Better the devil you know...

Remember the theory that it was in fact a good job that the attempted assassination of Hitler failed?  The logic being that whoever would have replaced him would probably have done a much better job and prolonged the course of the war, if not actually changed it.  Well it appears the Democrats in the US now have a similar dilemma regarding the best thing for them to do now that they have some clout after the mid-term elections.  There are those who are calling for immediate attempts to impeach Trump, but on the other hand there are those who are advising caution on the grounds that he is doing a much better job for their cause by staying where he is and doing what he does

R.I.P.

June Whitfield - consummate professional with impeccable comic timing.  One of those actors who always seems to have been there.  Anyone remember The Glums?  Oh, Ron...

Simple maths!

If, according to a recent survey, as a pensioner, a glass if wine a day is good for me, it surely follows that several glasses a day must be several times as good for me!

Back to the treadmill?

A 'phone in every jail cell - what do you think?  Very much depends on what you see jail as for, I guess,  There are those who think that imprisonment should be a punishment - it should be an unpleasant experience designed to constantly remind you what a naughty person you are, or at least, have been.  Then there are those who see imprisonment as simply a way of separating those with anti-social tendencies from the rest of us - in which case there is no reason why, as far as possible,  they should be denied the normalities of life - like access to a 'phone.

Tick, tock

The question of changing the clocks has once again come to the fore.  You may remember that the EU was considering sticking with either Central European Time or CET+1 all the year round.  Well now it seems they have decided that this should happen in October next year - although they have yet to decide which time zone to go with.  And although by then we should have left the EU, it seems pretty certain we will follow suit.  Can't wait myself.

Personal

For various reasons, this is the first day we have all managed to get together, so this is the family's Christmas Day.  So it's ho-ho-ho and best wishes to you all.

Merry Christmas

...and God bless us - everyone

Who speaks for the dead?

The other day it was the 30th anniversary of Lockerbie, and as far as I can see, nothing has changed.  The "official story" has now taken its place as fact and part of history.  Depressing...

I am the greatest...

Martina Navratilova has raised a question that I posted about a couple of months ago.  Now that - it appears - we have the right to determine for ourselves what gender we really are, what's to stop a hitherto somewhat mediocre sportsman deciding that he's really a woman, and then competing against women and, thanks to his masculine physiology, sweeping all before him/her?  Press "sisters" anyone?

Sotto voce

Did Jeremy Corbyn mutter "stupid woman" at the Prime Minister?  Certainly looked like it, and lip readers seem to be pretty unanimous that he did.  But supposing he did - so what?  Might have been unparliamentary, but was it sexist, as some have insisted.  My understanding is that it would only be sexist if he said it because she was a woman - in other words, it was aimed at her as a woman, and I think it was pretty obviously aimed at her as a member of the government and "one of them on the other side of the House", and the fact that she was a woman didn't come into it.  So, not guilty, I think.

Strewth!

Is mistletoe an invitation to (possibly unwanted) sexual advances?  Think about it - a female friend confessed that, whenever she is at a gathering in an unfamiliar place at this time of year, she always scans the room for hanging bunches of mistletoe and avoids them like the plague.  "Some blokes see it as an open invitation to grope you" she says.  Hadn't thought of it that way myself but in the present #MeToo climate, it makes you think.

Yippie-Ki-Yay,

Die Hard is always touted as a Christmas film.  But is it?  I've never quite understood it.  Don't get me wrong - it's a brilliant film and I can watch it over and over, but it's always seemed to me that the connection with Christmas is a sort of bolt-on.  It could just as easily be set at any other time of year with minimal alterations to the script and incidental music.  In other words, there is no intrinsic reason for it to be set at Christmastime.  I'm happy for it to be associated with this time of year, but don't see any reason why it should be.  What do you think?

Oops!

Biodegradability (is there such a word?) is a good thing, right?  Well, it all depends. Yorkshire Tea have redesigned their tea-bags so as to make them more biodegradable.  Unfortunately, they have a tendency to biodegrade in the cup leaving you with a cupful of tea-leaves.  Back to the drawing-board?

Little green monsters

That's what my kids used to call sprouts when they were little.  Christmas is about the only time they take anything like centre stage - so the question is, do you cut a cross in the stems before you cook them?  Known as "scoring" the idea is to allow the boiling water to get into and cook the stems, which might otherwise be a bit tough and woody.  Modern thinking is that this is unnecessary and may in fact make the sprouts more soggy.  I prefer mine sliced on a mandoline and stir-fried so the question does not arise.  Liked the comment of a BBC presenter when asked if she scored her sprouts - Oh, I'd give 'em about a 6.

Ring finger

In the days before the circulatory system was fully understood, it was a common belief that a vein ran directly from the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart.  They called it the vena amoris - the vein of love.  It was this belief that led to the custom of wearing wedding rings - and later engagement rings - on this finger.  At first only women wore wedding rings.  The custom did not really extend to men until well into the beginning of the 20th century - perhaps as a result of so many couples being separated by war.

Who's a clever boy?

Have you seen the story of the parrot who has learned to talk to Alexa. the voice of the Amazon Echo series of interactive voice-controlled speakers.  It has learned to order stuff, get it to play music and to tell jokes.  Luckily, a kiddie-lock system means that its orders are blocked, but its owner has got used to coming home to find the parrot boogying to rock music.

Do they wear kilts?

There are no gingerbread men in Scotland apparently - only gingerbread "persons".  I am irresistibly reminded of the old joke about jelly babies - buy the boy ones, you get more for your money that way.

You see what you want to see.

If you have a Christmas play-list, chances are it includes Baby, it's cold outside, a favourite seasonal ditty.  Except that this is a song which has fallen foul of the PC/feminist brigade, who have labelled it sexist and promotional of date-rape.  Barbara Windsor used to have a comeback to those who accused the Carry-On films of being "dirty" - she used to say, to the pure, all things are pure (which by the way comes from the Bible).  So, regarding this song, I feel like turning that round and saying - to the dirty-minded, all things are dirty.

'Tis the season...

The Scots have this reputation for deep-frying stuff.  Well, a chip shop in Perthshire is going the full monty this year by providing a deep-fried Christmas dinner - turkey, sprouts, carrots, parsnips and a footlong battered sausage.  Anybody want to make a guess as to how many calories are in that?

Ha ha

Best Christmas joke by far -
What does Donald Trump do after pulling a cracker?
- pays her off!

Brexit....

...what Brexit?  I make no secret of the fact that I voted remain in the 2016 referendum, and I still feel that the best (well, least-worst) solution is to call the whole thing off and go back to where we were prior to the referendum.  It wasn't ideal, and we would still have the Boris Johnson/Jacob Rees-Mogg faction campaigning to leave, but at least they would have had their chance and seen just where it led.  So now that the ECJ have said we can. I would go for revoking article 50 and reverting to the status quo ante.  At least we would know where we stood - even if we didn't like it.

Pecking order

Oh dear - it seems grandparents, and particularly granddads are well down the list when it comes to Christmas presents - below even the family pets in many families.  Well, provided I get a bottle of the good stuff, I don't care what anybody else is getting - I'm content!

Guess who's watching you?

Could OFSTED's remit extend to out-of-school activities, like sports clubs, cadets, the scouts and Sunday school?  The Government is launching a "consultation" on how to "safeguard" (i.e.control) such activities.  The implicit threat is that, if no satisfactory voluntary code can be agreed, a set of rules will be imposed and backed up by inspections and reports.  You have been warned!

Take slice of bread...

You know the old saying "can't boil an egg"? Well a hospital in Southampton has gone one better by putting out a two-page pamphlet for staff on how to make toast.  Yes, really!  I suppose there may be people from other countries working there, where toast is not part of everyday life, but I would have thought that the basic principles are easy enough to grasp,  The pamphlet also warns staff that they must not attempt to make toast unless they are fully trained - so "I'm sorry Mrs Smith, it will have to be cornflakes this morning,  I know you would like toast, but I haven't got my certificate yet..."  You couldn't make it up, could you?

Better safe...

Did you know that, here in the UK, there's an unwritten rule that heirs to the throne should not fly together in the same plane?  The reason is obvious, even if something we'd rather not think about.  As a matter of practicality, the rule is not enforced where small children are concerned.  So William, George and Charlotte have flown together, although there will come a time, when they are older, when this will not be allowed.

Ha ha

What has four wheels and flies?
 - A bin lorry

How rude!

Apparently I'm not supposed to use the phrase "bringing home the bacon" any more for fear of upsetting vegans.  The words "tail", "dog" and "wagging" spring to mind.

It'll be a blood-bath!

Last Sunday was "derby day" sports-wise, when a series of local football matches all fell together on the schedule - Chelsea/Fulham, Arsenal/Spurs and Liverpool/Everton.  But where did this expression "derby" for a match between neighbouring teams come from?  Well it originally only applied to the annual Rugby League match between  St Helens and Wigan, which, back in the 1800s were the two parishes at either end of the estate of Lord Derby, and was therefore referred to as the Derby match.  Since when it has been taken up by other local rivalries.  Round my way, it's Wolves and West Brom or, a little further afield, Aston Villa and Birmingham City.

There's some corner of a foreign field...

In a world being taken over by American English, it's nice to know that the linguistic authority for United Nations business is the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, so English English spelling and usage rules.  How about that?

'Twas ever thus

So HS2 is behind schedule and over-budget.  Is anyone really surprised?

Please Sir, I want some more!

On the food theme, did you know that an American professor of nutrition has declared that a serving of chips (that's french fries, you US folks)  should only contain six of the little salty, oily sticks of desire.  Yes, you heard right - six.  Hardly worth the effort, is it?