'Tis the season....

Merry Christmas everyone.

Apology

When you've got it wrong, own up and say so.  Four years ago, I was scathing about the Bond song "Live and let die" because (as I heard it) it contained the line "...this ever changing world in which we live in..." which of course is grammatically horrible. But now one of my grandchildren has pointed me to a website of lyrics, and it seems the real line is "...this ever changing world in which we're living...".  Is my face red!!

The City of Caves

The city of Nottingham is built on sandstone, which is a soft stone, easily "worked" and so from time immemorial people have burrowed in to it to create caves - to live in, or store stuff in or for shelter and the like.  The caves are now a money-spinning tourist attraction and are protected as "scheduled monuments".  There is documentary evidence that in the Middle Ages some caves were used as tanneries, and in the last war, they came in very handy as air-raid shelters.  You can take a guided tour and learn all about them.

Don't blame me!

Us oldies are once again being pilloried for having done better financially over the last decade or so than the rest of the population.  Well, yes - I'm not going to argue.  In fact I've made the point myself before in these pages.  But I've also made the point that we are at the mercy of the Government.  We can't use uSwitch to find an alternative state pension - 'cause there ain't one.  We're stuck with what we're given - good or bad.  The fact that it's been good - or at least better than average - over the last few years isn't our "fault" any more than the fact that the good times are almost certainly going to come to an end with this Parliament is any sort of punishment.  It's just how things are.

R.I.P.

Fidel Castro - just because I didn't agree with his politics doesn't mean his death should pass without comment.  Apart from anything else. he was the great survivor - he lasted 50 years despite the best attempts of the CIA to assassinate him.  And however bad you might judge his presidency to be, it's worth remembering that he overthrew an arguably even worse one - the Batista regime.  There will be those who will rejoice at his death - there will be those who will grieve, but there will be few on whom it makes no impression at all.

Oi - you!

Please can we stop reporters rudely shouting out stupid questions at those who go in to and come out of addresses in Downing Street?  Do they really think they will get an answer - let alone a newsworthy one? Just what are they looking for?  It's simply bad manners in my book

Sheer stupidity?

Well things are getting really silly.  Despite accepting the idea back in 2011, FIFA are considering punishing England and Scotland for their teams wearing armbands with remembrance poppies on in their recent World Cup qualifying match (see post dated 2nd November).  But that is as nothing compared to their decision to open disciplinary proceedings against the Irish and Welsh football associations in respect of poppies being worn at their recent international matches by - it's scarcely credible - the fans in the stands!!  I don't know what to say, apart from - can they really be serious?

Oooh, my head!!

A survey has found that the most effective cure for a hangover is a full English breakfast - specifically one containing fried eggs.  The science seems to be that eggs contain cysteine, which counteracts acetaldehyde , the chemical produced by the body as it metabolises alcohol, and which is responsible for most of the unpleasant aspects of drinking too much.  It's not a miracle cure - but the survey suggests that it will get you over your hangover faster than just taking painkillers, or simply staying in bed, or going for the "hair of the dog" approach.  Mind you, you should know that the survey was carried out by - wait for it - British Lion Eggs!

You what???!!

I'm sorry, but when I heard the news that President-In-Waiting Donald Trump is proposing that Nigel Farage should be appointed as UK ambassador to the US, I just dissolved into a fit of the giggles.

My aching legs...

Nice to read that shops and town centres are beginning to realise that us crumblies sometimes need somewhere to sit down for a minute and catch our breath, and are looking to provide seats for this purpose. It would be even nicer of I thought that they were doing this out of the goodness of their hearts and in recognition of the problems that come with advancing age, but of course their motivation is purely financial - they want to attract us to said town centres and shops in the hope that we'll spend money there. Still, we must be thankful for small mercies. 

Times are hard...

We're used to the sneaky way some manufacturers reduce their pack sizes as a way of increasing their prices without actually...  well, increasing their prices.  So your bag of sweets, say, may cost you the same price as last week, but if you bother to read the package, you may find that whereas last week it weighed 120g, say, this week it's only 105g.  So I suppose we must give Toblerone some credit for transparency in that they have reduced the amount of chocolate in their bars, but done so by increasing the gaps between the "mountains" thus making it clear what they are doing.  They've still got slagged off for doing it, mind you.

Déjà vu?

So Trump may create a Muslim register?  Problem - how do you identify a Muslim? Easy enough if it's a woman wearing a hijab or a burka, or a man sporting a full flowing beard and dressed in a shalwar kameez, but many Muslims do not adhere to the traditional dress and may not even look obviously foreign.  So here's an idea - why not make them wear an identifying symbol on their clothing - a crescent say. And yellow is a nice colour which stands out.  But hang on - why does that ring a bell....??

Ha ha

Judas - You still on for Friday?
Jesus - Friday?
Judas - Yes, the last supper
Jesus - You what?
Judas - Er... supper, supper, just supper with the lads.

Word of the year.

And the word of this year is apparently "post-truth".  But what the hell does it mean? Well. not to put too fine a point on it, it means lying.  You know the old joke about how can you can tell when a politician is lying - it's when his mouth is moving? And post-truth is essentially political lying.  It's based on the idea that if you say something often enough and loud enough it becomes accepted as true.  But there's more to it than that - firstly it has to be something which people want to believe is true, and secondly, it has to be something which is based on something which is true - or at the very least, not obviously untrue.  A classic example is the constant assertion by the leave campaign in the recent referendum that membership of the EU "costs" the UK £350m a week.  Not sure why we need a new word for something which has been going on for centuries, mind you.

Me no likee...

It seems that "liberal" has become a dirty word.  And this bothers me, because I would certainly classify myself as liberal (small l).  What do I think I mean by that? Well, basically, live and let live. I accept that everyone is an individual with their own likes and dislikes and deserves to be respected as such.  I will not attempt to foist my views on you but equally I will not attempt to stop you speaking out for what you believe in.  But it now seems that this is wrong.  The brexit vote and the election of Donald Trump are both seen as examples of what could be called "anti-liberalism" - people with what might be categorised as extremist views taking over the agenda and sticking up two fingers to the rest of us.  So what do we liberals (I assume I'm not on my own here) do?  Fight back? But then we stop being liberal, don't we?  I'm confused and worried.

Err... you what??

Two headlines on the same webpage of a daily paper -
1. A pint a day keeps the doctor away.  Regular drinking preserves "good cholesterol" levels.
2. Drinking just one pint of beer a day raises the risk of contracting prostrate cancer by more than a fifth.
Talk about conflicting messages!

Ha ha - American style.

A millionaire, a misogynist and a racist walk in to a bar.  And the barman says "What can I get you, Mr Trump?"

Oh dear, oh dear!

What's with Nigel Farage?  Up until now, as far as I am concerned, he's been an amiable buffoon - good for a laugh with some way-out ideas, but essentially good-natured.  But now it seems he's turned into a Donald Trump Mini-Me.  His recent rant against Obama where he described him as "a loathsome individual" was most un-Farage-like.  So the question is - was he always like that beneath the surface, or is he simply seeking to hitch a lift on the Trump wagon?  I sincerely hope it's the latter and only temporary.

OMG!!

So, I've let the dust settle somewhat before blogging about the US presidential election.  Don't think the delay has really helped though - I'm still in shock.  The perceived wisdom is that, as with the brexit vote here, this was the result of a groundswell of opposition to the "establishment" rather than people really voting "for" anything.  There are indeed spooky similarities with the brexit vote, and just as we over here are seeing those who voted leave starting to become disillusioned and annoyed as they realise they may not get what they thought they were voting for, I wonder if the same thing might happen over there as Trunp - as he inevitably must - reins back on some of his more outlandish pronouncements. Have a feeling that there's still some mileage left in this whole business.

Brainteaser - solution.

Most people see this as a logic problem and concentrate on trying to make sense of the three statements, whereas what you need to focus on is - where is the car? 
We know it's in one of the boxes, so -
If it's in box 1, then the statements on boxes 1 and 2 are both true, and as we know only one statement can be true, it can't be in Box 1.
If it's in Box 3, then the statements on both Boxes 2 and 3 are true, so it can't be there.
So it must be in Box 2.  Does this work?  Yes, if that's where it is then the only true statement is the one on Box 3.
As is always the case - easy when you know how.

We will remember them...

Brainteaser

I liked this one, which involves a nice bit of misdirection -
You are presented with three boxes and told that one of them contains a car.  The car is yours if you can work out which box it's in.
Each box has a statement written on it.  You are told that only one of these statements is true,
The statement on Box 1 reads "The car is in this box"
The statement on Box 2 reads "The car is not in this box"
The statement on Box 3 reads "The car is not in Box 1"
Can you work out where the car is?  Solution  tomorrow.

What price privacy?

Difficult to know whether this statement made on behalf of Prince Harry concerning the press coverage of his girlfriend will make things better or worse. I certainly feel ashamed that the media are so desperate to sell more papers or generate more viewers that they are prepared to potentially ruin a relationship to do so.  But then, as has been said before, if we readers and viewers didn't want to read or look at this stuff, they wouldn't bother to publish it, so just who are the "baddies" here? And the other side of the coin is of course the situation which existed back in the 1930s when the rest of the world knew what was going on between Edward and Mrs Simpson, but the press here decided that we should be kept in the dark.  Not straightforward, is it?

You wouldn't believe it, but...

...if you are blind, you can get a TV licence for half price!

Help - I want out!

The recent furore about Brexit has led to the resignation of an MP.  Except that an MP cannot resign. Rules going back to the early 17th century dictate that the only way a sitting MP can lose his or her seat is by death, disqualification or expulsion. Another long-standing rule is that you cannot be an MP if you hold an office of the Crown, so various purely theoretical Crown offices have come into being to enable MPs to apply for them and thus disqualify themselves.  The most famous of these is the Crown Steward and Bailiff of the Three Hundreds of Chiltern - more commonly referred to simply as "the Chiltern Hundreds".

Is there anybody there?

As ye sow, so shall ye reap, goes the old saying.  I've commented several times about the way the office of Lord Chancellor has been devalued and neutered over the last decade, and now the chickens have come home to roost.  One of the Lord Chancellor's prime functions is to protect the independence of the Judiciary, and yet when that independence has been called into question following the recent decision of the High Court concerning the conduct of the Brexit negotiations, where is the Lord Chancellor? Good question!

So, what's next??

Well, we talked about this back on 1st September. and now the courts have decided that the Government does need Parliamentary approval before proceeding with Article 50.  The irony is that those who, pre-referendum, were most vociferous in demanding that we take back our sovereignty are now those most loudly complaining about the fact that the courts have done just that, and affirmed that Parliament is sovereign and cannot be bypassed.  Hoist by your own whotsit??

Should we be sorry?

Apologies are in the news again.  We've spoken before about whether people should apologise - or be asked to apologise - for things in the past which were nothing to do with them directly.  Well, here we have the head of the Catholic church in England apologising for the way unmarried mothers back in the post-war years were pressured by the church into putting their children up for adoption.  But as I see it, it wasn't the church who were applying the pressure so much as society at large. Pregnancy outside marriage was seen back then as shameful by most people - not just churchgoers - and the pressure to put the child up for adoption usually came most strongly from the mother's own family. Adoption societies - whether church run or not - were merely providing the means - and a very important service it was as well. Consider what the situation would have been otherwise.  The Cardinal might well express disquiet at the way unmarried mothers were demonised at the time, and perhaps for the part the church's moral teachings contributed to that, but I think the church's provision of  adoption services was more a necessary concomitant of the time, and things would have been much worse without them.

Nostalgia

Scotland Yard is on the move again it seems.  Funny how the brain makes connections, isn't it?  When I read about the move, the first thing that popped into my head was WHITEHALL 1212, which was the Yard's old telephone number, which you were always told to ring if you had any information to give the police - this was in the days before the 999 system.  Although there is no longer any reason to 'phone Scotland Yard, I understand the number still ends in 1212.

The wheel turns...

The question of the wearing of remembrance poppies on football shirts in international games has raised its head again.  You may wish to refer back to my post of 10th November 2011, which was the last time it hit the headlines.  This time it's even more pertinent because it concerns a match between England and Scotland which will take place on Armistice Day itself - November 11th.  FIFA are still refusing to allow poppies to be displayed on shirts, maintaining, as they did before, that the poppy is a political symbol.  I seem to remember that back in 2011, a compromise was reached whereby players were allowed to wear armbands with the poppy symbol on, so we have a precedent, even though it's one which will probably not fully satisfy anybody.

The last shall be first?

The winner of the Tour de France of course gets great publicity and the opportunity to make a lot of money, but did you know that there is also considerable competition to finish last?  The rider who finishes in last place is known as the Lanterne rouge - the red lantern - and as a result also garners a fair amount of publicity and notoriety. So if you know that you are going to finish well down the field, it's well worth trying for last place!

All depends on the wording...

Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, may well quit the job and return to his native Canada it seems.  This is at least partly because of the criticism he has received over his "doom-laden" predictions in the run-up to the referendum as to what might happen if we voted to leave. Predictions which. according to one daily paper have been "repeatedly proven wrong".  Mind you, later in the same paper's report. it says that many of his gloomy predictions "are yet to materialise". Not quite the same thing?

Karma?

Ten years ago I posted about the Art Gallery in Walsall, which I consider one of the ugliest buildings around these parts.  Well now, as a result of the Council withdrawing, or at best severely restricting its funding, it seems it may have to close.  The contents certainly must be preserved, but I, for one, will shed no tears if the building disappears from view - although the most likely outcome of course is that it will simply be sold on and remain as the eyesore it is.

Ironic or what?

It appears that if Hillary Clinton becomes President of the United States, Bill Clinton, her husband, will take the title of First Gentleman.

Who he??

Remember Leveson?  Possibly not - it's been a few years now since the Lord Justice of that name was appointed as chairman of an inquiry into the behaviour of the press. His report suggested that newspapers should either sign up to a government controlled code of conduct or suffer heavily in costs if they are taken to court as a result of what they publish.  It seems to me that costs are indeed the fundamental problem here - the court costs in a defamation case can be so huge that they become a major determining factor in deciding whether to sue or whether to defend. I have always thought that in such cases the rule should be that each side bears thier own costs, whatever the outcome.  This puts each side in control of their own financial position and prevents one side being able to blackmail the other with the threat of an enormous bill of costs.  It seems to me that the only losers would be the lawyers - and I'm all for that!

Wadja say - part two.

As a follow up to yesterday's post, a misheard word or phrase is called a mondegreen. It most commonly occurs with song lyrics, but has its origin in the misheard line of a poem - the actual line was "...and laid him on the green" which was misheard, as a young girl, by the American writer Sylvia Wright as "...and Lady Mondegreen", and she coined the word mondegreen to describe such mistakes, there being, as she saw it, no suitable word in existence.  The word is now accepted by most of the major dictionaries.

Wadja say??

I think I've mentioned before that I have another string to my bow, internet-wise, in that I make piano arrangements of popular songs of the past and post them online (bottom link on the left).  Well I'm presently working on "The poor people of Paris" which, as a title, has a rather strange history.  It started life as a French song "La goualante de pauvre Jean" - the ballade of poor John - but when an American songwriter came to give it English lyrics, he misheard "pauvre Jean" as "pauvre gens" (poor people) and that's how it came to be "The poor people of Paris".

R.I.P.

Jimmy Perry.  When would-be writers ask for advice, the most common thing they are told is "write about what you know".  Well it certainly worked for Jimmy Perry. who used his experiences in the Home Guard, in the Army in Burma, and as a red-coat at Butlin's to come up with three of the most loved, most successful sit-coms ever - Dad's Army, It Ain't Half Hot Mum and Hi-De-Hi.  And from what you can gather from those who knew him, he was a thoroughly nice bloke.  Once again, thanks to the nostalgia channels, his genius lives on.

Anything you can do...

In the 1950s an Italian tractor manufacturer went to Modena to talk to Enzio Ferrari, head of the famous car company.  He explained that he had owned several Ferraris, and although in general he found them attractive cars, he thought their clutches were sub-standard and he found the company's after-sales service left much to be desired. Ferrari, who was well-known as a proud man with a short temper, refused to listen to him and had him effectively thrown out.  So the tractor manufacturer decided to expand and start making cars himself.  And his name?  Ferruccio Lamborghini.

Ha ha.

Here's a wicked little one liner -
  - What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
  - About half-way

What's in a name?

Back in the Middle Ages, in what is now referred to as the Caribbean, there was a island called San Juan, the capital of which was the town of Puerto Rico.  But in the middle of the 16th century, a map maker confused the name of the island with the name of its capital. and his mistake has never been corrected, so today we have the island of Puerto Rico with its capital San Juan.

Today I learned...

...that there is a legal requirement (canon law) for parish churches to hold morning and evening services on a Sunday.  In view of falling attendances and rising costs, the Church is currently looking at relaxing this rule, at least for "struggling rural parishes". Signs of the times??

Serendipity?

Yesterday's post concerned wine, and a few days ago I was talking about the British love of tea, so how about this - in India they've come up with wine made out of tea leaves!  Not surprisingly, they are planning on marketing it over here.  The idea is not in fact entirely new - I remember back in the 50s and 60s there was a lot of interest in home wine-making and all sorts of ingredients were suggested - parsnip, elderflower, various fruits, and including, as I recall, using the dregs from your tea-pot!

Salute!

Have you heard about the drinking fountain in the Italian town of Abruzzo which now dispenses red wine 24/7?  All I can say is - wow!!

This land is my land...

I own my home and the land it's built on - it's freehold, in legal jargon.  But do I own it?  Well, no, strictly I don't - it belongs, as does all the land in the United Kingdom, to the Queen.  The concept goes back to feudal times, but is still operational.  And it doesn't stop there  The Queen is also Queen of Australia, and therefore strictly speaking owns all of the land there.  And then, she's also Queen of Canada, New Zealand and various other Commonwealth countries.  In fact. she owns a hell of a lot of land - it's been estimated that she owns some 17% of all the land on earth.  I think the next biggest landowner is the King of Saudi Arabia followed by various other Middle Eastern rulers.  Of course her ownership is purely technical these days, but it's worth remembering...

I'm in the pink.

You may remeber the post about the colour orange (see 1/3/14) and that the name of the colour derived from the name of the fruit, rather than vice-versa.  Well it seems pink has the same sort of etymology - the colour pink gets its name from the flower of the dianthus family called a pink.

Members of the jury...

Where do you stand on this Ched Evans business?  To recap  - he is a professional footballer who, back in 2012 was convicted of rape and sentenced to five years in prison.  Having served half his sentence, and having kept his nose clean, he was released in 2014.  Meanwhile he had appealed against his conviction, and the Court of Appeal in April of this year quashed the conviction and ordered a new trial.  This has now taken place and resulted in his acquittal, mainly it would seem as a result of the previous sexual history of the girl he is accused of raping being given in court - which it wasn't at the original trial.  This has been condemned by various women's groups who say it may deter rape victims coming forward in the future.  So, should it have been allowed?  It isn't normally, but the circumstances here were considered exceptional enough to warrant relaxing the rule on this occasion. So, where do you stand? I fear I may be seen as simply a bloke siding with a bloke, but the way I see it is that, if it had not been for this new evidence being allowed, chances are he would have been found guilty again - as he was at the original trial.  So, what it comes down to is which is more important - that the girl's previous sexual behaviour should remain secret, or that the defendant should get a fair trial with a just verdict?

What do you fancy tonight?

I was aware that chicken tikka masala, although a staple of Indian cuisine here, does not exist in India itself - it is a purely British invention (Glasgow is usually cited as its birthplace), but I now learn, thanks to Italian chef Antonio Carluccio that spaghetti bolognese - the archetypal Italian dish - would equally not be seen on a menu in Italy. A pasta dish with bolognese sauce would traditionally be made with tagliatelle, never spaghetti. So you may feel cosmopolitan eating Indian or Italian but in fact you may just be eating British!

Love it or hate it...

Marmite of course.  People are up in arms because Unilever. who own Marmite, among many other products, intend to increase their prices to supermarkets and other outlets as a result of the value of the pound falling against the dollar.  Now there's no doubt that a weak pound will mean higher costs for imported goods and that. to a greater or lesser extent, this will be passed on to the consumer, but what I can't understand is that Marmite may well be owned by Unilever, but it's made up the road in Burton-on-Trent, so how has the cost of manufacture been affected by the exchange rate?

A nice cuppa...

We Brits like our tea.  Even today, when coffee us so prevalent, but even more so back in the 1930s and 40s.  Indeed, so important to the country's well-being was tea seen to be, that in the immediate run-up to the Second World War the government spent a large amount of money in purchasing all the tea stocks in the world so we wouldn't run out.  Of course, having bought them, they then had the problem of getting them to this country, and once the German U-boats starting wreaking havoc on our convoys tea had to be put on ration - 2oz per person per week.  And in fact it remained on ration until 1952.  I have vague memories of my Gran coming up with ingenious ways of making the tea ration stretch out as much as possible - we had a sort of precursor of the tea-bag - an small oval metal thing with holes in into which you put your tea and then dunked it in the teapot several times until you got the right strength.  And by adding more leaves you could keep it going for several days, until it just became too stewed and you were forced to throw it away and start again.  I'm more of a coffee drinker now, but I still enjoy a nice cup of tea,

What price privacy?

God knows I hold no brief for Donald Trump, but clearly what was said on that bus all those years ago was meant to be a private conversation.  So the question arises - (1) who recorded it and why? And (2) who put that recording into the public domain, and why?  Perhaps the second question is more easily answered, but the first is more crucial.  Was this yet another case of somebody being caught out by an open microphone, or was this a case of a private conversation being deliberately secretly recorded?  As I've said before, does this mean I need to sweep my house for hidden bugs before having friends round for a chat?

Ugh!

What a totally depressing day.  I have scoured the morning press in the hope of finding something to blog about, but the papers are full of nothing but the latest US presidential debate and brexit.  In order then- the Trump-Clinton fight firstly is strictly outside my remit, but as I've mentioned previously, who becomes the next President of the United States does impinge upon us, and indeed on the rest of the world, so I feel I am entitled to some comment.  Well - in a nutshell, the choice is an unattractive one between two people who I wouldn't trust any further than I could throw them.  If pushed for a decision, I would go for Clinton as marginally the less dangerous of the two.  And as for brexit - I'm fed up with people trying to second-guess what will happen.  Everybody's putting their penn'orth in to try and get what they want, and clearly however it turns out, there will be those who won't be happy, so it looks as if Europe will continue to be a festering sore for the disenchanted to pick at, and that the referendum didn't really settle anything.  Like I say, I am totally depressed.

50 years ago

Do you remember Aberfan?  I do.  I think it was the first disaster to be covered live on TV which made it all the more horrible.  Today with all the nasty things that are going on, daily it seems, in the world, I think we've become more desensitised but back then I remember just sitting there watching the TV and crying at the sight of those pathetic little bodies being pulled from the slime.  Not something I can ever forget.

As ye sow...

To what extent is Kim Kardashian the author of her own misfortune?  If you make a living out of putting yourself forward as super-rich and flashing the bling - well, you get the idea.  Doesn't in any way excuse the actions of those who robbed her but perhaps you can see where they got the impulse from.  

I look up to him...

It seems some people have been questioning why it is that Prince George always appears in public in short trousers.  And it has been suggested that it's all a matter of class - to be wearing long trousers before about the age of eight is apparently seen as "suburban", which it seems is code for middle-class.  And royalty would not wish to be seen as middle-class.  Well I don't know about that, but what I do remember from my childhood is that what today we refer to as primary school was then referred to as "infants and juniors" and the distinction was that you were in the infants for your first three years and then you went up to junior school.  And my recollection is certainly that infants had to wear short trousers whereas juniors could wear long ones.  Didn't realise we were class-conscious, but apparently we were!

When the wind blows...

So one of the worst hurricanes in memory is devastating the Caribbean and threatening the east coast of the US.  But I am confused - I can't remember where it came from, but stuck in my mind is a mnemonic about the hurricane season which goes -
June - too soon
July - stand by
August - come it must
September - remember
October - it's over
                                  So what's going  on??

Look at the price of that!

I have friends in Worcestershire and Herefordshire who are warning people to get ready for seasonal fruit and veg to get more expensive next year.  If farmers down there can no longer take on (mainly eastern European) migrants as casual labour to get their harvests in, they will have to pay significantly more to persuade British workers to do the work and that extra cost will be passed on to us, the consumers. So next year's asparagus crop will be the first test!

What price privacy?

In my youth, I fancied myself - as many young people do - as an author.  I quickly realised I was rubbish, but if I had succeeded, I was going to publish under a pseuonym.  Why?  Well, partly because I thought the romantic comedies I wanted to write would stand a better chance if the author was believed to be a woman, but mainly because I value my privacy and wanted to control if, when and how I revealed my true identity.  Why am I going on like this?  Because I have great sympathy for Elena Ferrante, a noted novelist, whose true identity has been "unmasked" by an Italian "investigative journalist".  He seems to have done it just for the sake of doing it, saying that she is a "public figure" and that her readers have "a right to know". Well, do they?  Did she not have the right to remain anonymous? Where do you stand on this?

Any spare change, Bud?

Some people have questioned whether the money being spent on replacing the old paper fiver with the new polymer one (and the tenner and twenty pound note to follow) is a waste as, in their view "cash has had its day".  But has it?  Will there ever come such a time?  There will always be the milkman to pay, or the gardener, or the window cleaner, or the need to pop into the corner shop for a packet of mints. And however technology advances, and may advance in the future, there will always be people, like me, who are behind the game.  I know "contactless payment" exists, but I don't know - and more to the point, don't want to know - how to use it. I'm sure the use of cash will decrease over the years, but I doubt it will ever disappear.

If you stare at the set hard enough...

A BBC presenter of some 18 years standing claims he has been sacked because he's white and the BBC are looking for "more diversity".  You may have views on whether this is a correct approach for the BBC to take or not, but what makes the story completely bizarre is that he's a RADIO presenter!

Really??

The Health Secretary wants to "name and shame" restaurants, pubs and cafes who put highly calorific desserts on their menus.  He partially justifies this approach by saying that going out for a meal is "no longer a treat" but something that "is a regular habit for many families".  Where the hell does he live?  I'm not particularly a pudding person, so I have no axe to grind, but I've just checked back through my diary for the last twelve months, and I've been out for a meal five times during that period.  Is this another "London" thing - where those who live in the capital assume everybody behaves like they do?

We won - sucks boo to you lot!

It's forever being pointed out that 17million-odd people voted to leave the EU.  Little is said about the 16milllion-odd who voted to stay in.  OK, the brexiteers won - that's how democracy works, but are the remainers to simply be ignored?  Particularly when it was such a close-run thing?  It's like the difference between your favourite football team completely dominating a game and running out 6-0 winners, and winning a tight fought match by a last minute goal in time added on.  They're both worth three points, but there the similarity ends.  I think the Government is right in pursuing a "softly-softly" approach to the problem. and we should let them get on with it.

Words, words...

So what is "21st century socialism"?  This is the phrase used by Jeremy Corbyn in his key-note speech on the final day of the Labour Party's annual conference.  Rather like "brexit means brexit" it's a somewhat meaningless phrase - or rather, it's one of those useful pronouncements which can mean whatever you want it to mean.  But why add 21st century? Is this something different from (pre-21st century) socialism? Bit like Blair changing Labour to New Labour which didn't really change anything?  

Publish and be damned - by me at least!

Sad to see the Daily Telegraph behaving like a tabloid and secretly filming Sam Allardyce making some ill-chosen comments which have led to him losing his job as manager of the England football team.  At least he goes with a record of played one, won one.  There was a time when there was a definite divide between the "quality" press and the rest and depending on what you were reading you knew what you would be getting, but now it seems anything goes.  Like I say, I feel rather saddened by the whole affair.

Make your minds up!

Ironic that many of those who voted to "take back control" in the EU referendum are the same people who are now campaigning vigorously against fracking, seemingly oblivious to the fact that fracking - whatever you think about it - would give us much more control over our own energy production and make us far less reliant on the Middle East, Russia and the US to keep the home fires burning.

Ooh - he's nice!!

Is Labour in danger of becoming a personality cult?  Following the recent leadership contest, and listening to some of the people who voted for Jeremy Corbyn, it seems clear that they voted for him simply because they liked him - they didn't really seem to know - or care - about what he stood for, or in which direction he wanted to take the party.  Not that this is specifically a Labour problem - with each successive general election it has become more and more obvious that many people are simply voting for whom they want to be Prime Minister - which is a complete prostitution of the electoral process. What can be done about it though??

Nice little earner!

If you get hold of any of these new polymer £5 notes. it's worth checking the serial numbers.  Notes in mint condition with serial numbers starting AA01 are fetching around £200 on eBay.

Plus ça change...

So it's Corbyn again?  No surprise there then?  All the talk is about "uniting behind the leader" and "listening to the members" but there's an unspoken assumption there that it is up to those MPs who do not fully support him to fall into line, whereas he is the immovable object - the idea that he should even consider moving towards them and being more inclusive doesn't seem to occur.  And there's also an assumption that the membership know best - which if you think about it, is a strange concept.  If they do, then what's the point of having any sort of management structure.  Just leave all decisions to the members.  You can imagine the chaos that would cause.  The Labour Party is crying out for positive, effective leadership - and unless Corbyn significantly changes his approach, they ain't gonna get it.

Ha ha

A man was in a pub, just sitting there looking at his drink. He stayed like that for about a half hour. Then a big trouble making tattooed lorry driver plonked himself down next to him, picked up his drink and downed it in one  The poor man started crying. The lorry driver said, "Oh come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replied, wiping his tears, "This day has been the worst of my life. First, I overslept and got to work really late. My boss fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found  out it had been stolen. The police said there was nothing they could do. I got a cab to go home, and when I got out, I remembered I'd left my wallet on the back seat. The cab driver just drove away. I went inside my house where I found my wife in bed with the gardener. I left home to come to this pub and just when I was thinking about putting an end to it all, you showed up and drank my poison."

Snail's pace?

The Government has said it is "committed" to the introduction of what is being called "The Alan Turing Law".  He, you may remember, received a Royal Pardon back in 2013 in respect of his conviction in 1952 for an act of "gross indecency" with another man, and the law which some people are naming after him is intended to extend the same pardoning to all those others convicted of similar offences back in the day.  Whatever you think about the basic principle (and there are pros and cons - see my previous posts on the subject) I think we are entitled to ask - what's taken so long?  Homosexuality between men was effectively decriminalised back in 1967, and many of those who would be affected by this proposed new law will probably be dead by now.  And I'm afraid the cynic in me wonders whether that is in fact the point - you can't claim compensation if you're dead!

National Health Service

Note the first word - National.  What does that signify?  Well surely, that it covers the country.  Wherever you are in the Kingdom, you can get the same service.  Well, maybe, maybe not.  Hearken to the story of a pensioner who went to a local health centre for blood tests.  On the way out he lost his footing and fell awkwardly, and banged his head and grazed his arms and knee.  A member of staff helped him back inside.  So far, so good.  What he really needed was someone to give him a quick once-over, a cup of tea and maybe a couple of plasters - and this is where it becomes somewhat unbelievable.  He was refused any further help on the grounds that he was not a patient of this particular health centre.  Although he had been sent there for blood tests, he was registered with another surgery nearby.  So just how National is our NHS?

Don't judge a book...

Do you remember that episode of "Dad's Army" where Pt Godfrey is ostracised by Captain Mainwaring and most of the platoon when it is revealed that he was a conscientious objector in the First World War, only for them to later discover that he joined The Royal Army Medical Corps as a stretcher bearer and was awarded the Military Medal for rescuing wounded soldiers under fire at the Battle of the Somme.  I wonder whether the script writer had in mind William Coltman, a Midland lad,  who has the distinction of being the most highly decorated soldier (as opposed to officer) of the First World War (VC, DCM & Bar, MM & Bar) even though, like Godfrey, he was a conscientious objector and won his awards for "conspicuous bravery, initiative and devotion to duty"  as a stretcher bearer.

Wrong end of telescope?

So the penalties for using a hand-held mobile 'phone whilst driving are to be doubled.  Is this the right approach to the problem?  As I understand it, the technology exists to make using a 'phone in a car as safe as can be (as has been mentioned in previous posts, nothing is ever 100% safe), so why are we not requiring the makers of cars and the manufacturers of mobile 'phones to construct their products so that this technology is built in and available to all?  Is it just easier (and more profitable) to clobber the motorist?

Fascinating fact.

Did you know that the "Black lives matter" protesters who disrupted flights at London City Airport the other week were all white?

Animal Farm sports rules?

In true Orwellian fashion, it would appear that some performance-enhancing banned substances are more banned than others.

Quo vadis?

Whither now for UKIP?  Farage stood down claiming, effectively, that his work was done following the referendum vote to leave the EU, but the party seemingly soldiers on, and are due to elect a new leader.  But for what purpose?  Other than a watching brief to be ready to hold the government to account over its conduct of the Brexit negotiations, it seems to have little point.  And once we actually leave....??

Her Britannic Majesty...

I still have my old dark blue passport and certainly I think it feels more substantial and looks more important than the newer red EU one.  So I can understand and to a certain extent empathise with those who want to bring it back. But don't push your luck.  A recent petition calls for the removal of "all French words" from the cover of the new (that is, old-style) British passport.  Presumably this refers to "Dieu et mon droit" and "Honi soit qui mal y pense" both of which appear (and have for centuries) on the Royal coat of arms.  So there's the irony - these Brexiteers who want to take back what they perceive we lost when we joined the EU, actually want to destroy stuff which goes back much, much further than that.

Cold enough to...

I would imagine many of you completed that sentence (if maybe only in your head) with ...to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.  Not something to say in polite society perhaps, but in fact the saying's origin is in no way rude or salacious, and has nothing to do with the anatomy of our ape cousins,  Go back to the days of Francis Drake and pirate ships and the like.  Such ships would store their cannon balls on an open-shelved arrangement made of brass and called a monkey.  In very cold weather, the brass would contract, and the cannon balls might fall off.  So there - you and your dirty mind!

Money talks

Never been a big fan of The Great British Bake-Off (see previous posts on the subject), but I find it sad that, after nurturing it from a nothing show into a world beater, the BBC have apparently lost it to Channel 4.  Sadder still that it's all about money.  You might think that the owners of the show might have shown some loyalty to the BBC who have spent six years building it up into what it is now, but apparently greed has won out.  As one tweeter put it "It's all about the dough".

Sense of proportion?

A Sikh temple in Leamington Spa is prepared to conduct inter-faith marriages (e.g. a Sikh marrying a Hindu).  This doesn't sit well with some traditionalist Sikhs and a group of them staged a sit-down in the temple the other day where such a marriage was due to take place.  When they wouldn't move the police were called.  So far - well, hardly worth comment.  But, bear with me.  A good Sikh always carries a Kirpan which is a short-bladed knife carried for purely religious and ceremonial purposes.  And these were good Sikhs.  So suddenly what was clearly a peaceful protest officially became an armed occupation involving a "significant number of weapons", and arrests were made.  Mountains and molehills spring to mind,

Music Man

One of those tunes which will be familiar to most people, but it is unlikely that they will know what it is, is Gymnopédie No. 1 by Erik Satie, who was born 150 years ago this year.  It's a slow hypnotic piece and indeed it is hard to see any connection with the title, as Gymnopaedia was an ancient Greek festival of naked war-dancing, but there you are.  Satie wrote three of them, but only No. 1 has achieved any popularity.  Very much ahead of his time, he is now seen as the originator of the minimalistic movement in music.  I like his stuff because it's undemanding and easy to play!  Perhaps second favourite of his is a simple waltz tune called Je te veux which is currently being used as background for a Cesar dog-food advert.

Oi, ref!

It seems we're not finished with silly school stories yet.  A primary school (yes, that's 5 to 11-yesr-olds) will not allow its pupils to play football at playtime unless they and their parents sign a "contract" concerning their behaviour.  It includes things like "I will not hog the ball", "I will not name call or tease" and such like.  Now remember - these are just little kids and we're not talking formally organised matches here, but just playground kick-arounds.  OTT or what!!?

School -eughhh!

Schooling very much in the news at present - particularly as the new Prime Minister  has nailed her colours to the mast of grammar schools.  At the risk of appearing to be reactionary, can I suggest that our attitude to education is, and to an extent always has been based on a false premise - that children want to learn?  Now, many if not most of them do, but as any schoolteacher will tell you, there are those who simply have no interest in learning - at least, not in learning what the school wants to teach them. These are the disruptive pupils who don't want to be there, and are simply getting through the day as best they can waiting to be able to go back home.  So, are we simply wasting everybody's time by forcing them to attend school?  Many of them are smart kids who are well capable of making their way in the world without any formal education - and some may come to education later in life.  Not sure our "one size fits all" attitude to schooling really suits those at either of the extreme ends of the intellectual spectrum, and if we're going down the grammar school line for those at the top end, what about those at the bottom end?

Computer says...

I'm old enough to remember a world without computers, and very definitely without the internet.  So perhaps as a result I am in awe of what computers can do but equally very cautious of placing any blind reliance on them to get the job done. And every now and again something happens which reinforces that belief.  Like the story of the flight from Sydney which was scheduled to go to Malaysia, but thanks to an incorrect computer input ended up in Melbourne.  A good example of what we used to refer to as GIGO - garbage in, garbage out.

Here we go again!

Certain topics keep cropping up according to the time of year.  It's back-to-school time, so once again we have stories of head teachers acting like Little Hitlers and sending pupils home for breaches of the school uniform code.  There are good reasons for having a uniform code but some head teachers simply see it as yet another excuse to throw their weight around.  Apparently there's a school in Margate where no fewer than 70 pupils have been refused admission in the first two days of term for wearing the wrong sort of shoes or trousers or such.  I've said it before and I'll say ir again - schools are for teaching.  Does the fact that I am wearing trainers in any way affect my ability to learn?  By all means send me home at the end of the day with a note and give my parents a couple of weeks to find me some proper shoes, but otherwise get on with your job!

Round and round...

In parts of Cornwall, there is a tradition of building roundhouses - we stayed in one on a holiday many years ago.  The tradition comes from the Celts, who believed that the Devil hid up corners.  So - no corners, nowhere for the Devil to hide.

Strewth!

Did you know we had a parliamentary sleaze watchdog? No, me neither.  His (actually I think it's currently a her) official title is the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards and is in charge of regulating "MPs conduct and propriety".  Lovely word - propriety.  It's the noun derived from the adjective proper, and therefore means that which is proper.  Problem of course, as with all such concepts is that what I consider proper and what you consider proper may differ, so it's a subjective notion.  Which brings us to Mr Vaz, a Labour MP who has apparently been indulging in homosexual activity in the privacy of his own home with what used to be called "rent boys".  Note that it was in private, and we only know about it as a result of a Sunday newspaper "sting" operation,  The Commissioner may well now have to decide if that is "proper" behaviour for an MP.  Good luck with that!

Curate's egg...

So - quick thought on the BBC's sitcom "reinventions":-

• Are You Being Served - no, waste of time.  Just a pale reflection of the original.
• Porridge - yes. this could fly.  Updated, and turned the old idea upside down, with a younger protagonist and an older sidekick,  Shows promise.
• Goodnight Sweetheart - not so much a remake, more a continuation and if you were a fan of the original, you'll like this one.
• Young Hyacinth - not sure.  Don't think these "before they were famous" programmes often work, and can't see this one having a future.

So, two possibles out of four - not bad I suppose.

Ooh - that's a good idea!

I suppose if you want to encapsulate just what is wrong with Jeremy Corbyn (always presuming you think there is anything wrong with him) you need look no further than this idea of his that popping down the pub after work with your workmates for a quick drink (or two) before going home should be outlawed because it discriminates against mothers who want to get home to their kids.  So what exactly does this tell us about him?  That he's a thinker with no regard for the practicalities of his thoughts.  That he believes a good idea is sufficient unto itself irrespective of whether or not it could ever be put into effect.  Or.....  the more scary notion is that he sees a future where people do as the Government (or perhaps just Jeremy) tell them to.  This is the future of the secret police, of people informing on each other, an Orwellian future where the idea of going down the pub after work just wouldn't occur to you, because you have been brought up (brainwashed?) not to think like that.  Either way, he's not a man I would want running the country.

No fair???

A review of parliamentary boundaries, which has been ongoing for some time now, is due to report shortly.  It will reduce the number of MPs from 650 to 600 and redraw the constituencies so that, as nearly as possible, each constituency has the same number of potential voters, and so each vote is "worth" the same.  How could you possibly argue against that?  And yet, just about everybody other than the Conservatives are doing so.  An analysis of what is likely to happen shows that of the 50 seats which will disappear altogether, 10 to 15 will be Tory seats, but 25 to 30 will be Labour, and as a result of the redrawing of constituency boundaries many reasonably safe Labour seats are likely to  become marginal.  So not surprisingly Labour are having a moan.  Of course. what they fail to acknowledge is that for some quarter of a century, they have had a built-in advantage at every general election in that a Labour vote has been "worth" considerably more than a Conservative one.  What goes around, comes around, folks.

Huh???

Struggling to see how the line "I have more roots than Kunta Kinte" which was apparently said by a character in Coronation Street the other day, is racist.  A lot of people have taken objection to it on that ground and Ofcom is looking into it.  As far as I can see, the only reason it could be considered racist is on the basis that Kunta Kinte (who by the way was a completely fictitious character in another TV series) was a black man.  And presumably, there are those who consider that making a joke (or a pun, or whatever you want to call it) about a black man is racist.  The question is - should we really be taking such people seriously? And by the way - how on earth did the original writers and producers get away with the name Kunta Kinte?

Tricky....

Can the Prime Minister invoke Article 50 (see post dated 6th July) without parliamentary approval?  Well, yes, probably so.  The "royal prerogative" (by which the Government exercises authority from the days when the monarch could do what they liked, simply because they were the monarch) covers the conduct of treaties and almost certainly covers this point.  So, she can, but should she?  Ah, that's a different question. There are certainly calls for her not to proceed without a parliamentary vote, but the problem is that as far as we know, the majority of MPs are opposed to Brexit, and she may well struggle to get their approval for such a move.  It's a bit "devil and the deep blue sea" stuff, isn't it?

R.I.P.

Gene Wilder - the immediate response of most people has been "Ah yes, Willy Wonka" but for me, the film of his that I most remember was "The Producers"- perhaps the most anarchic black comedy ever produced.  And close behind is the memory of him trying (so embarrassingly) to be a "hip" black man in "Silver Streak".  What a talent.

Making a bad situation worse??

Can't understand some of the press's attitude to Sir Philip Green.  Whatever he may or may not have done, and whatever you think of him, we are looking to him to do the decent thing, and use some of his considerable wealth to plug the hole in the BHS's pension scheme.  So do you think calling him "Sir Shifty", calling for him to be stripped of his knighthood and berating him and his wife for cruising in the Greek islands while the doors were finally closing on those department stores, makes it more or less likely that he will do so?  I hold no brief for him, and he may well be the "unacceptable face of capitalism", but frankly in view of the way he's being treated by some people, I wouldn't blame him if he said "sod the lot of you" and walked away.

Arise, Sir.......

Many calls for our successful Olympians to be given honours in the next list.  But why??  If you've won a medal in your particular event, isn't that your reward for all your hard work and dedication?  Why should you get an MBE as well - let alone a knighthood, as has been suggested for some.  Problem is - precedent.  It's been done for others in the past, so why not you?  Well - new PM, new post-Brexit world - perhaps now is a good time to break the cycle and think twice before scattering honours around like sweeties for those who have simply done their thing - albeit exceptionally well.

Out of touch?

Apparently Jeremy Corbyn does not consider himself "wealthy" despite getting a salary of £138,000 a year.  Well, all I can say is that I consider that level of income represents wealth, and I would imagine that most of you do too.  Bit worrying when this "man of the people"seems to have no understanding of the sort of lives the people he claims to represent lead. 

Explanation.

I have been accused of hypocrisy- or more precisely, double standards - for opposing the ban on the burkini (see 19th August) whilst at the same time opposing the wearing of the burqa (see 9/10/06).  But if you look back at that earlier post you will see - I hope - that what I didn't like about the burqa was not the garment itself (though I find it completely unattractive) but the fact that it conceals the face, which as I explained at the time, I associate with sinister motives.  My feelings are still the same.

Are you being reserved?

The BBC apparently are to do a one-off remake of "Are you being served" and other of their classic sitcoms of yesteryear.  Why??  It's not as though the originals have disappeared into a black hole.  They're still out there and available on the nostalgia channels.  So why??  Is this an acceptance that current sitcoms are rubbish and that present-day writers are bereft of ideas?  This remake will have to be very, very good if it is not to pale in comparison with the originals.

So what?

I suppose you've seen this "alternative" medal table for the Olympics, where all the countries in the EU (including us) have been lumped together to show that the EU got more medals than anybody else and therefore "won" the Games at Rio.  Don't know if it was meant to be taken seriously, but of course it completely ignores the fact that there are limits on how many athletes a "country" can enter into an event - and indeed on how many events a single athlete can compete in.  So it's interesting, but worthless.

Is the system broken?

As the voting starts, what will happen if Jeremy Corbyn wins again?  It's difficult to see how those MPs who voted for a motion of no confidence in him as their leader can stay under those circumstances.  So what do they do?  Walk away?  Set up a new party (shade of the SDP)?  Hunker down and continue the fight?  Whatever happens, it is difficult to see any future for the party as a serious opposition, and that's worrying.  Our parliamentary system requires a strong opposition to hold the Government to account, and at present we haven't got that, and signs are that we're not going to get it any time soon.

Rio Olympics

Didn't we do well? We did, didn't we??  Depends on how you look at it, and what your priorities are.  When you learn that each medal has "cost" us, as a country, some £4m, you may wonder whether that money could have been better spent elsewhere.  Indeed, you may feel, as I do, somewhat depressed that how well you do depends almost entirely on how much you are prepared to spend - just like football.  Don't think de Coubertain would be impressed.

The Lazy Cook

This is so simple, quick and easy it's almost criminal.   Most supermarkets do packets of pulled meat - pork or chicken mainly.  They also do fajita wraps.  So - combine,  My favourite is to fill a wrap with pulled pork. some chopped up cos lettuce. some grated cheese and some sour cream and chive dip,  I could eat this all night!

R.I.P.

Brian Rix - King of farce.  Thanks for all the laughs, man.

Oh, the irony...!

The President of an American Christian organisation which insists that natural disasters are God's punishment for homosexuals has had his house destroyed by a massive flood.

Thou shalt not...

Why ban the burkini?  It's an all-in-one swimming garment which covers everything except the face, hands and feet, and thus allows Muslim women to swim without compromising their religious beliefs.  And what's wrong with that?  The Mayor of Cannes - where they are banned - says that they are a symbol of Islamic extremism.  Well, you see what you want to see, but from my point of view all it means is that those who are not prepared to expose their bodies won't be able to swim.  In other words it's all about exclusion, at a time when surely we should be seeking to be inclusive?  And didn't Victorian women used to dress very similarly when they went swimming?

And the answer is....

Nine years ago I posted about the decline in the bee population and suggested that this could have serious repercussions for food production.  Well now it seems that science has established that the main cause is the use of a class of pesticide called neonicotinoids which are used to protect oilseed rape plants from a certain predatory beetle.  But of course, oilseed rape is an important crop and the National Farmers Union insist that neonicotinoids - or something similar - must be employed to ensure a good harvest, and that a small decline in bee population is a price worth paying.  Watch this space.

Ma-a-a-mmy.....

Do you remember The Black and White Minstrel Show on TV?  If so, were you offended by it?  Would you be offended by it if it were broadcast again today?  I ask because Eastbourne has put on a pictorial display of the history of the town and been forced to withdraw a picture of an old end-of-the-pier show because it depicts "Uncle Ben's Eastbourne Minstrels" and someone has complained.  Another attempt to air-brush history by pretending that something which happened, didn't.  I can never see the sense.  Feel proud of your past, or feel embarrassed or ashamed of it, but please, don't try to deny it happened.  Interestingly, The Black and White Minstrel Show was enormously popular, but when the BBC tried putting the same show on with the same artists, but without the blackface (it was called Music, music music) it failed miserably, so make what you like of that.

Plus ça change....

Back in 2009 I blogged about a South African girl who had won the 800m race at the World Championships of that year.  She certainly didn't look very feminine and questions were being asked as to whether she was in fact female.  Clearly, as I commented at the time, her external physicality must be female, but further tests over the years since have shown that her athletic prowess - and her masculine appearance - are down to her level of testosterone (which is essentially the male hormone) which is some three times higher than in the average woman.  So, here we are seven years later, and the question still is - should she be allowed to compete as a woman?  The problem is that it's not her fault that her testosterone level is so high, but if any other competitor were to artificially raise their testosterone level to match hers, they would immediately be banned under the doping regulations.  It has been suggested that she should take medication to reduce her testosterone level but apparently although this does have the effect of slowing her down, it also has psychological side effects.  So - what to do?  Well, here's an idea - allow her to compete but handicap her.  It must be possible (although bound to be contentious) to calculate what advantage in terms of time she gets over 800 metres and this should be added to whatever time she records.

...maketh man.

I know I've been down this line before, but what on earth happened to good manners?  We seem to have got into a situation now where peoples "rights" override any responsibility they have to behave properly and responsibly.  What's brought this on?  A gay male couple were seen holding hands in Sainsburys.  A member of the public took exception to this and complained to a security guard who then "ejected" them from the shop.  This prompted gay couples of both sexes to descend on the shop and carry out what was described as a "mass kissathon".  At least, that is how it has been reported - in reality it may not have been so straightforward.  But as I see it, this is not a matter of right or wrong - it's a matter of behaviour.  The couple maybe should have thought twice about holding hands in public.  The member of the public who complained should maybe have kept their thoughts to themselves.  The security guard should maybe have just had a quiet word and left it at that.  It's always worth thinking about the possible consequences of what you intend to do - and then maybe not doing it.  Like I say - manners.

Do you fly here often, Chuck?

You need permission to travel to the United States.  Subject to certain conditions, if you only plan on staying a short time for business or pleasure purposes, you will need what is known as an ESTA visa, which is normally obtainable with minimum fuss.  'Cellists often prefer to book a separate seat for their instrument, rather than have it carried in the hold.  But a combination of these two things caused problems for a female 'cellist seeking to travel from Zurich to Baltimore to play in a concert there.  The problem arose as a result of a classic "computer says no" syndrome.  In order to book a seat for the 'cello, the booking computer required a name.  So the seat was booked in the name of Chuck Cello.  But now the American computer took over, and insisted that "Chuck Cello" (who as far as it knew was a person) would not be allowed to board the flight as it didn't have an ESTA visa.  The moral of this story is - never trust a computer!

Beep....

Have you got a pet cat?  Have you had it microchipped?  You may think that if it goes missing and somebody finds it, you will be reunited with it.  Well. not necessarily it seems.  Apparently, if whoever found it does not want their identity revealed, data protection regulations mean that you cannot be told where it is or who has it.  So, can you involve the Police?  Well, you can certainly report the facts to them, but the question is whether any offence has been committed.  If the cat was taken, then that would be theft, but if it simply wandered off and eventually found its way to whoever now has it, it's hard to see what wrong has been done.  I suppose the question is - if you innocently come into possession of something, and later learn that it belongs to someone else, are you under any legal obligation to return it to its rightful owner?  Answers. as they say, on a postcard.

Boom!

Funny how sometimes you don't know about history which is on you own doorstep.  Not that far from where I live is the village of Hanbury.  Nice village with a nice pub - at least it used to be so.  Back in the days when you could still go out for a drive in the country and finish up at a pub for a leisurely drink before wending your way home, this was a favourite destination.  But what I never realised until recently was that close by is the remains of RAF Fauld, where the country's biggest ever explosion happened in November 1944.  Underground chambers and corridors were used to store bombs and on 27th November - apparently as a result of a spark caused by someone using a chisel, the whole lot went up.  At least 70 people died - probably more and it remains one of the biggest non-nuclear explosions ever recorded.  The huge crater has now been reclaimed by nature, but the area is still forbidden to walkers - there is still plenty of unexploded ordnance down there. 

English as she is spoke.

You may remember the joke about the brute who "raped Thrace thrice" - but did you realise that thrice is the end of the line?  Once, twice, thrice - and that's it.  There is no single word for four times, five times and so on.  Why not?  Who knows.  Perhaps the question is more - why do we have special words for one time, two times and three times.  Other languages tend not to.  French goes une fois, deux fois, trois fois and so on.  German has einmal, zweimal, dreimal etc.  So it's English which, as is so often the case, is unusual.

Who??

Do you know who the Duke of Rothesay is?  Probably not, I would guess.  Well, it's Prince Charles.  His title as Prince of Wales only applies in England and Wales.  In Scotland, his official title is the Duke of Rothesay.  So there!

There are 205 other countries you know.

It's early days, but I am rather disappointed by the BBC's breakfast coverage of the Olympics - obviously headlining our medals or near misses, but otherwise very much a matter of "if it didn't involve a Brit, it didn't happen".

Oh boy!

Anybody else see the irony in the fact that America's first gold medal was for shooting?

Hello, spotty!

I'm sure most of you will have seen the pictures of the little boy smothered in chickenpox spots.  There is no vaccine against chickenpox here in the UK although such a vaccine does exist and is available in the US and Australia.  So why not here?  Well the problem is that chickenpox is an unpleasant, but generally not serious illness in children, but if you catch it as an adult, it can be much more serious, so the general consensus is that it is better to have it as a child.  Indeed, I don't know if it is still the case, but back when I was a kid, if any local child came down with chickenpox, other parents would send their children to go and play with them, in the hope that they would catch it too.

What a mess!

So Dame Lowell Goddard has thrown in the towel as head of the child sex abuse inquiry, and she is the third person to have done so.  Think the problem is that there are vested interests here who are looking for a specific outcome, and are hell-bound on stacking the odds in their favour.  Spokesman for the "survivors" was on TV saying that they needed the inquiry headed by someone who could "take on the establishment" - which in my book is code for  "will come up with the result we want".  Who's next for the poisoned chalice?

Oh, no it isn't!

It's the 950th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings and as part of the commemorations children are being asked to contribute ideas for an up-to-date version of the Bayeux Tapestry.  Well there's one thing you need to know about the Bayeux Tapestry - it's not a tapestry, it's an embroidery!  The distinction is that in a tapestry, the images are woven in as part of the cloth, whereas with an embroidery, they are stitched on over the top.  Furthermore, the Battle of Hastings was not fought at Hastings at all, but at a site about 7 miles away, now called Battle.  And did you know that the two sides had a break for lunch?

The five rings.

Speaking of the Olympics, I can't get at all excited about the current Games, which start tomorrow.  I had a lot to say about the Games four years ago, when London hosted them, and nothing much seems to have changed.  And this time we have the additional complication of the Russians - many of whom will not be there.  Of course, we've had boycotts before - America in 1980, and the USSR in 1984, but this is the first time to my knowledge that a major country's athletes have been excluded by the Olympic authorities.  Was it the right thing to do?  Should they have gone further?  I'm not sure, but certainly as far as I am concerned it's taken any gloss there might have been off the occasion.

Jingle bells

So Christmas has come to Selfridges - they opened the 4th floor of their London store as a "Winter Wonderland" Christmas Shop last Monday, August 1st.  This hasn't gone down too well with some people who accuse them of taking the magic out of Christmas itself, and being interested purely in maximising their own profit.  Selfridges replied by saying they were simply responding to demand - particularly from visitors from overseas.  Actually I don't think this is a record - I remember posting back in 2012 about Harrods opening their Christmas department on the same day as the opening of the London Olympics, and that was July 27th!

Ambiguity?

Newspaper headline over the weekend - Nine people rescued after getting stuck in a lift with Donald Trump.  Not clear whether they were being rescued from getting stuck in a lift - or getting stuck with Donald Trump!

Not what it says on the tin.

I've spoken before about things that "everybody knows" which apparently everybody doesn't know.  Well, here's another one - when you go to the chippy and they say "salt and vinegar?" and you say "yes please", what you get is almost certainly not vinegar.  Whether it ever was, I don't know, but since about the middle of the last century, it's probably been something called "non-brewed condiment".  Tastes like vinegar, but is actually a mixture of acetic acid. water and colouring.  Why? - because it's cheaper and quicker to produce than real vinegar.  Theoretically, you're not allowed to call it vinegar, or present it in a traditionally shaped vinegar bottle, but "salt and non-brewed condiment?" doesn't have the same ring, does it?

Many a true word...

Apparently there was a confrontation in Birmingham City Centre the other day between an Islamic street preacher and a police constable, following an alleged complaint from a member of the public.  From what has been reported, the P.C. handled the situation impeccably, making the point that the preacher was entitled to "stand here and shout and offend" but if he went beyond that and committed a public order offence he would be arrested.  But what struck me was what the preacher is reported to have shouted at the P.C. - "This is a free country and we can speak freely in public."  Doesn't Islam do irony??

Big tartan brother?

I was somewhat appalled to read about the SNP's idea to have the welfare of every child in Scotland overseen by a "Named Person" - most likely a teacher or health visitor.  OK so the Supreme Court have ruled it illegal, but as I read it, they have not blocked the idea itself, but merely the way the legislation is drafted, and the SNP have said they intend to make the necessary changes and re-present it.  So, why is it so worrying?  Well, as I understand it, it means that parents in Scotland will forever be looking over their shoulders at their child's Named Person who. if they think the parents are not doing their job properly, will presumably have the power to intervene.  On a practical level of course, the chances of the same Named Person overseeing the whole of a child's life from birth to age 18 is remote - there are those who will change job, or retire, or die, so it's unlikely there will be any real continuity, so you have to wonder about the viability of the concept, even if you agree with it.

Wartime Broadcasting System.

Did you see that item about the BBC's plans in the event of nuclear war last century?  It is suggested that they would have broadcast a diet of recordings of The Goon Show, Round The Horne and Just A Minute to keep us entertained.  Makes for a good story, but in practice, had the worst ever happened, it's very unlikely that those recordings would have ever been used.  What radios there were would almost certainly have been dependant on batteries, and battery life would have needed to be conserved for listening to new bulletins.  So the thought of us sitting in our bunkers chuckling at Bluebottle and Julian and Sandy is just a nice idea but nothing more.

Go to the country?

It has been suggested that, if Jeremy Corbyn wins the forthcoming Labour leadership contest, the Prime Minister should immediately call a snap general election which, conventional wisdom has it, the Tories would win by a landslide.  Well, would they - and more to the point - could they?  The days when the Prime Minister could call a general election whenever they liked - and for the most part would do so at the most favourable moment for themselves - have gone with the passing of the Fixed-term Parliament Act of 2011, and now the next general election is set for 7th May 2020.  Unless, that is, at least 434 MPs (two-thirds) vote to have an earlier one.  Given that turkeys do not vote for Christmas, and that the Government have only a small majority, this is highly unlikely.  Equally unlikely is that the Commons pass a vote of no confidence in the government.  So, much though she might like the idea, a snap election is not on.

R.I.P.

Marni Nixon - who??  You may well ask, but if you were enchanted by Deborah Kerr's singing in The King And I, or that of Natalie Wood in West Side Story, or Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady (to name but a few) then you were being enchanted by the voice of Marni Nixon.  Known by some as "the ghost with the most" she made a career out of dubbing the singing voices of stars whose real voices weren't up to it.  Generally uncredited, she lived her professional life in the shadows.  She has died at the age of 86 and her story deserves to be better known.

In-ger-land!

Allardyce for England??  I imagine there will be many - perhaps including the man himself - saying "not before time".  His name has certainly been bandied about for the last ten years or so.  His main problem is that his record is more a matter of helping clubs survive relegation rather than winning silverware.  But then, he's a Dudley lad and supports the Wolves so that's in his favour!

Back to reality...

So, having had a week off, here we go again.  What has struck me over the past few days, is how nasty people can be.  If you dare to disagree with Jeremy Corbyn, it seems you are fair game for all sorts of abuse - even down to death threats.  Same over the pond if you have the temerity to suggest that Trump is anything other than America's knight in shining armour.  We were taught debating at school - how to propose or oppose a proposition whilst remaining civilised.  Do they not teach that any more?  Bricks through windows was never a persuasive argument.

Ha ha

So, before we get back to the harsh realities of life, here's a joke for you - 

A friend of mine walked into the post office one day back in early February to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts.
He then took out a scent bottle and started spraying perfume over them. My friend's curiosity eventually got the better of him and he walked over and asked him what he was doing.
“I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine’s Day cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” he said.
“Why on earth are you doing that?” my friend asked.
“Because I’m a divorce lawyer.” he replied.

Queueing 101.

So you've been round the supermarket and done your shopping and are now approaching the tills.  Do you have a strategy?  Do you just go to the nearest till, do you look for one on your right-hand side, or your left, or go to the one with the shortest queue, or what?  I don't know why, but I dislike working to my right, so I tend to look for a till on my left-hand side, but what I've learned, and I was pleased to see that a recent study came to the same conclusion, is that what takes the time and therefore delays you, is not people putting their shopping back in their trolleys or bags, but paying for it, and therefore, all things being equal, it is better to join a queue with one or two people with full trolleys than one with four or five people with half-empty trolleys or hand baskets.  Of course, you can come unstuck - you can't legislate for the person who finds their bag of sugar is ripped, and has to send an assistant back for a replacement while we all twiddle our thumbs!

Trolls under the bridge

I'm a fan of Naga Munchetty, who is one of the regular presenters on BBC's Breakfast programme.  Apparently she is regularly criticised, if not actually abused, on Twitter.  I think I've said before that, if you put yourself out there on social media, you have to accept that there are people who will take the opportunity to use that social media to attack you, be rude to you, and generally take out their personal frustrations and unhappiness by having a go at you.  I suppose you have to balance this against the advantages (and although I can't see them, I assume there must be advantages) to being on Twitter.  Ms Munchetty certainly seems to give as good as she gets.

The Lazy Cook

Can't think why I haven't done this before - but then, I don't think I've done a pudding before.  So -
Summer Pudding
You will need - 
A bowl - greased on the inside
Some slices of bread
Summer fruits - raspberries, blackcurrants, redcurrants and such
Caster sugar
Cream or ice-cream to accompany.

Once again, I have not given quantities.  The size of the bowl determines the size of the pudding so work from that.  Put the fruit in a saucepan and slowly bring to the boil and simmer until it starts to thicken.  Add caster sugar to taste.  Line the bowl with bread slices.  Pour in fruit mixture and put more bread slices on top.  Put a saucer that fits inside the bowl on top of that and something heavy on top of that - tin of something usually does the trick.  Put in the fridge and leave for at least overnight - longer if poss.  To serve, remove saucer and weight, run a knife round the inside of the bowl, put a plate on top and then invert bowl and plate.  Pudding should slide out onto plate.

Wot - no sandcastles??

Off to the sea-side.  Bucket and spade, yes?  Well, bucket OK, but if you're going to Weston (super Mare, that is) you may as well leave your spade behind, because the Somerset emergency services have warned against the digging of holes in the sand on - well, you can guess, can't you - health and safety grounds. Despite what some newspaper headlines would have it, they haven't actually banned it, but have advised against it.  But it's part of the magic of being on the beach, isn't it?  Try telling your kids they can't dig in the sand? - Good luck with that!

Phew - what a scorcher!

So while we're being un-serious, how about the weather?  "Britain hotter than Hawaii" say the headlines.  Well, we've certainly had to wait for it - the summer so far has been a bit of a  disappointment - and it looks like this hot spell will only last a day or so.  But hey - that's the Engish weather!  Make the most of what you get.

Brexit, Nice and all that

You know what? I've had enough! I can't stand the pace.  I'm zoning out for a few days.  Let's have some silliness and trivia in the hope that things will sort themselves out - not that I'm expecting that they will, mind you, but I don't know about you, I badly need a rest!

War criminal? - come on, get a grip!

You can understand that those whose loved ones were killed or maimed in the Iraq war want Tony Blair's head, and he has done himself no favours by the way he has responded to any criticism of his actions, but really folks, do we honestly believe that he woke up one morning and said to himself  "I know - let's have a war.  What fun!"  He was Prime Minister, for God's sake - it was his job to decide what was in the country's best interests and to take the appropriate steps.  So OK, maybe in hindsight it can be argued that he got it wrong, maybe he was too willing to accept what he was being told without rigorously questioning it, but it was his job to make the decision and that's what he did.  He has been accused of being a liar, but a lie is something which is untrue and you know to be untrue, and personally I see no evidence that he knew what he was saying was untrue.  At best he may have felt uncomfortable about some aspects, but this is where we come back to basics - it was his job to decide.  Just because you disagree with that decision (and I did and do!) is no ground for suggesting that he should face prosecution.

Nice

A picture is worth a thousand words...

So this is the future...

... May as PM, Hammond as Chancellor, Boris as Foreign Secretary (now there's a shock!) and Amber Rudd (who?) as Home Secretary.  Surprised she couldn't find a job for Gove, who surely is one of the sharpest and cleverest minds around.  At least it opens the way for the office of Lord Chancellor to revert to a Lord and a Judge which in my book would be a Good Thing.  Watch this space, as they say.
P.S. Well that didn't happen, did it - the new Lord Chancellor is to be Liz Truss - yet another who is not a Lord, not a Judge, not even a lawyer.

Euro 2016

Were you as disappointed as I was?  OK, it wasn't helped by England going out so early in such a depressing way, but I thought the general standard of football was pretty dire.  The fact that Iceland and Wales will be the teams that most people will remember I think says it all.  This new format, where teams that finish third in their group still have a chance of progressing and which was supposed (so I hear) to make for more adventurous, attacking play obviously didn't work as planned.  An average of just over 2 goals per match is on the low side, and the fact that less that one goal per match was scored in the first half supports that idea that most teams went into their matches with a "let's get to half time at 0-0" mentality.  No, not a competition to live in the memory, I'm afraid.

Sillier and sillier

So Andrea Leadsom has withdrawn from the contest to be the next leader of the Conservative Party, leaving the way open for Theresa May.  Now I know nothing about Ms Leadsom and whether she would have made a good Prime Minister or not, but what I find unbelievable is the stupid, stupid business which apparently caused her withdrawal.  She is supposed to have suggested that the fact that she has children and Ms May has not somehow gave her brownie points - a pretty ludicrous suggestion, but what was even more ludicrous was that it was taken seriously and led to some really nasty and completely over-the-top criticism - all over such a trivial throw-away comment  And I thought the Conservatives were supposed to be a grown-up party? 
And because things are moving so swiftly, a couple of quick comments - (1) does Theresa May need to call a general election?  No - the leadership of the Conservative Party is a matter for that Party.  They already have a mandate from the last general election and that mandate remains valid.  The recent referendum in no way alters that.  (2) Should Jeremy Corbyn be allowed to stand in the forthcoming contest for the leader of the Labour Party even though he may not be able to get the backing of sufficient MPs to satisfy the rules? Yes - the rules were badly drawn and obviously were designed for a situation where the leader resigns or dies or whatever.  They did not envisage a situation where the leader is challenged - and clearly in such circumstances it would be ridiculous for the leader not to be able to defend his position.

The clue is in the name!

What is the BBC's prime purpose?  Over to Lord Reith who practically invented the Corporation and stated its goals as to "inform, educate, entertain".  So first and foremost it is a news disseminator  - its job is to tell us what's going on.  So, although I can understand his annoyance - fury even - at the way the search of his house became public knowledge, I think Cliff Richards' decision to sue the BBC is misplaced.  Reverse the situation - suppose the BBC had decided not to broadcast what was going on, and it later came to light that they had known and chosen not to tell us - I think you can imagine what the reaction would have been - favouritism, cronyism, bias, partiality - you name it.  The police acted badly, and possibly wrongly, in releasing the information but the BBC were simply doing their job in acting upon it.

OTT?

It was surely a little bizarre watching the reception for the Wales football team on their return from Euro 2016.  OK so the Principality are proud of them - I get that - and they did "punch well above their weight" in the competition, but let's keep our feet on the ground - they were losing semi-finalists.  Well done boys, and all that, but to behave as though they had won the World Cup frankly made them and their fans look rather ridiculous.  And as an Englishman, I feel I need to make the point - England 2,Wales 1.  Bitter and twisted - who, moi??  No, just realistic.  Perhaps we're more used to "nearly but not quite" performances, and know how to deal with them appropriately.

Who should choose?

Not really having had any interest in the process until now, I was surprised to find that the eventual decision as to who should be leader of the Conservative Party (and therefore Prime Minister) rests with the members of that Party.  Because surely, this is just the situation which has caused all the problems for the Labour Party? And where is the logic?  As I see it, the general public choose, by way of the ballot box, who is the largest party in parliament and therefore form the government, and then it should be for the members of that party (i.e. their MPs) to choose who should be their leader. Otherwise you could end up - like the Labour Party have (twice now) - with the ridiculous situation where the leader of the party is not the choice of the majority of the MPs.  Bit like the captain of a football team being chosen by the fans, irrespective of what the manager or the players want.

Ouch!

Seems the Government are considering a raft of measures to make life easier (and safer) for the older driver.  Mini roundabouts instead of T-junctions, and entry roads onto motorways which become lanes and require no filtering-in have been suggested.  All very laudable and as one of said older drivers, I am fully in favour, but if there's one thing they could do to improve my driving experience, it would be to get rid of these damned speed bumps which do my back no good at all - and I suspect do my car's suspension no good as well.  Round where I live they seem to be breeding, with more and more of them every time I venture out.  Originally, speed bumps were relatively gentle, but these latest one are brutal and no matter how slowly I go, my poor back protests - so if you want to give consideration to the older driver, get rid of them!

Wise after the event?

I am glad that the Chilcot report has made the point that, when we decided to invade Iraq, that country and its leader, Saddam Hussain, presented no imminent threat against this country, because I remember thinking precisely that at the time.  Saddam was a brutal dictator, but under his dictatorship, Iraq was, for the region, a relatively stable, secular state, and the old adage "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" sprang to mind.  Perhaps what was more exercising the minds of our and the US government was not so much that Saddam was perceived as a threat, but that his sons, one of whom presumably would have taken over from him eventually, were both psychopaths (Uday particularly) and would most definitely have been a threat.  Maybe the logic was "better to act now while we can, than have to act later when things may not be so much in our favour".  I'm sure there will be more to be said about the Chilcot report in the days to come.