Do as you would be done by.

Can't help feeling that there's more than a whiff of hypocrisy in the press and public's somewhat hysterical reaction to the current revelations about MPs expenses. As a fairly minor civil servant I had little scope for claiming expenses, but I certainly made sure that where I could claim, I did. My view was that my employer (the Government) was paying me the minimum they thought they could get away with for my services, and so I was determined to claim every penny to which I was entitled. I would imagine most of you take the same view. The parliamentary system may be flawed and wide open to being taken advantage of, but isn't this a case of - let he who is without sin cast the first stone?

Wheels within wheels.

You don't realise how interconnected everything is until something upsets the applecart and things start falling apart. The present credit crunch has understandably led to an increase in business for charity shops as people look to get things on the cheap, but now we learn that it has also led to a decrease in items being donated to these shops, as people are not buying new stuff and therefore have less unwanted old stuff to give away. It's all interconnected you see.

Spooky!

I hope I'm not getting delusions of grandeur, but I've noticed on one or two occasions recently that I've posted about something, only to see the same idea appear in the press a few days or weeks later. The latest example is my continual moan about the way football is dominated by a handful of rich clubs with nobody else getting a look-in, or even having any chance of getting a look-in. And now the Culture Secretary has taken up the baton by pressing the big clubs to share their wealth more. Mind you, I'm not holding my breath. And what's that saying about a prophet being not without honor, save in his own country?

Music Man

I was flicking through YouTube the other day. It's amazing what you can find on there, and I came across a video of someone playing a theremin. Never heard of it? I'm not surprised, although if you're of an age to remember "The Day the Earth Stood Still" (the original that is) you will have heard one. It was used in the soundtrack to that film to produce eerie other-worldly sounds. It is unique among musical instruments in that the player makes no physical contact with the instrument. Sound is produced by the player moving his hand in the magnetic field surrounding a radio antenna thus controlling the frequency of the signal which is then fed to an amplifier - or something like that - I don't claim to be an expert. It is a fearsomely difficult instrument to master, but when played well produces a clear ethereal sound somewhat like a cross between a violin and a flute. Stick "theremin" in the search box on YouTube and listen for yourself.

Yo juego para Inglaterra!

I don't know how seriously Capello is taking the idea of picking Almunia as England's goalkeeper, but it does highlight the intricacies (one might say, absurdities) of the current rules relating to eligibility to play for a country - particularly here in Great Britain which somewhat bizarrely for most sporting purposes is treated as three separate countries - England, Scotland and Wales, each with their own borders, despite it being one nation with a common nationality, passport and so on. So just what are the rules? As far as I have been able to find out, you are eligible to play for a country (1) if you were born there (2) if any of your parents or grandparents were born there (3) if you are married to someone born there, or (4) if you have lived there for five years or more and become a naturalised citizen. All this is subject to you not having ever played for any other country. Almunia potentially comes (or will shortly) under the five year rule. Of course, the question is, if he becomes naturalised (which would be as a Brit, not an Englishman) and therefore eligible to play for England, would the Scots, Welsh or even perhaps the Northern Irish also have any claim on him? All a bit daft, isn't it?

We're going up!

So somehow Wolves and Birmingham have managed to come first and second in the Championship, and will now play in the Premiership next season. A rousing hooray for the fact that this means the Midlands will have two more teams in the top flight (or in reality just one more as West Brom look fated to come back down), but I am forced to say that on what I have seen watching on TV, the standard in the Championship this year has been pretty poor, and unless they bring in some real quality players I cannot see either side surviving in the Premiership. But here's hoping - as far as the Wolves are concerned, anyway.

Unbelievable.

A survey from Holland has found that men who drink half a glass of red wine a day live on average five years longer than those who don't drink. Now come on - are we really supposed to believe that there are people out there who drink half a glass of wine a day?

Ha ha.

Joe rang in to work one morning. "Boss" he said "I won't be in today. I feel really rough - my head aches, my stomach aches and my legs feel like rubber". "Oh dear" said the boss "I really need you in today Joe - we've got a big rush job on. Tell you what - when I wake up feeling grotty and don't fancy coming in to work, what I do is make mad passionate love to my wife, and then I always feel better and ready for work. Why don't you try that?" A couple of hours later, the 'phone rang again. "That was great advice boss" said Joe "I did what you said, and I feel much better. I'll be with you in half an hour or so. Oh, and by the way - you've got a really nice house!".

Not seeing the wood for the trees?

It is an uncomfortable fact that the majority of married women who are murdered are killed by their husbands. When a married woman is killed therefore, it is inevitable that the husband will initially become the police's main suspect. They would be failing in their duty if they did not take account of, and act on that statistical evidence. Nobody would seriously suggest that this means that the police have somehow got it in for husbands generally and were discriminating against them. The present hand-wringing about the fact that stop and search is being used proportionately more against young coloureds has to be seen in this context. If statistics show that a certain type of crime is predominantly committed by six foot redheads who drive a Skoda, and you were seeking to prevent such crimes, you would be more likely to pull over and question a six foot redhead driving a Skoda, than a five foot blond driving a Ford - it's that simple.

Close but....

As stated by the Prime Minister and widely reported on the news, one of the latest people to come down with the so-called "swine 'flu" was a 41-year-old man from Birmingham. Turned out it was a 41-year-old woman from Redditch (which for those of you not from round here, is in a different county). Just can't get the staff these days!