10 PRINT "I love my Spectrum": GOTO 10

Last week it was the 30th birthday of the Sinclair Spectrum and lots of people have gone online with their memories of this early home computer which produced a whole generation of amateur programmers.  I go back a little further than that to the ZX81 with its magnificent 1k of RAM - and believe me it took some ingenuity to write any meaningful program within 1k.  Actually there was an even earlier ZX80, but it was the 81 that really got the home computing ball rolling, and the Speccy which brought it to the masses.  Take a bow, Sir Clive.

That which must not be named.

Latest example of the draconian rules relating to the Olympics and sponsorship - the University of Derby put up a few (you would have thought pretty innocuous) banners reading "Supporting the London Olympics" but have been forced to remove them.  And why?  Because, believe it or not, the word "Olympics" can only be used with the permission of LOGOC (the London 2012 Organising Committee) and this wasn't forthcoming.  It's all becoming rather silly, isn't it?

Getting used to failure?

The England football manager's job is often referred to as a poisoned chalice, and certainly many famous names have come to the job with a proven record and yet failed to give England the success their fans crave.  But with Harry Redknapp the curse seems to have struck even before he is appointed - if indeed he ever is.  He became the most popular choice because of his record with Tottenham Hotspur, and yet no sooner had he become the number one candidate than Spurs' form dipped markedly and the Champions League spot which at one time seemed a formality is now anything but.  It has been suggested that the uncertainty about his future is a major factor in this loss of form.  Perhaps it's time to put the man, the team and indeed the country out of their misery!

Plane just landed -- see you in a couple of hours.

Quite a few stories recently about long delays in getting through passport checks at UK airports.  It's not a pleasant experience having to queue up to have the light shone in your eyes when all you're seeking to do is return to your own country, but I've never experienced unacceptable delays, and I cannot understand why there should ever be any.  After all, there can be few procedures which better lend themselves to organised management - what planes are coming in when, from where, and how many people are on board is known well in advance, so where's the problem?  As an ex-civil servant I strongly suspect the problem is the underfunding and undermanning of whatever department or agency carries out the checks.  Of course, another approach would be to look at the scheduling of arrivals, so you don't get a load of people all coming in at once.  So I'm sure the problem is solvable - just as I'm equally sure it will remain unsolved.

Do you mean fresh or UHT?

The Prime Minister and the Chancellor of the Exchequer have been described as "two posh boys who don't know the price of milk" by another MP.  So what does "posh" actually mean?  There's a nice story that back when this country governed India, there were a lot of people going back and forth between the two countries.  No air travel back then of course, so you went by boat, and if you were rich enough, you would want to travel in as much comfort as possible, and in particular to be on the shadier side of the ship to be protected from the heat of the sun once you got into the tropics.  This would be the left-hand side of the ship on the journey out, and the right-hand side coming back.  Left-hand side of a ship is of course the port side, and the right-hand side the starboard side, and the story is that bookings for such people would be marked as "POSH" (Port out, starboard home).  Unfortunately there's no evidence for this - but come to that, there's no evidence that it's not true either, and it's such a good story I always hope that it's right.  These days "posh" tends to be used - as the MP has - as a pejorative word for anybody who speaks nicely and has more money than you.

Enter your destination and your age....

I like this idea of a "granny-nav" as it's being called - the idea being that instead of your sat-nav saying things like "in 500 yards turn right" it will say something more like "turn right just after the post office".  It reminds me of how we used to navigate in my youth - mainly by pubs.  Turn left at The Anchor and then right at The Ring-o-bells, sort of thing.  Problem with using pubs is that - at least in my neck of the woods - pubs are shutting down and being demolished at such a rate that you will need to update your granny-nav every month or so.  But I like the basic idea - much more intuitive and friendly.  I got really cross with a sat-nav in a friend's car I travelled in recently which insisted on continually saying "at the roundabaout take the second exit" when what it really meant, and what would have been far more helpful, was "go straight on".

Nostalgia

The Mexican volcano Mount Popocatepetl is in the news following it's recent eruptions.  I can never hear that name without also hearing the first lines of Frank Muir's, or Dennis Norden's (or was it both?) song - all I can remember are the first couple of lines but it goes like this - to be sung to the tune of "The honeysuckle and the bee" -

I am Mount Popocatepetl, 

You must agree

When I erupt I scatter metal

Over land and sea.....

Anybody know any more?

Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

Another question answered (see post of 13/10/09).  The BBC have decided that "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" is not suitable for modern viewers, and it has therefore been taken off the list of programmes considered for re-runs. Not sure whether that is more of an indictment of the programme or of modern society.  Reminiscent of the fuss about one of the earlier Tintin books which I posted about in 2007.  Surely we are adult enough to be able to read a book or watch a programme while making allowances for when it was written or filmed and the fact that ideas and views may have changed since then.  Hope one of the other "nostalgia" channels picks it up - it was a good sitcom and of course made stars out of Windsor Davies and Don Estelle.

What is there left that is safe to eat?

The Food Standards Agency has published a list of foods which contain high levels of a chemical called acrylamide which they characterise as a "cancer-risk".  Pretty scary, yes?  Well, maybe - until you find that acrylamide occurs naturally as a result of cooking.  In other words, we've all been ingesting acrylamide ever since man invented fire and realised how much nicer food tasted for being roasted, toasted or fried.  So should we be worried?  Please yourself, but I shall not be adjusting my diet as a result, even though crisps feature prominently on the list, and I'm a sucker for them.

Formula One

So once again we have a problem with Bahrain (I'm a poet and don't know it!). Should the Grand Prix there go ahead?  The FIA's stance seems to be that putting on a Grand Prix is no different in essence from a touring theatre company putting on a play, or a circus coming into town and giving a performance. They are simply there to put on a show, and not to make any kind of statement.  The counter-argument is that there is a fundamental difference - the size and scope of the audience means that, like it or not, a Grand Prix is seen as a showcase for the area and indeed for the host nation.  So should the behaviour of the host nation be a determining factor?  After all, we've just held a Grand Prix in China, who are hardly a shining beacon of tolerance and democracy, and I don't recall any major objections being raised to that.  So what makes Bahrain different?  Is it the fact that there is open violence on the streets - nowhere near as much as last year, but still there apparently.  Clearly safety is an issue, but it seems to go further than that - the opposition (always ready with their shovel) are suggesting that British drivers should boycott the race, presumably on some sort of moral grounds, though they aren't spelling out exactly what - it seems they just don't like the regime and how it's acting, and that's sufficient reason.  I'm sure the race will go ahead - it's far too late now to cancel it - but I have no doubt the arguments will go on, and it may well be that in a year's time we'll be having this discussion again.

Missing the point?

Stafford Hospital is to introduce "pound in the slot" mechanisms on their wheelchairs to combat the number that are being stolen.  Can't see the sense - if you're after nicking a wheelchair worth several hundred pounds, you're not going to be put off by the thought of losing a pound, are you?  They are of course using the supermarket trolley system as their model, but this misses the point about what supermarkets are trying to achieve by their use of "coin in the slot".  They're not that bothered by the thought of people stealing their trollies.  No, what they are after is getting people to bring their trollies back to a central collection point (in order to get their pound back), thus saving them having to employ people to go round and collect up trollies which would otherwise end up abandoned all over the place.  If the hospital wants to do something about wheelchair theft, they could more usefully look at another system employed by some supermarkets whereby if you take the trolley outside a designated area, the wheels lock.  Now that would work!

Flat-pack hell.

I can't stand Ikea - not their stuff which is first-class but their shop.  There's one quite close to where I live and the person who designed it had clearly been studying Dante's "Inferno".  The layout is such that you are forced to go all round the shop - which is big - even though you know exactly what you want and where it is.  And then if it's anything of any size, you have to go into the warehouse section and find it on the shelves - and woe betide you if it's high up and heavy, because they'll charge you for getting it down for you.  Then there's the checkouts which are invariably undermanned and slow, and finally you can't wheel your trolley to your car - you have to leave your trolley at the pick-up point (and if you're on your own that risks having your stuff nicked) and go and bring your car to the trolley.  Just about as un-user-friendly as you could imagine.  Like I say, no complaints about their products, but oh, the way they treat their customers!

Silly story?

Worthy of an April 1st item, but apparently quite true - a team in America have come up with a quick fix for potholes - silly putty!  No, really - the stuff will naturally spread out to take the shape of the pothole, and then when traffic drives over it, it will solidify.  It's not being put forward as a long-term solution, but just something which can be deployed quickly and which will last for a few weeks until the section of road can be resurfaced. And then apparently it can be taken up and re-used.  Brilliant!

Bus - what bus??

We've had plenty of fun in the past with stories about council workers painting yellow lines round parked cars and stuff like that, but this one made me smile - after a road in Darlington was resurfaced, the road painters came along and carefully painted in a designated bus stop.  Residents then pointed out that four years ago the local bus service had been rescheduled, and no longer came down this road.  Red faces all round.

A night to remember?

On this, this centenary of the sinking of the "Titanic" a few thoughts.  Of the first-class passengers, slightly over 60% survived.  In the second class, the figure was just over 40%.  Of those in third class, the survival rate was around 25%.  This is usually put forward as an example of "money talks" but in reality it had less to do with who people were and much more to do with where they were situated - those in first class would have had easy access to lifeboats, those in second class rather less so, and those in steerage would have had to find their way up through unfamiliar stairs and corridors to get on deck.  The greatest loss of life in percentage terms was amongst the crew.  Perhaps the most disturbing statistic is that although the lifeboats had a capacity of some 1200, only 700 or so survived - most of the boats were only partially full.    God forbid that any of us should ever find ourselves in such a situation - whether cowards or heroes, remember them in your prayers.

Grand National

Giles Cross pulled up at the 11th - ah well, there's always next year.  And we did have the winner last year.  Yet again, two horses had to be put down.  Very sad.

Back...

...just in time to give you my crazy system's pick for this afternoon's Grand National.  So, it's Giles Cross.  Watch this space.

I'm off....

... for a week with the family in Devon.  Needless to say, the weather looks as if it's taking a turn for the worse, but we will see.

Was that a pothole or a directional instruction?

I have to confess that I've never been able to understand how sat-navs ever got the OK.  When you think about it, there can be nothing more distracting for a driver than having to be constantly looking away from the road to a small screen set in the dashboard.  Yes, very useful, but also very dangerous I would submit.  So not surprising that people are looking for alternatives.  Perhaps the most obvious is a "heads-up" display such as is used in fighter  aircraft , but I imagine that expense is a big consideration there.  A firm in America has come up with the idea of a steering-wheel which vibrates in a clockwise direction to tell you to turn right, and anti-clockwise for left.  Not sure about that, but it's good that some thought is being given to the problem.

Plus ça change...

The Education Secretary has revealed plans to involve universities more in the setting and marking of A-level exam papers.  But this is nothing new.  Back when I took my O and A level exams in the 50s, the papers were administered by the Joint Matriculation Board which as I understood it, was a body run by the Universities of Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds, Sheffield and Birmingham.  Just when it changed and why I don't know but it seems a sensible move to re-establish the connection.

Yet another raid on your pocket?

If you live in Nottingham you may find going to work even more of a pain from this month - the city is the first in the UK to start imposing a tax on businesses which provide more than 10 parking spaces for their employees, and not surprisingly most of the businesses affected will pass on the charge to their workers.  It seems a strange idea - not least because it takes no account of the number of employees a business has.  Obviously ten spaces will be adequate for a firm with ten or less workers, whereas a big company with hundreds of employees will probably not even be able to provide free parking spaces for senior management.  The idea of course is to encourage (force?) people on to public transport.  One member of my family works a shift pattern and occasionally has to start work at 5.00 a.m.  The buses round here don't start running until 5.30.  What are they supposed to do??

Compare and contrast

What about this lad who got drunk and posted offensive comments on Twitter about Fabrice Muamba who had just collapsed on the pitch at White Hart Lane and as far as anybody knew at the time, might well be dead.  He was sent to gaol for eight weeks and has had his appeal against this sentence turned down.  He has also potentially lost his university place as a result.  Fair?  Too harsh? Can't help comparing it with the MP who also got drunk and started a major punch-up in a House of Commons bar.  He got away with a fine.  Is it the Twitter element which makes the difference?  The effects of the MP's actions were restricted to those who were in the bar where it all took place.  The boy's comments on the other hand were potentially disseminated to the world at large.  Another good reason for keeping as far away as possible from social networking sites.

So what changed their minds?

Any e-mail you send can be intercepted and read by the authorities.  Ditto any text message.  They also have the ability to know what internet sites you visit.  So where are we talking about - China?  Syria?? Iran???  Well no, actually, we're talking about here!  The Government intend to introduce legislation which will give GCHQ precisely these powers.  The only saving grace is that in order to do this, they will need to get a warrant - although I can't say that that proviso does much to make me feel easier.  In my experience, official requests for warrants are rarely refused.  What's interesting is that the last Labour government proposed something very similar, and back then the Tories and LibDems violently opposed it.  

German engineering

Francis Maude's reference to a "jerry can" has caused embarrassment to the coalition, and has equally caused some confusion in the public mind.  So just what is a jerry can?  It's a metal container designed in Germany (hence the name) in the last War and can hold 20 litres of liquid.  It has a snap-shut cap and was indeed intended and used back then for carrying fuel.  It is however illegal to use it for that purpose in this country today (at least full up) as the maximum you are allowed to carry in one container is 10 litres.  And the maximum amount you are allowed to store at home in total is 30 litres - in fact you can't store it at home, it must be in a garage or other outbuilding or otherwise at least 6 metres from your house.  Maude's use of the name also carries with it certain overtones of class - to the extent that jerry cans are still around today, they tend to be used by the huntin' shootin' and fishin' fraternity.  The rest of us are more likely to use the plastic 5-litre jobbies.