dead woman".  Oh yes, Ned.  Oh yes.

The wheel turns...

So several of the big energy suppliers are introducing fixed price deals whereby you pay a fixed monthly amount irrespective of how much electricity and gas you use.  Well, plus ça change and all that.  I used to be on something called Staywarm which worked the same way.  It started out in the early 2000s as a government initiative aimed specifically at pensioners and slowly wound down and became more restrictive until it was finally withdrawn in 2013.  It's true that you might have found you could get cheaper deals, but the way I saw it was you were paying for peace of mind - if it dropped cold, you didn't have to think twice before turning the heating up, because you knew it wouldn't cost you any more.  It seemed too good to be true, and in the end, sadly proved to be so.

Stoned again

Remember me telling you about my wife picking up stones from the beach?  Well, visitors to Bodmin Moor have taken to picking up stones and stacking them - no one quite knows why, but the authorities wish they would stop.  Unlike my wife, they're not taking them away, but by moving them, they may be weakening the structure they were part of - a dry stone wall for example.

Decisions, decisions.

On what basis should the State intervene to prevent citizens suffering a bad experience?  Should it be determined by (1) the severity of the experience, (2) the motive behind those causing it, or (3) how often it occurs?  I ask because the Home Secretary has decided that protests outside abortion clinics will not be banned.  Now you may have views for or against this, but what struck me was the basis on which he made his decision, which was that the number of such protests was proportionately small.  I cannot imagine what goes through a woman's mind when she attends such a clinic, but can only think it must be an unpleasant, emotional experience.  I would therefore think that reasons 1 and 2 should take priority.  But what the Home Sec seems to be saying is "Sorry if you were upset, but then, this isn't something which happens very often, so you'll just have to put up with it".  And personally, I don't think that's the right approach.

Did you know...

...that the Cannonball Run actually existed?  Known mainly for the film of that name, it was a genuine illegal road race between New York and California which took place on several occasions in the 1970s. The official record is 32 hours and 51 minutes.

R.I.P.

Dudley Sutton, who played the much loved Tinker Dill in the much loved (and sadly missed) TV series Lovejoy.

Colour blind?

We're used to thinking twice before using the word "black" for fear of being called racist - but "white"?  Apparently the Met consider that potentially racist too.  An officer taking a course has been reported for using the expression "whiter than white" when describing the standard of behaviour expected of a policeman.  Oh, come on - really??

R.I.P.

Fenella Fielding.  Oh, that voice....!

The Bible or the bottle?

In the week immediately following "9/11" alcoholic consumption in New York increased by 25% and attendances at places of worship by a similar amount.  It seems in times of crisis, New Yorkers turn to God or drink in more or less equal measure.

How the other half live...

The daughter of an Indian billionaire is starting university in Scotland.  But not for her some grotty student flat and a diet of spag bol, pot noodle and take-away pizza - her family have brought a property specifically for her, and she will be supported by a house manager, three housekeepers, a gardener, a housemaid, a butler, three footmen, a chef and a chauffeur.  Can't help thinking that she's not going to get the full uni experience!  

Tennis - continued

So who won the US Open women's final?  You see?  This will always be remembered as the match where Serena Williams had a melt-down and lost, and none but the most dedicated statto will be able to dredge up the name of Naomi Osaka, the Japanese winner.  It's not right, it's not fair, but that's the way it is.

Tennis

I have to come clean - I've never had any time for the Williams sisters.  Don't know why - can't point to any particular incident - just don't like them, and am always quietly pleased when they lose.  So given this, how do I feel about Serena's behaviour in losing the US Open final?  More specifically, was she the subject of discrimination?  Had she been a man, would she have been treated in the same way?  And I think the answer to that is - yes, but with a caveat.  Had she been a man, I don't think she would have behaved as she did - her outburst was essentially feminine.  And if you see that as misogynistic, so be it.  John McEnroe apart maybe, I don't think a male player would have reacted like that. So - and remember, you have to take into account that I don't like the woman - I think she was the author of her own misfortune.

Just a thought...

...but now that we have a female Doctor Who, where does that leave River Song?

R.I.P

Liz Fraser - everyone is saying "Carry On" but for me it's "Last Of The Summer Wine".   Remember when Compo dies, and they have to deal with his ferrets? They take them to the mysterious "Reggie" who he used to go and see every Thursday - and who turns out to be a female Reggie.  A role made for and beautifully played by Liz Fraser.

Smarter in September.

Apparently I'm at my intellectual best about now, Research shows that adults over the age of 70 are significantly cleverer at the start of autumn compared with the rest of the year.  Why this should be so is not immediately apparent but such statistics as there are suggest it is true.  So - watch me go!

It was a very good year...

Interesting to discover that the 999 emergency number system is only as old as me.  It started in 1937, my birth year.  This was back in the time when any phone call had to go through the operator and the need for such a system was highlighted when someone tried to alert the authorities to a serious fire but could not contact the operator who was busy with other calls.  Several people died in the fire, and the story got widespread publicity.  999 was chosen as it was relatively easy to dial in the dark on the rotating dial then in use.

The real thing?

Rum and raisin ice-cream - what a treat.  It's been around for years with no problem, so I assume the flavour used is artificial.  Why - well because an ice-cream maker in Derbyshire decided to go back to basics and make his rum and raisin by soaking the raisins in rum.  Result?  Because the resulting ice-cream ends up with slightly more than 0.5% alcohol he has been told that he cannot sell it without a licence, which could cost hundreds of pounds.  So it's back to the drawing board...?

Computer says no...

Worrying story that police in Norfolk intend to use a computer program to decide whether or not cases of burglary should be investigated.  We all know that police forces are under pressure, but the idea that this means that some crimes will be ignored is completely unacceptable, and to think that it will be a computer that makes such a decision is uncomfortable, to say the least.

The Lazy Cook

I claim no credit for this, which I nicked from my daily paper  Really yummy!

Breakfast crumpets

You will need -
Bacon bits - lardons for pref, otherwise bacon slices cut into really small pieces
Eggs
Grated parmesan
Crumpets (I still call then pikelets!)

Fry off the bacon until crispy.  Whisk the eggs in a bowl.  Remove bacon and add to eggs.  Retain bacon fat in pan.  Soak crumpets in mixture (don't just dunk - give them a good soak).  Place crumpets hole-side down (don't know why, but that's what it says) in frying pan and fry on both sides for about two minutes, pressing down with a spatula.  Serve dusted with parmesan.

Daylight saving

Here's a topic which hasn't cropped up for a fair bit, but apparently the EU are seriously considering staying on summer time all the year round.  Question - should we follow suit (irrespective of whether we're in the EU or not)?

Surplus of cream?

We talked about this some two years ago (see 6/10/16) and now we have the strawberry growers seriously suggesting that, if nothing is done, they will be in trouble next year if their seasonal pickers - mostly from Eastern Europe -  cannot get visas to enter  the country.  There's some talk of a robotic picker, but I think the problem is that it destroys as many strawberries as it picks.