At the third (sorry, fourth) stroke, it will be...

I've been trying to get my head around this leap-second business. If I've got it right, it's to bring the atomic clocks back into line with what the earth is doing. Apparently, on a very small scale, the earth is getting ever more slow in its orbit around the sun, which means that the atomic clocks are racing ahead and have to be corrected every now and again. So far, so good, but what I can't understand is that there is apparently a strong suggestion that we should ditch GMT altogether and switch to atomic time. But this would be the tail wagging the dog surely? To the extent that "real" time exists, it is measured by events in the natural world - sunrise and sunset and the passage of the seasons. If there is any discrepancy between those things and what a clock or a calendar says, then it is the clock or calendar which must give way, surely?

The perfect failure.

As one who has suffered through the years with the failings of their local football team (although the Wolves are doing OK this season, though Lord knows how) I can feel for the supporters of the American football team the Detroit Lions, who have just finished their season with the stats of Played 16, Lost 16. Detroit of course is also known as Motown, and some wag in the newspapers has suggested that it should now be known as Woetown.

Yes, but look at him!

Two scenarios - (1) I earn £30,000 a year, you earn £10,000 a year. (2) I earn £50,000 a year, you earn £20,000. Which scenario would you prefer? It may seem a silly question, but it all depends on how you look at it. You earn twice as much in scenario 2, but the disparity between our earnings is £10,000 greater. And when people talk about "the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer" it is often the disparity between rich and poor they are talking about, rather than the actual levels of wealth. It's a bit reminiscent of pay negotiations back in the 50s and 60s, when how much you were being offered seemed to be less important than how much others were earning and "maintaining the differentials". If we could concentrate more on our own situation and stop looking at what others are doing we might be more content.

Music Man / Ha ha.

Those who play musical instruments are prone to take the mickey out of those who play different instruments from their own. You've probably heard this one -

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer!

But the one group which comes in for more stick than any other are viola players. There are enough jokes about violists to stretch from here to goodness knows where. Here's a few one-liners -

What's the similarity between The Beatles and the viola section of an orchestra?
Neither has played together since 1970.

How do you keep a violist from drowning?
Take your foot off their head.

How is lightning like a violist's finger?
Neither strikes in the same place twice.

How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

And then there's the story of a violinist in an orchestra who was intrigued by one of the viola players who, whenever he sat down to play, always opened his jacket and looked at something which appeared to be attached to his inside pocket. One hot summer, when the orchestra was rehearsing, the violist took his jacket off and hung it on the back of his chair. When they broke for drinks and the violist had left the stage, the violinist took his chance and walked over to his seat and looked inside his jacket. And there he saw a note pinned to the lining - "Viola left hand, bow right hand".

Is it the singer or the song?

Some of you have been kind enough to say nice things about this blog, and for that I thank you. But you know little or nothing about me as a person, so your comments refer solely to what I say, not who or what I am. And that is how it should be, but so often is not. Look at all the fuss about Channel 4's alternative Christmas message, simply because it was delivered by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, who apparently we are not supposed to like. But ignore who he is, and look at what he said (which you can find on Channel 4's website, among other places). What is there to take exception to? It is a gracious message fully in keeping with the Christmas festival. Wise words do not become any less wise simply because we dislike the mouth they come from.

Good King Wenceslas looked out...

...on the feast of Stephen. And that's today folks. We may call this day Boxing Day, but long before it took that name it was and still is St. Stephen's Day. Stephen's claim to fame is that he is acknowledged by the Church as the first Christian martyr, being stoned to death in around 34-35 A.D. for the blasphemy of suggesting that Jesus's teaching would eventually supplant the law of Moses. Wenceslas, by the way, was a real person - he was ruler of Bohemia from 921-935, though a Duke rather than a King.

Naughty, naughty.

So like a good boy or girl, you are going to drive to church this morning, and then come home and have a turkey dinner followed by a mince pie. Well, prepare to go to gaol! An Act of 1551 makes it illegal to go to church on Christmas Day other than on foot, an ordinance of 1588 makes it an offence to eat anything other than a goose today and in 1657 or thereabouts, Oliver Cromwell passed a law banning the eating of mince pies - and none of these laws have ever been repealed!

Nonetheless, a happy Christmas to one and all.

Christmas Eve

You might wonder why the day before some special day is often given its own name - New Year's Eve, Hallowe'en and of course, Christmas Eve. Well the answer is that back in the mists of time, the day was deemed to start at sundown rather than, as at present, midnight. So all these Eves were in fact the beginning of the following day. In many parts of Europe, Christmas Eve is celebrated even more than the day itself - it is often the day presents are exchanged and the main festive meal eaten. And why do we hang up stockings - well one theory is that this is done to catch anything which Santa might drop while climbing down the chimney!

Who pays?

I see the BBC has been fined again for misleading viewers (or in this case I think it was actually listeners) - but hang on a minute, where does the BBC get its money from? You and me, the licence payers! So we who were sinned against are footing the bill for those who sinned against us - makes no sense to me!

Music Man

With all this fuss about the song "Hallelujah" I thought I ought to do a bit of research. There seem to be plenty of versions of it, and having listened to them I have to say that the X-Factor girl Alexandra Burke's is not bad, and better than some, even if it is a bit emotionally over the top and heavily dependent on the arrangement and the backing. But I am far more attracted to the various parodies, and for me the pick of the bunch is the one you will find at http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kIMBxwKzlKs. Not only are the lyrics clever and - unlike the original - make sense, but whoever sings it has a good voice and musically, it stands up with the best of them.