Trivial pursuits

My daughter-in-law, who is of Indian descent, introduced me to the following entertaining card game, which apparently is much played in the Punjab. The rules are simple, and it's a sort of reverse trick taking game. Best with at least four players. Cards rank as normal - Ace (high) down to two. The entire pack is dealt out - doesn't matter if some players get one card more than others. Whoever has the Ace of Spades starts by playing it. Play proceeds clockwise with each player following suit if they can. If all players follow suit, then the cards played are gathered up and put to one side and take no further part in the game. The player who played the highest card now leads to the next hand. If a player cannot follow suit he/she can play any card they wish, and this immediately stops that hand. The player who played the highest card of the suit led must now pick up the cards that have been played and add them to his/her hand. They then lead to the next hand. The object is not to be the last player left with cards. Any player at any time can ask another player to give them their cards - this is essentially a request, but as the object is to get rid of your cards as soon as possible they would hardly refuse. There may be various reasons why you would want to do this, which would become more apparent the more you play. If a player has played their last card, and it would otherwise be their turn to lead to the next hand, then the player to their left leads. The game is known as "Bhabhi" which is what you call the loser - not quite sure why, because apparently it means "sister-in-law".

Early bloomers?

Am I wrong, or is the British Legion's annual poppy appeal going the same way as Christmas - it seems to be getting earlier and earlier every year? I always start wearing my poppy on November 1st, and my recollection is that this was traditionally when they made their appearance, but this year many people - and particularly those on TV - have already been sporting theirs for a fortnight or so. To me it seems to rather devalue the whole idea.

Constitutional Law 101

Parliament makes law, but rarely concerns itself with the practicalities of how that law is to be put into effect. The power to make regulations under Parliamentary legislation is usually delegated to some person or body. Such regulations are published in a document called a Statutory Instrument (SI), which in theory has to be approved by Parliament. In practice what happens is that the SI is "laid on the table" - which means that it is actually put on a special table in the Palace of Westminster for MPs to have a look at if they wish. And if nobody objects within a certain period of time (normally 40 days), the SI becomes law. In reality, the table is usually smothered with documents, and most MPs don't have the time or the will to sort through them and read them. So very often nobody realises that regulations have been made until after they come into force. A good example is a recent SI made under the Proceeds of Crime Act 2002, which extends the original concept of the Act, which was designed to give the courts power to order the freezing of bank accounts and the seizure of assets of persons convicted of major crime to relatively trivial things like council tax arrears. This seems to have caught many people, including some lawyers and policemen, by surprise, and they are not happy. It would be better if these things were discussed in Parliament rather than sneaked through by SI.

Kindling an interest?

Anybody got one of these e-reader things? I'm an avid reader, but I really can't see myself ever taking to the idea. I like the concept that I would have instant access to a whole library of books without the inconvenience of having to physically go out and get them, but I like the feel of a real book, I like actually turning the pages and when I put my bookmark in, being able to see just how far I've got into the story. I think I would find an electronic gizmo rather soulless by comparison.

Eleven out of ten!!

What an absolutely brilliant idea - a small school in Towcester has no canteen so to provide the children with a hot meal at lunchtime, they take them down the local pub! The kids get a good meal, the pub gets the business (and possibly knock-on business from parents coming there to eat) so everybody wins. It's just too good to be true - and that's the problem - how long before some bureaucratic busybody steps in to stop it on some ground or other?

Say it isn't so.

"Routine armed patrols in London"??? Are we finally giving up our proud boast to having the only unarmed police force in the developed world? Oh P.C.Dixon, where are you when we need you? But then, he got shot, didn't he?

Tick tock.

I heard on the news that there is a campaign to ditch GMT in favour of BST and I thought "Yesss!!". Readers of this blog will know I have a regular moan about all the faff associated with changing the clocks twice a year. But then to my dismay I found that the campaign is not to have BST all year round, but to put the clocks forward in the spring to Double Summer Time - so we would still have to change the damned things! Boo!

Nature abhors a vacuum...

Rightly or wrongly, there are plenty of people who for various reasons are concerned about immigration and multi-culturalism. The main political parties do not seem to want to talk about these things, and so these people gravitate to the BNP - not necessarily because they agree with their policies, but simply because they are the only party willing to talk about the things which are relevant to their everyday lives. So if you want to defeat or marginalise the BNP, the answer's simple, isn't it?

Nowt so queer as folk.

The story of a man in America who may be in trouble with the law for standing in his downstairs kitchen naked making a cup of coffee brought to mind a story which my late father-in-law used to tell. This would have been back in the 60s I think - he was in the Specials and had worked his way up to the rank of Sergeant, and as such often found himself manning the front desk of the local police station. One day this lady came in and rather embarrassedly said she wanted to complain about a neighbour of hers whose bedroom she could see from her bedroom window, and who had the habit of walking round in the morning with nothing on, and she found it upsetting and could the police do anything about it. Dad tried hard not to smile and said he'd see what he could do, and later told a young rookie constable to go round the next morning and look into it. Later the next day the constable came back in with a big grin on his face, and Dad asked him what was so funny. "Well" said the constable "I went round to the lady's house, explained why I was there, and she said - Just in time, he's there now doing it, come and see - so I went up to the bedroom and she pointed out the offending house, and I had a look, but other than a vague shadowy outline of a figure, I couldn't see anything. So I said to her, I can't make anything out, and she said - and this is not a word of a lie - Oh no, if you want to see him, you've got to come over here and stand on this chair!"

More about tapas

Following yesterday's post, the question has been asked as to how tapas originated. The Spanish themselves don't seem to be sure. What is certain is that the verb tapar means to cover, and traditionally tapas were served on a small plate which would be put on top of the glass containing your drink. This may have originated purely as a hygiene thing - to keep out the flies or sand, or there is a story that some Spanish king way back issued a decree that alcohol could only be served to those eating a meal, and tapas were invented as a way of circumventing that. Whatever, it's a glorious custom and although in the more touristy parts of Spain it's become a bit commercialised, there are (or certainly were a few years back) still small bars in out of the way places where you automatically get a pincho of something or other free with your drink.

Hay anchoas?

Tapas - don't you love them? One of my regrets at not travelling abroad any more is that I miss going into a Spanish bar and ordering a drink together with a pincho (couple of mouthfuls) or a ración (decent sized portion) of jamon serrano, patatas bravas, chipirones and so on. You do get tapas bars in this country, but frankly they're not the same - perhaps it's not just the food, but the Spanish climate and laid-back atmosphere that you also need. Apparently in Spain tapas consumption is used as a measure of economic confidence - a bit like champagne is here.

Well, fancy that!

"One in three 11-16 year-olds say they are upset, depressed, angry or stressed most of the time, according to an NSPCC poll". Another example of stating the obvious - the moody stroppy teenager has always been a fact of life. I'm only surprised that the figure is as low as one in three.

Why??

I hope there will be an inquiry into the decision by the police to close a large section of the M5 following an accident in which a car left the motorway and collided with a power pylon. This resulted in motorists being gridlocked for some five hours. It may be that the police action was justified, but at first glance it seems to have been a massive over-reaction. Hence the need for an independent inquiry. There have certainly been suggestions that the police acted as they did simply "because they could", and I would have thought the police themselves would want the full facts brought out for public scrutiny.

Ha ha.

Here's the joke which has been rated as the funniest of all time -

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend has collapsed - I think he's dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Music Man

The recent death of Ian Wallace brought to mind that marvellous pairing of Flanders and Swann, who were responsible for a whole raft of comic songs of the highest quality. I remember going to see their show "At the drop of a hat" in London in the 60s I think it must have been. Even if these names mean nothing to you, I'm sure you've heard of "The Hippopotamus Song" - you know, "Mud, mud, glorious mud"? And then there is "The Gnu Song" with that priceless line - "I'm a gnu, agnother gnu..." But my particular favourite of theirs is "A Transport of Delight" extolling the virtues of "that big six-wheeler scarlet-painted London transport diesel-engined 97-horsepower omnibus." Hold very tight please.

Tweet, tweet.

There's some good in everything you see. I've never been able to understand Twitter, or see why anybody would be bothered to make use of it. But now it appears that the twitterati, as they are called, have struck a blow for the freedom of the press. It seems that, at the behest of a certain company, the courts issued an injunction forbidding the Guardian newspaper from publishing a certain Parliamentary question, or of any details which might be used to identify it. The Guardian instead ran the story of the ban, and apparently within minutes, tweets were appearing identifying the question and the company involved. As a result, the company are not proceeding further with their injunction. What I can't understand is how the injunction came to be issued in the first place - surely the reporting of Parliamentary business is privileged?

Showing too much leg(g)?

I'm sure we're all finding a great deal of amusement - and maybe for some of us, quiet satisfaction - at the way MPs are once again being hounded about their expenses. But has Sir Thomas Legg gone too far? He was asked to consider all claims by MPs for expenses over the last five years "against the rules and standards in force at the time". Those words are crucial, because he quite deliberately and blatantly has not done that. He has ignored the rules and standards in force back when the claims were made, and instead has imposed his own rules and standards and judged the claims against those. It is as though some aspect of your behaviour in the past were being judged, not on whether it was right and proper at the time, but on whether it conforms with the personal views of some individual today. I can well understand MPs taking a dim view of this.

Things ain't what they used to be.

I've been watching re-runs of "Steptoe and Son" on one of those channels which specialise in nostalgia, and the though occurred to me the other day - if somebody came up with the idea for Steptoe and Son today, would anybody dare make it? After all, it breaches just about every aspect of the code of conduct to which modern TV programmes are suppose to adhere. And what about "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" or "Faulty Towers" not to mention "Till Death Us Do Part"? Indeed, could you get away with "Round the Horne" on the radio today? So what's changed? Have we all become more sensitive to others' feelings, or is it simply that those "others" have become more strident in asserting what they consider to be their "rights"? Whatever, they certainly don't make sit-coms like they used to - and I for one think that's a shame.

Global warming?

Interesting (or to use Al Gore's word - inconvenient) fact. Average global temperatures have not in fact increased since 1998.

'Twas ever thus...

I hold no particular brief for Sharon Shoesmith, nor for the social services department of Haringey council but I've seen enough sacrificial lambs go to slaughter to protect the reputations of the great and good to suspect that there may be something in what she is saying.

Quo vadit?

So where should the Staffordshire Saxon treasure end up? At present it is on temporary view at Birmingham's Museum and Art Gallery - simply because they have the facilities. But the treasure dates back to the time of Mercia, well before Birmingham even existed. The administrative capital of Mercia was Tamworth, and the spiritual capital Lichfield, so these two places have a good claim. Of course, at the end of the day, money is going to play a great part in any decision. The finder and landowner are going to have to be paid their rewards - which will almost certainly run into 7 figures - and then it's likely that a purpose-built building will be needed to house the collection and there will be the ongoing question of security. So to be landed with it may prove as much of a curse as a blessing!

Postal strike II.

Two years on and here we are again (see post dated 23/6/07). I cannot understand the postal workers. The business is failing and its only hope of survival is to at the very least retain the customers it has, and how they think going on strike helps towards that end is beyond me. Apparently Amazon are already looking to take their business elsewhere, and I'm sure others will follow. It's like watching a scorpion stinging itself to death.

Everybody off - Cuckooland Central.

I love conspiracy theories, don't you? Here's a good one - the claim is that apparently back around the year 700 AD, the Holy Roman Emperor was one Otto III. He wished to have a special place in history, and decided that whoever was Emperor in the year 1000 would be remembered simply because of that fact. So the theory goes he approached the Pope of the day - Sylvester II - and somehow persuaded him to add 300 years to the date. This wouldn't in fact have been that difficult, because back then very few people knew what the year was anyway. Our history books certainly tell us that Otto III was Emperor at the time of the first millennium - but was he really? The conspiracy theorists further tell us that this explains why we know so little about the so-called Dark Ages - because they didn't in fact exist - they were these missing years! Of course if this is true, that means that this isn't the year 2009 at all, but 1712! Don't you just love it??

Hold the 'phone...

Time was when telephones were used for making telephone calls. They were big chunky things with a rotating dial and attached to the wall by a thick, ropey cord. And so it was for decades - for most of my life in fact. About the only thing that changed was that push buttons took over from rotating dials. And then along came the mobile 'phone - which initially was not that mobile, being about the size and weight of a house brick, so not the sort of thing you wanted to lug about any more than was necessary. But technology was now starting to advance at an incredible rate, and within less than a decade mobiles had shrunk to the kind of size we are used to today. So then came the next question - what else can we use them for? Text messaging was one of the first things, followed by simple games and integrated digital cameras. And today...? What can't you do with them? Me - I'm the old-fashioned sort who just wants to be able to make 'phone calls and send text messages, but my grandchildren do the most amazing things, and it seems they need a new 'phone every year or so just to keep up with the latest developments. Life used to be so much simpler.

Small screen, jerky picture?

There used to be this idea of the "Crown Jewels" - events which were considered to be of such wide national interest that they had to be available on free-to-air television. As far as sport was concerned, this used to include all major sports where an England team was involved. How things have changed. Test matches are now shown exclusively on pay TV, and many football matches involving England have gone the same way. But if you want to watch England's match against Ukraine on Saturday, even if you're prepared to pay, a TV won't do, because it's not being screened on TV at all, but only streamed to computers. So if you haven't got a fast computer - tough! Bring back the Crown Jewels, says I.

Ask the people?

What's your take on referendums (referenda?). On the one hand you could say that it's the nearest we can get to pure democracy - everybody has the chance to have their say - but on the other you can say that we elect a government to take decisions for us and that when for whatever reason it doesn't fancy doing this, throwing matters back at us by way of referendum is an abrogation of its duty. It always strikes me as a rather cowardly sort of "covering our backs" exercise.

Ping...

Referring back to my post of 29/9/09 it's not surprising that sales of metal detectors have soared around here recently. This has brought some criticism from archaeologists and museums who see those using these instruments as little short of vandals plundering the area's historical heritage. A bit harsh, I feel. It's not as though they are in competition with archaeological digs. Nobody had any idea that the Staffordshire treasure trove was there, and if it hadn't been happened upon by a metal detectorist (is there such a word?) it would have remained undiscovered. It is probably better if these sites are carefully excavated by experts where possible, but first they have to be found, and that's where the dedicated amateur with his metal detector comes in.

Ha ha

Saw this one in a magazine in my dentist's waiting room the other day -

For a laugh, a bloke goes into a fortune teller's tent at a fair. "Ah," says the fortune teller, gazing into her crystal ball, "I see you have two children". "So that's what you think?" says the man "actually I'm the father of three." "So that's what you think?" says the fortune teller.

Plus ça change...

So now we've got a Supreme Court - why?? What was wrong with the old Judicial Committee of the House of Lords which has been doing a good job for centuries? I've not seen any cogent reasons put forward for the change, which has all the indications of being yet another example of style over substance.

So...?

Here we have Sarah Brown wheeled out at the Labour Party Conference to tell us what a lovely man and great husband her Gordon is. Am I alone is thinking that this completely misses the point?